Always Yours, Amicia Bianchi [top non fiction books of all time txt] 📗

was pursuing had somebody else or not.

 

"I was yours but I don't think I can continue to be," I said feeling deflated,

 

"I can't do this anymore, I'd thought I could... I'd thought tonight would be different. I'd thought everything would be okay if we were together, if we were on the same page, but we're not, Bryce. So I'm breaking up with you," I told him softly.

 

Somehow I got out of his embrace, walked to an exit at the end of the hallway, and didn't look back.

Chapter 5: The Ticket

I had every intention to get in my car and go straight home but clumsily bumping into someone, for the second time that night, changed those plans. This person I was actually friends with unlike Raymond James.

 

Her name was Skylar Terossi and despite having been here for three years since she moved we'd just recently become close friends in past few months.

 

It was back when I'd started avoiding my friends I would go to the library during lunch and I met her. She used to spend her lunch in the library long before I started going and we quickly became fast friends. Finding a friend in Skylar was probably the best thing that came out of the whole ordeal.

 

I'd been on my way to my car when I'd absentmindedly collided with her and she noticed my distress. I'd tried to brush off her concern but after my confrontation with Bryce I was too emotionally drained to fight anyone else. It had taken everything I could muster to break up with him and walk away.

 

When she pressed me about why I was leaving early and insisted that something had to be wrong I'd only gotten her to let me go after promising to tell her later.

 

After she'd finally left I went home and cried until I fell asleep, glad that my parents were still at the party.

 

Most people wouldn't notice that I was gone especially because they saw me they'd assume I was still there somewhere.

 

Today I forced myself to answer the door when the doorbell rang thinking it was Skylar because Angelica would've just walked in and anybody else would knock. She was the only person that I knew who always rang the doorbell and I didn't feel like talking to anyone but when I opened the door the one standing there was Bryce.

 

"Can we talk?" he asked.

 

I wondered if I really should because I know Angie would want me to but listening to her had gotten me where I was now.

 

"Please," he begged.

 

Looking at him it seemed as if he hadn't slept, his hair was a mess, his eyes were red and I caved. I decided I'd listen but that didn't mean we were getting back together.

 

He needed to know that this wasn't all those other times when he did things like this and I pretended as if nothing happened, waiting for us to get past the point where that seemed ok for him to do. And we'd gotten there for a little while, or so I thought, until last night.

 

I couldn't allow him to continue disregarding my feelings, I was through with letting him set the terms in our relationship if he was going to use it to do whatever he wanted.

 

If we got back together things were going to change and he needed to know it, starting now.

 

"Fine," I closed the front door and stepped outside, "what do want Bryce?" I questioned crossing my arms.

 

"I didn't mean for things to go the way they did last night I'd meant to explain to you that what you saw was a misunderstanding."

 

"Really? Because I'm pretty sure I know what I saw."

 

"I had gone in that room to call you," I raised a skeptical eyebrow.

 

"Then how is it that almost as soon as I walked outside Angie called me?" he seemed unfazed by my admission but simply nodded.

 

"My mom had been hounding me, since I told her that I was planning to leave early with you, about being on my phone at the party. When it started and you weren't there, especially when I saw your parents, I thought that maybe you'd decided not to come. Every time I asked Angie she just said you were coming but she didn't seem entirely sure herself after a while."

 

I rolled my eyes, Angie had been suspicious when I'd told her I was coming late but that didn't make what he was saying true.

 

"Since my texts had gone unanswered all day I decided to call you except I couldn't do it in plain sight of my mother and signal in there was kind of spotty. So I told them if I wasn't back in ten minutes to assume either my mother had caught me or I couldn't find signal in the building in which case they should call. That was the only reason I was in that room."

 

I nearly called Angie right then just to verify but knowing where she stood I wasn't sure if she would tell me the truth or just go along with Bryce's story.

 

I concluded that she'd probably be coming over today anyway so I'd ask her then and decide.

 

"It was while I was in there looking for signal Emy came in and wanted to strike up a conversation about something I wasn't really paying attention to. Then you walked in…" he trailed. I briefly recall initially thinking that he looked bored out of his mind but that didn't mean anything. I didn't think a cheating guy really needed to find someone who was interesting as long as the woman was willing.

 

"And why should I believe you?" I asked.

 

"I know that I haven't been the best but you've got to believe me."

 

"And why is that? When you've done things like this before and now suddenly I can believe you only want me?" I pretended to I inspect my nails so he wouldn't see the hurt in my eyes.

 

"I know that I've been an idiot," he took my hands in his larger ones and looked in my eyes, "but I swear to you I have never cheated on you," he emphasized with such conviction in his voice I couldn't doubt his words.

 

"I guess that all depends on how you define cheating," I mumbled averting my eyes. He shook his head,

 

"I mean everything, kissing, hugging, holding hands, flirting. Everything. I even stop letting Ms. Carlson kiss me on the cheek." If it had been any other time I probably would've laughed.

 

Ms. Carlson was a seventy-six year old gray haired widowed grandmother who made a point to give Bryce one of her wet signature kisses on the cheek, that always left her lipstick behind, every time she saw him. Avoiding her was impossible since she was his neighbor and considering she was a human with fragile health his mom had him at the elderly woman's house almost every day to help her.

 

He didn't wait on a response from me,

 

"I know I have messed up in the past, I admit that. I should have done so much better but if you'll give me another chance I will be better," he spoke softly.

 

He got down on his knees, "I'd give anything if I could take away the suffering I caused you. I want to make you forget all of the pain I put you through and replace it with nothing but a ton of happy memories from here on out, if you'll let me. I'm willing to prove to you that I'm serious and I won't let you go. I know an apology probably doesn't mean anything to you right now but that's all I can give you, that and the assurance that I will make it up to you every way that's possible. If there were a way to erase all the bad I would have taken it because I know 'I'm sorry' is a poor substitute and it doesn't make you feel any better but I am. I sincerely regret making you feel like I didn't care. You're disappointed and I make no justification for my actions. You're angry and I understand, I promise that I'll change."

 

I told myself I wouldn't cry but tears were cascading down my cheeks.

 

I hated crying.

 

That's why I hate how this relationship has made us. We used to be so close, we told each other everything. All the ducking and dodging was killing me. Pretending like everything was okay has divided us because we felt we couldn't trust the other person enough to be vulnerable around them. In the end we both are suffering.

 

"Get up," I spoke through my tears, I couldn't look at his face and tell him it was over again even if that's what I needed to do. When he got up he pulled me into his arms and the first thing I noticed was his scent.

 

"You smell nice," it was out of my mouth before I realized I'd said it.

 

I'm so pathetic.

 

He tightened his hold but all I could do was cry when he kissed top of my head. If we got back together or if we break up they were undecided possibilities and although they were choices in my hand, I was so confused, I didn't know what I wanted to do. The reality was that Bryce was going to New York.

 

No matter what happened between us I'd still miss him. His scent, hugs, kisses; I would remember it all the good and bad because it was Bryce yet I didn't want missing him to force me to make a decision I'd regret.

 

If we got back together that wouldn't put an end to trust issues or take away the hurt. It's committing to try being vulnerable in order to work out trust issues and in time getting over the hurt.

 

He rubbed my back soothingly until I pulled away to look up at him before reaching out to cup his face in my hands. He touched his forehead to mine as he said he was sorry again and whispered promises. I wasn't sure he could keep those promises but what I found endearing was the statement he was trying to say but couldn't put into words.

 

I hated us like this. We were both crying and in that moment I desperately wanted something to hold onto. Even though he had hurt me I couldn't turn a blind eye to the fact that somewhere in this he was hurt and suffering too. For that reason I wanted desperately to believe he would give a sincere effort this time.

 

With his assurances I allowed myself to believe at least for this moment that he meant every word he said. That he could go to New York and nothing would happen, not because we were mates but because he was going to be serious and committed to our relationship from here on out.

 

It happened so subtly I'm not sure who initiated it, all I know is that the moment his lips touched mine I was lost.

 

The kiss started out slow and gentle, a comforting meeting of lips but then he deepened it. He held me to him with a desperate grip and put all of his feelings into it, reassuring me that he intended to fulfill every one of his promises.

 

When we finally pulled