Broken Pieces, L. S. [brene brown rising strong .txt] 📗

is the same time last year when they helped me get out of the Ron-mess I got involved in. A lot had happened in almost a year but it all felt yesterday.

I typed in my reply

I’m good sort of, how about you?

I drank my beer when my phone beeped again.

Sort of? That’s no good. What’s wrong?

I smiled then typed in another message.

Nothing. Just not feeling well.

He replied.

Why don’t I believe you?:P

I replied.

You should be

I waited for his reply.

Okay. I will. When are you going to visit us? We’ve missed you.

 I missed them too.

Sudden change of plans. I’ve missed you all too.

I really wanted to visit them, especially Nicole but since the scandal came out Carter hasn’t brought that up yet and neither did I. Besides, I don’t think our plans are still on after what happened earlier.

My phone beeped again.

Bad change, huh? Just come over here when you can, okay? Nicole misses you big time.

I replied.

Me too. Not a busy night?

Normally, Saturdays are the busiest night in the club so Nate and Keith are always on the bar talking with customers about business.

Nope. Not in bar tonight, got some bad colds so I’m staying at home .

I was about to reply when I heard footsteps going inside the house. I put my phone inside my shorts pocket and walked my way inside our home. I found Carter sitting on the bar stool pouring himself a glass of scotch.

I had second thoughts of walking towards him when I remembered our conversation earlier. He was still wearing the same clothes he wore this afternoon. I glanced on my wristwatch and it's almost eight in the evening. I went to the breakfast bar keeping some distance between us. He glanced my way as he drank his scotch.

"Have you eaten?" he asked.

I put my beer down the table and shook my head.

"Nope, not hungry." I answered with sarcasm.

He smirked and it made me regret the way my words came out. Silence filled the room and our situation is killing me the hell out of me. So, I finish the rest of my beer and was about to just go to the room and sleep this shit out. When I walked pass him, he grabbed my arm so I stopped.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

I almost didn't hear him.  My eyes are wet so I took a deep breath to keep my tears from falling. The last thing I want right now is for him to feel sorry for me and blame himself again. I turned to face him and meet his gaze, his eyes has dark circles around it due to lack of sleep. His face is sad and angry and hopeless. It hurts me to see like that, he looks weak and vulnerable very not the Carter I used to know.

"I know things are tough," I said swallowing the lump in my throat. "You're going through hard times and I get that, I do but you shouldn't take it out on me cause pointing fingers and taking the blame will not make things better, in fact they're making things worst and it's tearing us apart." I said pouring my heart out to him.

He sighed and gave me a slight nod.

"I know and I am sorry for acting the way that I did earlier, it's not fair for you but I don't know what to do anymore." he sat on the bar stool and wrapped his arms on my waist pulling me closer to him. "For the first time in my heart I lost control on things, it felt like my life turned from zero to bullcrap and I don't have any fucking idea how to pick up the pieces." I can clearly feel the pain and the hurt in his voice.

I put my hands on his shoulders slightly squeezing his neck. It broke my heart to see his this hopeless and I knew he needed my comfort.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore," he pulled my back and stared at me.

"I'm fine, you don't have to worry about me," I assured him.

He shook his head.

"Not until this mess is fix, I will always blame things on you even when I know I shouldn't be so I thought it would be better if you stay in Florida for a while like what we originally planned." he said.

My eyes widened. Is he kicking me out? As far as I know the original plan was visit Florida together, not me going by myself. I shut my eyes closed until it almost hurt.

"Are you kicking me out?" I asked bravely.

"No, just saving you from me," he said.

I didn't quite understand what he meant about that but I chose to keep my thoughts with me. I also think some time apart will be good for us, maybe he can think things over and I can spend some time with Nicole.

"Alright," I sighed.

"I'll make calls to prepare the penthouse for you and Phoebe will take care of your plane ticket." he said with finality.

I nodded as pain fills through my chest.

 

Phoebe booked me a first class flight to Florida two-days after Carter and I agreed about my visit to Nicole. She called me directly since Carter was out as always. I've called Nicole the moment I hung up the phone with Phoebe to let her know I am coming to visit her after. She immediately knew something was off between me and Carter because of the sudden change of plans. She was worried but I assured her that I am fine. I don't want to talk about my dilemma over the phone, I prefer to tell her in person. She promised to meet me at the airport, maybe will borrow Keith's car or Nate's.

I was packing my things on the luggage Carter bought me when my phone rang. Christy's name registered on the screen so I immediately answered.

"Hey," I answered.

I put her speakers so I can continue to pack.

"Hey, how are you?" she greeted me.

She sounds happy so I tried to sound the same even though I wasn't.

"Er-Good, I guess" I said sighing.

"I'll take that as a no, meet me let's have coffee," she mumbled.

I stopped for a while, thinking about her invitation. I really want to talk to her about Carter's plan for us and maybe get infected by her happiness.

"I need to finish packing first," I said seconds later.

"You're leaving?" the surprise in her tone is obvious.

"Yeah, I'm visiting my friend in Florida,"

I can imagine her face cocking her brows.

"So the plan is still on? I thought Carter wouldn't want to leave right now?" she asked.

I put more clothes inside the luggage trying to fit as many item as possible. I have a huge feeling that I might stay in Florida longer than usual.

"I am going by myself," I couldn't hide the disappointment on my voice.

"Huh? How come he is letting you leave knowing you're current situation?" she asked, she is confused I can tell.

I took a disappointed breath.

"This idea came from him," I said sadly.

Christy was quiet for a moment.

"Hurry up and finish packing, meet me in an hour at the cafe, okay?" she then said.

"Yeah, sure,"

"See yah,"

"Yeah"

I hung up the phone and continued packing my things. I glanced on our digital clock on the nightstand, it’s two-thirty-seven in the afternoon. I woke up six in the morning and Carter already left and he hasn’t called to let me know where he went. My flight is at eleven in the morning tomorrow and until now I don’t have any idea if Carter will be driving me over or if it is Marcus who will take me to the airport. I am hoping my first thought will happen but I have a huge feeling that the latter is the plan.

Once I was done packing, I set aside the luggage on the walk-in closet. I still need to pack some toiletries but I still have to shop for supplies. I took a quick shower, put a cotton sundress and made my way to the garage where my Bentley is parked.

I called Carter to let him know I am meeting Christy but all I got was his voicemail so I just left a message instead.

Christy is already at the café around Manhattan Avenue. She greeted me with a tight hug and a warm smile. She was wearing a black tank top and a faded denim shorts and converse, she looks not-so Christy and more of like Adam. I ordered a frappe before I took the chair opposite hers. In front of her were a strong brewed coffee and a slice of cheesecake.

“Is Brooke coming?” I asked as I looked around.

The café is pretty crowded with people who just got out of the beach. Most of the people here go to UCLA.

“I don’t know, I called her and told her I am meeting you but she is a bit disturbed,” she answered, shrugging her shoulders.

I cocked my brow.

“Disturbed? What does that mean?” I asked.

She took a deep breath.

"You know Brooke, she is always on the run, whoring someone," she laughed.

I did too. Brooke is just the kind of girl guy's doesn't want to fall in love with cause for sure they'll have their hearts broken.

I heard my name called by the waiter from the counter. I stood up and went to get my frapped with my name written on the cup. I sip on it and went back to my seat.

"So, when are you leaving?" Christy asked.

Then I remember the real reason I met with her here. I put the cup down and stared at the moist coming from the cold drink.

"Tomorrow, my flight's at 11 in the morning." I answered, sighing.

She shook her head and made a disappointed sighed.

"I don't understand Carter, I don't get him at all." she snorted.

After the news came out, I was left with no choice but to tell my story to Brooke and Christy. I realized they're my friends and they did stick with me all through it until now.

"Well, I feel the same," I nodded. "But I think being apart for a while will be good for us, I mean, he can think things through if he's still want me," I felt a sudden pang in my chest. "I also need this time for myself to balance everything, besides my friends in Florida misses me so much." I told her trying to sound okay.

The thought of Carter not wanting me anymore sends an unexplainable pain in my heart. I got used to the life with him but there's nothing I can do if he decided to send me back to Miami Beach.

"One thing I know for sure, I want you here Jill, you're the only friend that I know I can count on no matter what, so please come back," she pleads. "You can stay here, I mean, if Carterdoesnt want you, it doesnt mean it's the end for you here, right? I can help you find a job here, and my parents can help you get a scholarship in UCLA," she explained.

I shook my head, I don't think it will be easy for me to still come back here knowing that Carter kicked me out.

"Jillian, you can't go back to Florida and strip again." Christy said breaking my thoughts. "I mean, you've already established a life here, you were able to finish a year, you can do so much better now instead of taking your clothes off."

What she said hurt me, but I knew it's the reality.

"I'll think about it, but for now I just have to go back and spend some time with my friends, I'll just figure everything out once Carter made up his mind and tells me what he wants to do with me."

"Alright,"

Then I took a deep breath and sip on my frappe.