Cliche, ninja jinx [read aloud TXT] 📗

gross…wait a minute….why am I having a conversation with myself? I must be loco’.

 

I swung the bag onto my shoulders when I was done and grabbed a pair of sandals from the floor, and listened for any movement from downstairs. I felt like I was robbing the damn place. I snuck out using my epic ninja skills, and I even tried rolling on the floor, but boy was it an epic fail.

 

“Ok bye Mrs. Tucker” I whispered quietly, because I don’t think I can face her after I know what she’s done. Cue the winking people. But of course this is Mrs. Tucker where talking about, the lady with inhuman hearing. She can hear anything, and I mean it. “Bye honey. Oh, and can you tell Sarah to come home, it’s been three days” she screeched. “Three days” I mutter, “I wonder what she was doing” I whispered to myself. “What?”

 

‘Oh yeah, inhuman hearing. Forgot’.

 

 “Nothing Mrs. Tucker just singing” I screamed back. ‘Wow, aren’t I just smooth when it comes to making excuses’. Note the sarcasm people.

 

I bolted out of the house and toyed with the thought of telling Sarah’s mum that Sarah was pregnant. After all, this really did cause a lot of stress for me. Na, it’ll be better if I don’t. Even I’m not that cruel, and I suppose I still want to be Sarah’s friend….deep down.

 

I unlocked my car and swung the bag into the backseat, the car creaking and complaining under the sudden weight. “Shush up” I muttered, “you can’t complain now, we have a pregnant woman on the loose”.

 

It gave another loud groan as I got in and I hit the dash board, “you calling me fat” I shrieked mockingly. And yes my car and I have a very tight bond; I’ve had it for ages.

 

Like I said before, the trip wasn’t that long, and by the time I was at the front door I got this bad feeling in my tummy. It was like a washing machine and I clutched the duffel bag to my chest more securely.

 

“Oh shit, why is there a bitch in my house?!”

 

Ok, let’s take a breather people. I wasn’t talking about a Sarah or anyone else. No what I meant was that there was a legit bitch in my house. You know those hairy creatures that bark a lot. Yeah that’s what I was talking about.

 

Anyhow back to the story. So there I was staring at this beast; which might I say was eating what looked like brains. And I nearly shat myself. ‘Oh my god, what if what it’s eating is actually Sarah?’

 

This beast thing committed murder, and I’ll be charged of felony!

Holy mother of Jebus. 

Cue the music. ‘Dan Dan duh’.

 

“Oh Sarah I should have come home sooner. Now you’re just a pile of ugly intestines” I wailed as I fell to my feet defeated “and I wasted petrol”.

 The dog turned its hideous face to me, and I knew at that moment it was my end.

 

Au revoir world, it’s sad to see I’ll never get to finish watching Avatar. Its eyes lit up and were glowing a bright red. Oh shit it’s a demonic dog.

 

“Isabel…why are you on the floor?” I heard a voice call from above.

 

Looking to the ceiling I called “Holy fudge monkeys is that you SpongeBob?”

 

“Huh?” was the bright reply.

 

“Oh now I can die a happy women”

 

“Wait what”

 

“I just wish I had been able to save Sarah and the baby then-”

 

“But I’m right here”

 

“Then it all…wait what”

 

There was silence as I saw someone descend the stairs.

 

“Isabel I don’t know what’s going on”

 

Oh would you look at that, Sarah seems perfectly unscathed…ha, ha, ha. Laugh it off Belly….

But then the dog….

 

“Oh my God Sarah don’t come any closer. There’s a demonic dog that’ll eat your brains! So stay back” I bellowed.

 

Silence.

 

No! The dog must have gotten her.

 

“Isabel this is scruffels, he’s my dog…”

 

Oh shit that ‘thing’ was her dog. Thatblading demonic fiend. Wow, what is the world coming to?

 

 “Oh right I knew that” I muttered lamely as I got up and dusted fake dust particles. Sarah had the decency to not comment on my epic fail, because if she did, I’ll probably punch her and send her to heaven.

 

Ok, I’m not always violent, it’s just you mess with my pride, you mess with me. I have a huge ego and mum says it’s from dad. I guess you could relate him to me in that aspect, but I’m more of a mother’s child.

 

“Did you bring the clothes?” Sarah enquired as she petted the dog’s head. “Yeah here” I said as I handed her the bag, “and that thing stays outside”.

 

She pouted her lips as she gave me her biggest eyes, and it truly made her look like her eyeballs were going to shoot out of their sockets. “My house, my rules.”

 

 

Few hours later

 

“Sarah how did you get ‘pregnant’ in the first place?” I inquired as I sat cross legged on the bed. There was a mumbling on the other side of the door, before she opened it and sauntered out in some jeans and a tight black shirt. Was it just me, or did she look a little bit fatter?

 

She flopped down on the bed and I tumbled forward. Yes, I’m not exactly the strongest and heaviest person in the world. “Well, how should I begin?”

 

“You could start from the start” I said impatiently. Because seriously I am really curious, and the suspense has been killing me.

 

“Fine, well at first I had started vomiting and I thought I was sick of some yucky disease, but then I didn’t get my period and I was like ‘oh my god’. So I went to the pharmacy or whatever and got one of those tests, and went into their bathroom. Then when the thing was revealed I was like having a break down. I was pregnant. It was like my world was crashing down on me. My fame, my life, everything. So I came here, because this was where I knew my saving grace was”

 

Saving grace my ass.

 

“Who’s the father” I asked and the silence which befell us was like…….

 

She cleared her throat awkwardly and shifted in her spot. Oh no, this is not going to be good.

 

“The principle…”

 

Oh shit people, call 911, I just had a heart attack.

 

Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in….

 

“WHAT THE HELL!”

 

“I-it w-was”. Yeah bitch stutter all you want, but I am not letting this go.

 

“I-I m-mean, it was the only way to get him to let me have a perfect report!” she wailed.

 

Huh?

 

“I was failing all my classes and mum said if I failed this term she’ll said me to a nunnery”.

 

“So you slept with the principle”.

 

Meekly nodding her head she wiped her eyes, and I felt defeated at that moment. Why was I helping her?

 

“And any way, I wouldn’t have done ‘it’ if he wasn’t good in bed” she whispered timidly. 

 

Oh my god, this isn’t the first time. Ok now I’ve been sent to heaven.

 

“Sarah, what are you going to do” I said as I fell on my back. Shrugging her shoulders she looked at me, “that’s why I came here” she said brightly.

 

How is it me that’s the most disturbed by this? Grrr, stupid youth.

 

“Does he know that you carry his child?” I asked.

 

“No. I haven’t told him….”

 

“You should” I muttered. “But this is your problem, so you take the next steps”.

 

Stretching as I got up, I glanced at her to see that she had tears filling her eyes.

 

“I’ll just help”.

 

She smiled gratefully as she rubbed her hand soothingly against her bump.

 

“Are you going to keep it?”

 

“Yeah.” She said gently, and for a moment I saw a different side to Sarah. Maybe this baby could help her see the world in a different light….

 

“But do you think I’m going to put on some weight?”

 

Just kidding.

 

 

Chapter 3: the hunger games

Chapter 3: The hunger games

 

“Oh my god Isabel, I am so hungry!” Sarah cried as she raided my cupboards and stuffed her cheeks. “No shit Sherlock” I muttered darkly as she ate my food in front of me. “I can just die of hunger. I mean no offense but-”

 

Ok time to tune her out.

 

Signing I grabbed the TV remote and flipped through the channels. News, cartoon, ad, news….holy cows, the Looney Tunes. Step back people because Bugs Bunny is entering the ho- “Isabel are you even listening to me!” Sarah screeched as she flung herself on the sofa. “I’m bloody hungry and-”

 

“So? What do you want me to do?” Ok, yes I know she’s pregnant, but no one gets in the way of the classic cartoons. “I want you to get your ass to the market and buy me some bloody food” she screamed. Ok crazy women holding a bar of chocolate in her hand and beating the crap out of the cushion. “Ok calm down Sarah” I said soothingly, “put the weapon down and step away from the cushion.”

 

“Ha, ha, ha never you mongrel. This is the end; prepare to meet your doom!”

Cue music.

 

Wait, what am I doing! And what’s with these lines, I mean talk about cliché.

 

“Fine, I’ll get you some food. Just don’t burn the house down and don’t bring that dog in”.

 

 If it is a dog…

 

“Yip-yip, food.” What the hell was that noise….

 

“What do pregnant women want anyway?” I groaned as I got up and made my way to the door.

 

This is so tiresome, and here I thought I could spend my time blissfully enjoying the holidays….

 

Grabbing my car keys and my purse I made my way outside and into the hot summer day. Where the sun was whipping at my back and beating the air  out of me. I was so grateful to reach my truck and I nearly sang and praised the Lord.

 

 

But of course nothing goes my way, and the car just happened to ‘break down’. Though I have my suspicions that a greater power is at work here. Or some hobo used some magic and murdered my car. Ah, imagine the headlines. ‘Hobo who kills cars, could your car be next?’

Snorting I leaned my back against the exterior and stared blankly at my house. It was an average two story complex and was painted a pale blue. The front lawn had a random fountain at the front, which was right in the center. And the flowers surrounding it were all withered, but that’s to be expected from this heat.

 

Ok, well I can’t really enter the house or I’m sure to get skinned alive and hanged from the washing line. And I can’t really hitch hike because I may be gagged and raped. So the only option is to walk. Oh my god, shoot me now. Either way, I’ll probably die of thirst and starvation before collapsing. But it’s the only option I have.

 

After walking the grueling path to the shops

 

I made it! And it’s so good to feel the cool air after entering the market. But I can’t savor the moment for too long, because Sarah might do something rash if I don’t come home with food. Ok, what to get.

 

Looking around I realized I should have asked Sarah what she wanted. I tried calling her, but she didn’t answer. Oh no, she’s probably lying dead on the floor