Cliche, ninja jinx [read aloud TXT] 📗

like this was a total set up. “This criminal isn’t your everyday petty thief; this is a murderer who killed a lady in an alley and all the evidence we have of him is a candy wrapper.” Where the hell does the candy wrapper fit into the crime scene?

“He’s been on the run and he’s highly intelligent, so we think he may be targeting Isabel”. Wait could that guy at the shop be him…? Na, it’s probably just paranoia, they can’t be serious.

 

“I am completely serious.” Wait did he read my mind?

 

“No, I did not read your mind. It’s just your face holds a lot of expression”. I’m not sure how I’m meant to take that

 

“What do we do?” the old granny asked. Yeah what?

 

“Well we’ll send a police escort to be stationed outside your house. For safety precautions and such.”

 

Groan.

But don’t worry, I have a baseball bat under my bed, and anyway he didn’t actually ‘put’ it on my lawn. That’s what I want to say. However instead I say…

 

“That’s perfectly fine”

 

“That’s good. Anyway thank you for your time ladies, but I have other things to attend too, so have a lovely afternoon”. We both stood and he bowed deeply before winking at the old hag next to me and slapping her on the butt when he passed us. What the hell! She giggled shyly and twirled a piece of hair on her finger….ok this is getting awkward…so when he finally left the old hag grabbed my hand and said, “Don’t worry dear; I’ll be right next door…”

 

What was that suggestive look on her face? And why was it directed at me…

 

Ok now I’m more worried about the old lady than the actual murderer.

 

After returning home and away from the demon lady

 

“Isabel, where were you?” Sarah’s voice called as she walked up to me. “I was worried sick.” Worried sick? When was she ever worried about my wellbeing? Must be the hormones. “I went to the police station” I answered dismissively.

 

I glanced at her as I removed my slippers, and her face was contorted with a look of shock. “What!”

 

“Ok calm down, it’s not what it seems like. You’re misunderstanding the situation.”

 

“What is there to misunderstand” she cried.

 

“You remember those pads I threw out” I asked, and she nodded her head. “Well if anyone asks, say I never threw them and just say it was on the lawn all along.”

 

“Huh? What the hell is going on?” she said as she grabbed her hair and massaged her temples. “Long story short, apparently those pads were touched by a very wanted criminal. So now they think that he’s after me and they’ll be sending a police escort to stay outside till they catch him.” I could totally feel for her when she shot me a very confused look. “I know, but just bear with it”.

 

There was a moment of silence after my story and then we both disappeared into our own la la land.

‘Hmm, I wonder what we’ll have for dinner. Maybe cheese pizza with bacon and anchovies or we can pig out on green tea ice cream…I wonder if SpongeBob’s started….oh, I have to study….my glasses are misty….’

 

“Well I’ll just go and order some pizza and then-” I began but was cut short by constant bangs on the door. “Oh my god Isabel! It’s the criminal. Quickly call 911” Sarah whisper yelled as she latched onto my arm like a leech. “Sarah, the murderer wasn’t actually the one who put the-”

 

“What are you waiting for, there’s a killer outside and you’re standing there like an idiot. Hurry up!”

 

“Sarah” I said soothingly.

 

“Don’t Sarah me” she snapped.

 

“But those pads weren’t-”

 

“Go!”

 

“You know what forget it. There was a murder outside.”

 

“Oh Isabel, can I come in?” a sickly, honey coated voice called. Where have I heard that voice before…?

 

“Isabel I know your there”.

 

“Holy shit! Isabel, you didn’t tell me the murderer was an old grandma! This just makes it all the scarier. She’ll be like those possessed ones with a bendy back”, Sarah said.

 

“No, that’s the old hag from next door” I stated firmly as I detached myself from her.

 

I slowly walked towards the door and prepared myself for the conversation ahead. Oh I really don’t want to talk to her. Especially after that suggestive gesture she shot at me…

 

“Well are you going to answer it? She’ll break down the door if you don’t. But don’t let her in. I can’t let her find out I’m pregnant.” Oh darn I forgot about that. Sarah doesn’t want anyone finding out, and it wouldn’t be good if this witch found out, or she’ll spread it like wild fire.

 I looked over my shoulder and said “go hide somewhere then.” She glanced around and then I heard what was a door been opened. Sarah widened her eyes and threw herself into the cupboard next to the stairs.

 

“Isabel why didn’t you answer the door?” Miss Knight asked as she entered as she twirled her hair around her finger.

 

I scratched my head and looked around for an excuse. The cat food I bought earlier! “Sorry I was feeding the cat?” Though it came out more as a question.

 

“Oh you have a cat? Can I see it?” she asked flirtingly as she looked over my shoulder. Ha but there’s that evil glint again! Evil witch, I know what she’s up to. Trying to corner me, well I’m not going to let you win that easily.

 

“Ha, ha, ha well the funny thing is its really shy around people, and I won’t say it’s my ‘cat’. I just feed it once in a while. Ha, ha, ha”.

 

“Oh, a stray cat. Well you should be careful dear; those animals can get very ferocious.” Why is she winking at me? Is this a game of charades?

“But I thought I would have known if a cat lived here…I must be getting old…”

 

Lady if you think I’m going to comfort you then think again.

 

“Yeah, well I better get back to doing what I was doing before…” I said awkwardly.

 

“Oh”, pouting she looked at me through her lashes.

What was with this old grandma?

“I just came all this way to check on you, I was hoping for at least a cup of coffee…but you’re probably busy with being young and youthful. So I was wondering if you’ve informed your parents about the current situation,” she asked brightly.

 

“No Miss Knight. But I didn’t want to trouble them,” I said instead.

 

“Oh dear, I think it wouldn’t trouble them at all. After all if you were mine I would always be worried about you…”Ok, I’m kind of scared about the way she keeps staring at me. And what was with this ‘mine’ business?

”If you want I can call them an-”

 

“No need for that. It’ll be really bothersome since there in Africa and all. You know how it is, helping those in need and stuff.”

In Africa? When did I come up with that one?

 

“Oh wow really?” she asked in disbelief. “Yeah really” I muttered.

 

There was a moment of silence, and then she said in defeat “well I should go now then. I’ll see you later Isabel, send good wishes to your family.” Why did she sound like the world was against her?

 

I laughed nervously and waited till she left before I walked to the cupboard and dragged Sarah out. “That was close” Sarah breathed. I couldn’t agree more. “But how the hell did she open the door?”

 

“She must have the spare key or something. Mum probably gave it to her right before she left”.

 

“Well that makes me feel insecure. That lady is shit scary, I mean even I could feel her stare. And what the hell! She was totally flirting with you.” Groaning I said “You noticed that too? I was hoping it was all in my mind…”

“I think I’m more scared of her than the criminal”. Exactly my thoughts.

 

 

Dinner was uneventful, and Sarah and I just had pizza while watching some cartoons. “We should go somewhere,” she said as she bit into her slice. “I’m not going to have a dam fine body forever you know.”

 

I pushed my glasses further up my nose and stared at her through the corner of my eye. “We should just stay home, and who ever said you have a good body?” Before I would have told her how true and beautiful her figure was, but I’m a changed person. And anyway I still have my suspicions she’s into me.

 

“Really” she cried as she held onto my arm and stared at me. “You think I’m ugly?”

 

“I never said that” I stated as I tried to focus on the TV. “But you never said I was pretty” she replied, and then the next thing I know, there’s pizza on my boxers. And these were my favorite one! SpongeBob ones to be specific. “Oh my god” I yelled as I removed the cheesy slice from the clothing. Now there was this yellow stain at the front that made it seem like I peed my pants. “Look what you did”.

 

“I am so sorry. I was only meant to bump you, I guess I miscalculated.”

 

I gave her my best evil eye, and stood up. “You know if you weren’t pregnant I would be beating you senseless right now” I mumbled. “I really am sorry Isabel” Sarah called as I walked to my room. You better be, I thought darkly.

 

Wow I sound really bitchy.

 

I sulked into my room and rummaged through some random clothes on the ground, before I found some red track suit pants. And as I was about to go into the toilet, I swear I saw someone through the window. It was like a figure was standing on my balcony and staring at me. And under further investigation I swear I could tell you the culprit. Miss Knight from next door. Trust me, I could tell by the way she stood and the way her eyes glinted. Oh that glint, could probably tell it’s her from a mile away.

 

But that’s not the point, the point is that she’s on my balcony like a stalker and it would be no surprise if she pulled a knife out of her dress. “Isabel what’s taking you so long-aw holy shit why’s there a granny on your balcony?!” Sarah’s voice yelled.

 

I shoved her back into the hallway and slammed the door. “Let’s pretend we never saw her” I whispered. “Why? What was she doing and how the hell did she get on your balcony?” Sarah screeched. I could tell from the sweat beads that she was nervous. “I have no idea, but this is Miss Knight where talking about. She can do anything”.

 

I slowly opened my door and took a peak through it to see no one. I was about the breathe a sigh of relief when

 

BANG.

 

And then the lights went out and we were plunged into darkness. “What the hell!” Sarah cried. “I feel like I’m in some kind of horror film” I said. The wind was beating the windows and the rain was thundering outside. No seriously, where the hell is this story heading towards?

 “Do you think that lady’s going to come for us?” Sarah asked.

 

 

BANG.

 

Another boom of thunder echoed and I snatched Sarah’s hand. “Don’t worry” I whispered, “we’ll be fine”. We had to be, I was too young to die. Pushing my glasses higher up my nose I peeked through my lashes at Sarah.

 

What the hell!

 

“Where did you get the banana from?!” I yelled.

 

Sarah clamped her hand on my mouth and gave me a stern look. “In these situations” she began, “I like to eat bananas. They help me find my Zen mode.” Can I shove that banana down your throat?

 

She slowly peeled it and started to chomp away as the lightning illuminated her face. “I can’t see you that well Isabel” she muttered. No shit, there was barley any light.

 

I heard what sounded as creaking coming from the stairs and short puffs of breaths. I held onto Sarah’s hand more tightly. I could hear her chewing faster.

 

“Is this