Cliche, ninja jinx [read aloud TXT] 📗

me. For a tiny dog, it sure can pack a punch. Then it was running across me and I felt its paws squash my face. If it was anyone else I would be laughing my ass off, but since it was me I was severely pissed.

I looked down at my top to see four tiny dog prints directly on my boobs. I screamed in annoyance as I heard it thunder downstairs.

“Come back!” I yelled as I got up and chased after it. When I arrived downstairs I saw it shoot outside to the backyard. I slipped on the carpet as I slammed outside and into the heat. My heart thrumming from the chase as I zoned into the fact that it was sneaking under the fence. Oh no you don’t you little bitch!

 

I ran after it and made it just as it slithered through to the other side. I didn’t have time to go to the front of the house so I decided on the second best thing. Quickly heaving myself up using the bin I swung myself over, however my top got caught on the wood and I ended upside down. I kicked my legs furiously as I tried to untangle myself but it was too no avail. I peered at the dog who sat wagging its tail and holding the underwear in its mouth. “It’s your entire fault” I whispered and shifted when the wood jabbed into my butt. This is awkward…

 

I don’t know how long I stayed upside down with my legs in the air and the blood rushing to my face. But when I looked again at the demonic dog I saw what seemed to be shoes standing next to it.

I followed the shoes up the jean clad legs and toned body, then to the face of a handsome man. Hunter.

Why does he always find me in these situations?

I saw him bend down and snatch the frilly pick underwear from the dog.

“Seriously?” he asked.

I fought to get down as I said “it’s not what it looks like”.

“No, what it looks like is that you like wearing frilly underwear and hanging upside down while chasing innocent dogs.”

“First, that dog is not innocent, and second my dad bought that”.

He rolled his eyes and said “how does that make that any better?”

It didn’t. In fact it made the situation sound worse.

“J-just get me down!” I yelled, “Or I’ll pass out from blood loss”.

“Na, I think I like this view”.

I felt a hot blush rise onto my cheeks and paint my face a bright tomato red. Jerk.

After a while of wildly thrashing around I heard what sounded like tearing, before I was slipping towards the ground. Shit.

I quickly latched onto the wood with my hands, but it was too late. I was falling onto the really hard looking concrete. This was the end.

But I never hit the floor. Yes, you guessed it. I was caught by Hunter and the most cliché part of my life happened. You know with that whole eye looking, heart stopping, and shiver starting moment? Though it was ruined when the ‘thing’ barked and peed. I swear the pee went over in an arc and landed right across from me.

 

Chapter 10: She's gone

 

Chapter 10: She's gone

 

Tap, tap, tap.

Grunt.

Groan.

 

 

“Sarah I swear if you don’t shut the mother fudge up, I’ll feed you to the librarian then resurrect you before skinning you alive and giving your bones to nemo” I sassed, crossing my arms around my chest and jutting out my hip.

 

“What’s up your ass?” Sarah asked as she stopped the tapping of her very annoying hello kitty frilly pen. Oh she did not just go there.

 

“What’s up my ass? Hmm let me see” I hissed. But before I could go into a very detailed description of my embarrassing evening yesterday with the dog from hell who was the devils dog, Sara had to cut me off with a “oh did you hear?”

 

Yeah thanks Sarah for listening, feel the love (note the sarcasm people)

 

I huffed and pursed my lips as I didn’t want to rise to the bait, however being the very nosy person I am I couldn’t help but do exactly that. “What?” I asked my eyebrow raising.

 

“Well I found him and he is like OMG” she giggled. Huh?

 

Who’s he? Wait what? I am so confused…and my confusion must have been plastered on my forehead with bright PINK letters because Sarah just gave me another one of her annoying high, blackboard witch laugh; if you can call it that.

 

 “So I won’t need to stay here anymore!” was all I heard after I zoned out, her smile stretching across her face like she struck gold.

 

“Sarah do you even know the guy?”

 

She signed and with a groan and began waving the pen at me, the hello kitty bobble head bobbing up and down like a druggy. “What is there to know? I met him at a bar yesterday and we just were like OMG”. Ok, seriously women stop with the OMG comments because I swear I’ll call Chucky on you. And then shit will hit the fan.

 

“Sarah” I said in a voice that I thought sounded somewhat soothing but orderly, however turned out more bitchy than I wanted, “you can’t just go and stay with random dudes. Who knows he may be hiding a chainsaw in his garage and be a serial killer. Finding love takes time and you can’t let his ding dong lead you everywhere.”

 

“I do not” she shrieked with a look of total horror before enquiring stupidly “do I?”

I could only nod as I got up from the table and walked to the kitchen, my eyes scanning for some food. Halleluiah mother tuckers I found some whipped cream! Now all I need is fish fingers….

 

“Bitch put the whipped cream down and step away from the counter” a voice warned from behind me. I could practically feel the gun pointed at my head and I gulped to look behind me and see Sarah with narrowed eyes glaring at me. Holy mother of plankton, I knew she was the devil in Prada! But what was up with that look. I mean I swear I didn’t do anything…

 

Wait—is that a paintball machine in her hand (don’t ask how she got that, because Sarah is a very special child) “Sarah, ok calm down. I mean I know your pregnant but to go to these lengths?” Well maybe I might do the same, but this is Sarah, the chick who counts her calories and whines about shit like carbs.

 

“Don’t Sarah me you little bitch. I know what you’re trying to do. When I find total happiness in a guy you try to take him away!”

 

I thought we were talking about the whipped cream?

 

“So what? Just because I have a whale starting grow in my stomach you can shag all the guys?! I saw the bloody look you gave him!”

 

“Sarah I wasn’t even there….” I trailed off. Wrong response. Because the next thing I saw Sarah was aiming at my weakest point. My boobs.

 

So being the smart and amazing nerd I am I took the whipped cream in my hand, before it was a whirl wind of flying colours and white cream. It was a total battlefield and it was like world war three began. Even the dog from hell came along and started shitting dog shit everywhere.

 

We were covered in white, pink, purple, blue, red, yellow—and you get the point, when we finally finished. And I think Sarah had on what suspiciously looked like dog poop on her face.

 

“What the hell?” I asked after I finally registered what happened, my body quaking with pain. Chick can shoot.

 

“I am so sorry” Sarah wailed, and I didn’t even know it was humanly possible to cry like she did, I mean the kitchen was practically flooding by the time she stopped. Can you imagine me, a small blonde paddling in a boat wearing a yellow raincoat?

 

I signed, “Sarah its cool, just your hormones”. And it was true, Sarah had been becoming more like a crazy individual who needed to be locked up in a mental facility that a normal being. She was eating, screaming, crying, laughing, dancing (stripping on the table) and even singing when she was in the toilet peeing. How awkward to hear piss and someone singing Michael Jackson thriller. Especially after walking past and glancing into the toilet since the door was opened. It sure was a ‘Thriller’ alright….

 

She nodded and just walked away, her slumped figure walking up the stairs as whipped cream dripped onto the floor. Well better get the freaking cleaning supplies and I couldn’t help but feel that this was going to be one heck of a long day.

 

After cleaning the whole kitchen and making everything shine, I finally was able to collapse onto the warm and comfortable sofa, my legs flopping up and a smile stretching tiredly over my face. Then of course I came to a sudden realization. A realization so BIG that I fell of the couch and face planted onto the floor.

 

I quickly scrambled up, my legs and arms flying as I scattered upstairs. “Sarah?!” I screamed but I didn’t get a reply, because Sarah was gone….

 

 

Chapter 11: Random filler....

 

Chapter 11: Random filler....

 

Sarah was missing.

 

She was gone, just like a poof of air or a fleeing thought, and god was I worried that I nearly let a nervous fart. I was panicking and jumping from foot to foot trying to grasp the situation in my much unorganized thoughts. It was like those times before a test where I try to cram everything at once (even though I study three weeks before hand) or when the star trek ship is going to crash. How does SpongeBob do it when he has so much fat customers?

 

The point is I was so nervous and I was about to pull my hair out so I ended up with a bald patch like Mr. Leicestergher ( I don’t even know how to say his name). I clambered downstairs, only stumbling ten times and hitting my head till I was sure I was going to get a concussion and loose a thousand brain cells. I would end up like those really dumb blondes who asked where the library was and if there butt cheeks were the same size.

 

Clutching the phone I stabbed her number, which I happened to memorize in case of an emergency, and waited for her to pick up the damn thing. It was probably ringing for about