Searching for Anna, Jenifer Carll-Tong [cheapest way to read ebooks TXT] 📗
- Author: Jenifer Carll-Tong
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'Lord, please give me strength.'
'The Lord will give strength unto his people; the Lord will bless his people with peace.'
Will took a deep breath, finally laying his burdens at the feet of Jesus. He wasn't certain how, but he would try his hardest to leave them there and to finally let go of the guilt he had been carrying for the past week. Will felt a stirring within him and a renewed spirit rise up in his soul. He opened his eyes hoping for a new peace, but his eyes rested on the sight of Phoebe sobbing in John's arms.
Phoebe. How he longed to comfort her right then. His stomach lurched at the sight of her weeping. She had sought to comfort him – the night of the accident, on the train, and in her prayers, he was certain – but now that she needed him, he was helpless. Well, not completely helpless.
'Dear Father, hold her in your arms. Soothe her spirit. Take her burdens,' Will prayed.
The committal service ended, and Will shook hands and thanked the officers who had served as pallbearers for Wendell.
"Glad to do it, sir. He deserved the honor, considering his sacrifice."
Will nodded and dismissed the junior officers. He turned to look for Phoebe. She was still standing with John's arm around her, although her crying had stopped. Will started for her, but a soft touch on his arm stopped him. He turned and found Esther looking at him sympathetically.
"Leave her be, Will."
"Esther," he said, laying his hand on hers. "I know you're concerned, but I am fully aware of what I am doing."
"Are you?" she asked, eyebrows raised. "And has 'what you are doing' brought Phoebe any closer to loving you?"
Will wanted to answer yes, but he wasn't completely certain that was true. Yes, they had grown closer. Phoebe no longer looked on him with disdain, but did she ever look at him with affection? He couldn't say that was true, no matter how desperately he wished it to be so.
"Even a friend would want to comfort her right now."
"She has John to comfort her. And mother and father. No, Will, if you were honest with yourself you would realize that you want to comfort her for you just as much as you want to for her."
Will swallowed hard, watching Phoebe smile weakly at an elderly couple from Lansing First Church as they spoke to her. Esther was right. There was a churning, empty feeling in the pit of his stomach that only Phoebe's touch could fill right now.
"Is that such a bad thing?" he asked, never taking his eyes off Phoebe.
"No, I can't say that it is. But Will, I know how you feel about her. Even if she is too daft to realize it, the rest of the human race can see it all over your face. You are in love with her."
"Completely," he admitted easily.
"Then leave her be."
Will finally turned to look at Esther. Why would she say something like that when he had just admitted his feelings for Phoebe to her?
"I know you don't understand," she answered his unasked question, "but I know my sister. She is very independent and headstrong. If mother and father ever told her she had to do something, she would do everything in her power to do anything but what was expected of her. If, on the other hand, they let her come to her own conclusions, she generally chose the right path – the path they wanted her to take in the first place."
Will considered this. He knew very well how stubborn Phoebe could be. It was something he loved about her.
Esther continued. "If you want Phoebe to love you, you must let her love you on her own terms, in her own time. The more you pursue her, the farther you may end up pushing her away. I genuinely believe that if you back away, she will come to you on her own."
"Back away," he said. "Easier said than done, Esther."
"It's your decision – you back away or she will. It's just the truth of the situation."
Will watched as John escorted Phoebe from the cemetery to her father's waiting car. Maybe Esther was right, he thought, but he sure wasn't looking forward to finding out.
It had been a long, emotionally exhausting day and Phoebe had decided to go to bed early. She and Will would be leaving out on the first train in the morning, so one last good night's sleep in her bed would do her good. She was about to say so when someone knocked at the front door.
"Who in the world would come knocking at this hour?" Mrs. Albright wondered.
Reverend Albright opened the door and found Will, still in uniform, on the other side.
"I'm sorry to bother you so late, but would it be possible to speak with Phoebe?"
Shocked, she rose from her seat in the parlor and met the two men at the door.
"Could I take her for a walk, sir? I won't keep her long."
Any other man would have received a stiff 'Absolutely not,' from her father, but Phoebe knew her father trusted Will implicitly. He agreed. Will helped her with her coat and opened the door.
They were quite a way down the street and Will had said nothing. Phoebe glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.
"I thought you wanted to talk, Officer Caffey. Words must come out of your mouth if you are to accomplish that," she teased, but when she looked at him in the gleam of the streetlight, she realized he wasn't laughing. Will was angry.
"What were you thinking!" he nearly shouted.
She was so caught off guard that she stumbled back a step or two and gasped. "I – I don't know what you are…"
"Are you crazy? I have a mind to shake you right now, woman. I don't think I have ever been so angry in all my life!" He stood, fists clenched. She could see veins popping out on his forehead. She had been shocked at first, but his anger had brought her back to reality and she felt her own ire rising to meet his.
"Excuse me, William Caffey, but I won't be spoken to in this manner. If I have done something to anger you, then you will have to enlighten me. If you want to continue ranting like a lunatic, you can do it alone. I refuse to stand here and be subject to it."
She attempted to walk away, but he grabbed her elbow and swung her back around to face him. He held her firmly, but not painfully.
"I'm talking about that day – the sinkhole. I just came from an afternoon of questioning. I had answers for everything they asked, until they brought up your name. I, looking like a fool, asked why you were even mentioned in the reports. That's when my superiors informed me that it had been you – not another officer – that had risked death to get that rope to me! It was you that crawled across the sinking ground, you that put your life on the line. It took every ounce of self-control I had to not bolt out of that office right that minute to come looking for you. Do you realize you could have died?"
"Of course, I do," she spat back. "Do you realize you would have died had I not acted?"
"I would rather have died than to have you endangered. Do you understand? That's my job – saving you, not the other way around!"
"I couldn't let you die," Phoebe said, her voice cracking. "I – I couldn't bear to…" her voice trailed off.
Will grabbed her other elbow and jerked her close to him. His angry scowl was mere inches from her face.
"I couldn't endure it if I lost you," he said, his voice husky, though still angry.
"Had you died, I would have lost you," she whispered. Without permission, a lone tear fell from the corner of her eye.
Will's eyes grew large at her admission and the hardened lines of his face turned from anger to something else. His breathing slowed, and Phoebe felt her breathing fall into the same, slow rhythm as his. His eyelids lowered to a slit as his eyes skimmed her face, searching for something. They traveled from her eyes to her lips for several moments, then back to her eyes. His breathing became ragged, and he swallowed hard.
"I told myself I would never again kiss you without permission," he said in a low groan.
Phoebe's heart began beating so hard she truly believed that it had crawled into her neck and was throbbing against her throat. As if sensing it there, Will's lips floated over her cheek and down her slender neck, never once actually touching her, only hovering there, caressing her with his breath. He slowly made his way back up, leaving a trail of chills along Phoebe's skin as he did, and returned to lock eyes with her. His lips were so close to hers, but he did not break his promise.
"May I?" he asked, his breath hot against her lips.
Phoebe could feel her blood pulsing through her veins like a river of molten liquid.
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