Searching for Anna, Jenifer Carll-Tong [cheapest way to read ebooks TXT] 📗
- Author: Jenifer Carll-Tong
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She could feel heat instantly in her ears and knew she must be blushing the deepest of reds.
"I don't know if I would have had the guts to tell your father like Will did, especially knowing he might lose his respect. Anyway, he spoke often of your father and mother, of the church he grew up in, but mostly, he spoke about you and about how he prayed that if God brought him out of the war, he was going to spend, well, the rest of his life if it took that long, winning your heart.
"I had never felt anything close to that kind of adoration for anyone in my life, so when my injury brought me back to the states, I applied for work at the Lansing State Journal. I don't know why. I had no ties in Lansing, that I knew of at the time. I guess curiosity just got the better of me. I wanted to meet this Reverend Albright that had been so influential in Will's life, see if he was as real as Will said, wanted to meet his charming wife…but most of all, I wanted to meet the woman that owned the heart of my best friend.
"But meeting that woman was nearly my undoing. The minute I saw her, I knew exactly why Will was so in love with her. She captivated me and ruined me all at once. I'm telling you, Phoebe, never in all my life had I felt such despair, because I knew in an instant that the daughter of Reverend Albright was the only woman I would ever love, and it was a wretched feeling since she was also the woman my best friend – and the man who saved my life – loved as well."
Phoebe sat perfectly still, horrified at what she was hearing. Surely, her sister's husband was not saying…
John continued. "For weeks, although I avoided her at all costs out of respect for Will, my thoughts were captivated by that wavy blonde hair and those piercing green eyes…"
"Esther!" Phoebe smiled, relieved. "You thought Esther was me."
"Yes. As far as I knew, there was only one Albright sister of marrying age. Can you imagine my heartbreak?" he chuckled.
"How long was it before you realized your mistake?"
"Months! It wasn't until Will returned for his mother's funeral that I found out the truth."
Phoebe laughed heartily. She had never heard this story.
"So, it may have taken months for me to figure out my folly, but it only took minutes to decide I needed to correct it. Unfortunately, in my earnestness to keep a respectful distance between your sister and myself, I had done a lot of damage to her opinion of me. I found myself in the position of a man who had to work hard to win the love of a woman. But, as you well know, I succeeded in the end."
"I'm so happy that you discovered Esther's true identity. I can't imagine our family without you. I can't imagine you two loving anyone else."
John grew serious. "Yes, we do love each other. And that's what we want for you – and for Will. Phoebe, Esther has told me that she's concerned about your relationship with him."
Phoebe dropped her eyes again. "Yes. She thinks I am stringing Will along, but I tried to explain to her that I have been very clear with Will about my feelings – or lack of feelings, I suppose."
John nodded. "I see. Well, like I tried to tell Esther, Will is a grown man who can make his own choices. But Phoebe, please be careful. Even strong men like Will can have fragile hearts. They can sustain a chip easily and even a crack, but when that kind of heart is broken completely, even the sincerest apology won't be able to repair it."
Phoebe stood between her two sisters as six officers of the Michigan State Constabulary carried Wendell's casket to the open grave. She watched Will, at the head of the casket, and wondered at his quiet strength. All the constables performed the duty with the dignity and respect due any fallen comrade, but no one knew as well as Phoebe how difficult the task must be for Will. This truly was his fallen comrade – his friend, adopted sibling, brother in Christ – that he was laying to rest.
Still, the other officers seemed to take on the task with more earnestness than one would expect. They didn't appear to be merely performing a ceremonial duty for a stranger. There seemed a brotherhood shared with the deceased, a total stranger, yet a member of a fraternal group – not earned by military training or by admittance through initiation – but by his final act of sacrifice to save the life of one of their own. They were honoring Wendell as if he were one of them, as if they now claimed him to be so.
As she watched the faces of the officers, many not much older than Wendell himself, she couldn't help mourning what could have become of the young man. He was so young, so full of promise, yet God had destined that his time in this world was complete. Complete? But what about his mission to win the other young miners for Christ? Or his continuing education now that he could read? There was so much he could have accomplished. What about love?
Sarah shifted her weight and leaned her head against Phoebe's shoulder. How many times had Phoebe thought of Sarah when she'd been with Wendell? He was only slightly older. They would have liked one another, she mused. So much so that she had even hoped that someday, if she could convince Sarah to visit for the summer, maybe the two would…
This last thought of what could have been was too much for Phoebe. She had tried so hard to maintain her composure, and had been successful throughout the funeral, but she could control her emotions no longer. She felt a shudder from deep within, like the vibration of distant thunder within her soul. Her body shook once, then twice – a silent sobbing, before the actual tears appeared. She couldn't control the weeping any more than she could control the shaking that had taken over her body. She was lost in a wave of sorrow and felt as if she would be sucked into the tide had the arms of her brother-in-law not kept her afloat. John held her tight against his side as she sobbed quietly.
"It's alright. You're going to be alright," he said above the top of her head.
Phoebe could hear her father's deep voice somewhere in the distance.
"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted…"
'But why him, Lord? Why now? Didn't he have so much to offer? To others? Wasn't there work left undone for you?'
"Phoebe," came John's voice in answer. "Don't be sad. Wendell is with Jesus. He isn't crying. He is rejoicing."
"A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance…"
"Mourn for your loss, for the emptiness you feel without him," John continued. "But don't mourn for Wendell. He is where we all yearn to be – at the feet of our Savior. And even if you could, you wouldn't take him away from that just to come back to us, would you?"
Hadn't she said nearly the same words to Will?
'But they were so much easier to say than they are to hear, Lord.'
Will stood in formation with the other officers, but his mind was far away, in the Upper Peninsula, fixated over the gaping opening of the sinkhole. Try as he might, he could not stop himself from playing the scene over and over again in his mind. He looked for details, missed opportunities, anything he might have done that might have changed the outcome. He knew it was useless, but he couldn't stop himself. The guilt he felt about Wendell's death hung over him like a shroud.
'Cast your cares on me,' came a voice within Will's spirit.
Will trembled. 'I can't, Lord. I can't forget.'
'Give me your burden.'
Will closed his eyes. 'I want to. I want to give it to you. But I can't stop thinking about it.'
It didn't help that Will was also worrying about the meeting with his superiors planned for the upcoming afternoon. They would question him, probably go over every single detail, and make him relive that horrible day. But it couldn't be avoided.
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