PENALTY, Annika Sturm [best books to read for self improvement .TXT] 📗

his door, 'are you still awake?' He knocked again until he could hear footsteps inside the room and the door opened. Felix looked at him in surprise. 'Tommy, isn't it a bit late? What's going on?' 'Can I come in?' 'Sure.' Tom went into his room and quickly shut the door. He decided not to lose any time. 'I'm worried about Alex. He's in a right state. I found him in the dining room crying and his hand is cut and bleeding.' 'What?', Felix frowned, 'where is he now?' 'He ran off. He actually ran out of the hotel. I have no idea where the hell he would have even gone at this time of night.' Tom was getting stressed and nervously paced up and down the room. 'Hey,' Felix grabbed him by his shoulders to stop him, 'slow down a second. He'll be fine. Let's sit down and think okay?' He smiled at Tom and they sat down next to each other.

'You said you found him. Did you talk to him then?' Tom shook his head. 'I tried to but he wouldn't tell me what the hell was going on. He just kept crying and said he felt sick. I have never seen him like this.' Felix frowned. 'Okay, this is all really rather odd. Something serious must have happened. He looked alright at dinner?', Tom nodded, 'Tommy, I don't know anyone he trusts more than you so I'm not sure who he will open up to if he's not even talking to you?' Tom started getting stressed again. 'I know but I clearly can't support him right now,' he looked at Felix with begging eyes, 'please, we have to try and find out what's going on. Can you help me talk to him? He's out there somewhere and it's freezing cold. If we don't find him, he'll get bloody fined as well.' Tom said frustratedly. 'Okay, okay,' Felix pulled a jumper over his T-shirt and put some jeans on, 'shall we tell Markus?' Tom stared at him. 'Can we not keep this between us for now? He may fine him.' Felix thought about it and nodded. He looked through his bags for a thick warm jumper, some towels and cheered when he also found some disinfectant and bandaids. 'Alright, let's go.'

Alex was shivering on the bench on the football pitch he had run to. His hands were blue from the cold and he had given up trying to stop the cut from bleeding. He still felt numb with shock. His mind was racing, he couldn't understand how his own team captain could be so cruel. And he felt utterly betrayed by whoever had seen the boys kissing in the changing rooms. In his state it took him a few moments to register that someone was calling out his name. He looked up and could see two torch lights moving quickly towards him. 'Alex!', Felix and Tom reached him out of breath. Alex stared at them both, 'bloody hell, there you are! Jesus, look at the state of you,' Felix laughed nervously, 'you are bloody frozen,' he sat down next to him, put the thick jumper around his shoulders and gently placed one arm around him. He smiled at his anxious face and could feel Alex trembling, 'can I take a look at your hand?' He asked. Alex slowly but instinctively let him take it. Tom decided to quietly watch them and he was relieved and pleased with the way Felix handled the situation. He pointed the torch at Alex's hand and Felix carefully disinfected the cut. 'That's quite a nasty one actually.' Alex didn't flinch. He watched Felix gently remove bits of glass and couldn't help but smile a bit. 'Thank you.' He whispered. 'My God,’ Tom said, 'was that a smile I saw there on your lips?' Alex turned to him and gave him a sad look. 'Alex,' Tom gulped,' would it help if I left you alone with Felix for a bit?’, Alex nodded silently as Tom looked at him confused, 'alright,' he smiled bravely, 'whatever helps you.' Then he slowly walked away, making his way back to the hotel. Alex wanted to run after him and kiss him and tell him how much he loved him. But he would never be able to do that again. It was over.

'There we are,' Felix sounded pleased having just removed the last few glass splinters from Alex's hand and was about to place a plaster on it, 'that should at least make it stop bleeding for a bit but you should go and see one of the doctors tomorrow to have it checked out Alex. We don't want that to get infected and then you can't play on Wednesday,' he smiled at him, 'hey,' Felix gently put his arm around him again, 'Alex, what on earth happened to you? It's like someone has died. Is your family alright?', Alex nodded, 'Tommy is worried sick about you,' Felix noticed that Alex was trembling again, 'hey, I really want to help you, do you think you can tell me what happened?', Alex bit his lip and cast his eyes down, 'you can trust me, you know. I'm your friend.' 'Thank you. That is so good to know.' Alex smiled at him sadly.

'Hey, it's bloody freezing, do you want to go back to the hotel? Or go for a little walk before we head back?' Alex couldn't face going back to his room and smell Tom's scent all over the bed. 'Could we walk for a bit?' He gulped. 'Yes sure.' Felix said, feeling encouraged Alex might still tell him something. 'I'm sorry. I realise I'm getting you into trouble. With the curfew and all that. You don't have to stay with me Felix.' Alex said and took a deep breath. 'Hey, don't you worry about me okay?', Felix smiled, 'at least we're getting some use out of this torch we had to negotiate for with the receptionist!', he laughed, 'come on, let's see what this pitch is like, hey?' They walked around the football ground and Felix told Alex a story of when his team recently played here and it was so wet that all players went sliding around at almost every pass. Alex laughed quietly appreciating Felix's effort and presence. They walked in silence next to each other for a few minutes. Alex was desperate to talk to someone about what had happened. He trusted Felix and so did Tom clearly. Of all people Tom was right to get him involved.

Alex took a deep breath. 'You said I could trust you.' He said quietly. 'Absolutely.' Felix nodded. 'With anything?' 'Yep.' Felix smiled and put his arm around him. Alex looked at him seriously. 'If I tell you this now, I’m trusting you with my family, my career. My whole life.' Felix stared at him. 'Jesus, Alex,' he laughed, 'sounds a bit heavy. But I'm all ears.' 'Tommy and I, we...,' Alex gulped, 'we..., we are together,' he finally said and took another deep breath. He turned to Felix, who just looked ahead as they kept walking next to each other, 'we're in a relationship Felix.' Alex re-iterated. 'Yes I understand.' Felix smiled at him. Alex stopped and stared at him. 'You know?' Felix laughed. 'No I didn't know, but if you think this shocks me then I have to disappoint you.' Alex looked him in the eye. 'Are you sure you didn't know?' 'Yes,' Felix giggled and Alex believed him, 'let's say I'm not all that surprised.' 'No?' Alex asked in disbelief. Felix shrugged his shoulders. 'You’ve always been exceptionally close as friends. I can see how this became more. Yeah.' He nodded. Alex exhaled with relief. 'Really? And you are not...shocked or... disgusted?' Felix chuckled again, 'Jesus Alex, what century do you think I live in?', Alex could have hugged him with relief and smiled at Felix properly for the first time since they were out there that night, 'the only moral worry I have is about your girlfriends and your child. But that's none of my business,' Alex turned sad again, 'but I assume all this is not what caused this grief all of a sudden?' Felix looked at him with questioning eyes. 'Ah. No.' Alex shook his head. 'So what happened then Alex?', Felix put his arm around his shoulders, 'come on, tell me,' he nudged him, 'look, the first story didn't shock me. Why would the next part?', he smiled at him encouragingly, 'what could be so bad that you can't even tell the man you love? And who I'm sure loves you too?' He asked gently.

And then Alex finally opened up and told him. About the kiss in Hamburg. About Markus, the threat of the press, the cut in his hand. Everything. Felix listened to him in empathy. 'And this is why,' Alex concluded, 'I can't tell Tommy and why I just ran away.' They had sat down on a bench again as Alex was telling his story. Felix still had one arm comfortingly placed around Alex. He didn't say anything as he was digesting it all. 'What a bastard.' He finally said and Alex laughed exhaustedly. 'The worst thing is,' he gasped for air, 'that it's my fault. If I had been more careful in Hamburg, none of this would have happened and we could be together right now.' Felix pulled him closer. 'Nonsense,' he said firmly, 'it’s not your fault that some people are trying to blackmail you with this now, is it?' Alex shook his head. 'I guess not.' 'Alex, if Tommy knew this I think he would murder him. I know I would. Who does he think he is? What an arsehole.' Alex nodded and smiled sadly. 'Yeah I know. But Tommy will never find out the truth. He'll just think I don't want him anymore. And that will be that.'

Felix was moved looking at Alex. He could only guess the suffering he was going through. 'We can't let him get away with this Alex,' he said determined, 'there is no way you can let him win this.' Alex laughed again tiredly. 'Do I have a choice?', he looked at him, 'what, so I tell Tommy and then we get outed and slated in the press? I will never see my family again and Tommy will lose Christine. Let alone that our careers will be over. I doubt our coming out will be welcomed by our clubs or the fans. No. I can't do this to him.' He shook his head. 'What, so you decide for him? Without him even knowing? And you both end up unhappy?', Felix challenged him, 'Alex, it sounds to me as if you both really want to be together.' Alex looked at him and nodded. 'I can't bear the thought of being without him.' 'But that's what I mean,' Felix stroked Alex's back, 'you can't let Markus Twat win this! We have to stop his crazy plans,' he looked at him, 'but without you breaking up with Tommy.' 'But how?' Alex asked in despair. 'I don't know yet,' Felix stroked his hair, 'but we will find a way I promise you.' He smiled at him. 'You think?' Alex asked with a hint of hope in his voice. 'We have to,' Felix nodded, 'I can't have a useless heartbroken Tommy play back home, that's just no good!' They both laughed.

Alex hugged him and took a deep breath. 'Thank you so much,' he said relieved, 'I will never be able to make this up to you. That you looked after me tonight.' Felix squeezed him. 'If it wasn't for Tommy I wouldn't have even known you were out here. You need some rest Alex. We have an early start. I promise you we will think of something. It's not all lost yet, okay?' Alex smiled and nodded and the boys started walking back to the hotel. He checked his