At His Mercies, Marline J [i like reading books txt] 📗

start crying but then I told myself that I shed enough tears over him already. No, I needed to be strong. This man, the man I loved, was not going to ruin my life. I would not be one of those desperate women who gave up on life when the man they loved did not return their love. I got out of bed and walked out of the tent. Spotting Alex, I marched up to him and then stood with my hands on my hips facing him. 

“I want to go home.”  Alex looked at me and I saw a flicker of pain in his eyes. 

“Don’t you want some breakfast first?” He asked me. 

“No.” I snapped. “All I want right now is to go home.” Alex nodded and wordlessly walked away from me. 

“Jack, bring her home. And don’t bring her back here.” I heard him order. Jack looked over his shoulder at me and then looked at his boss and nodded. 

“Yes sir.” 

 

 

4 months later I was sitting on my bed, dressed in a beautiful gown, waiting for my maid to come in and do my hair. I was staring out the window and looked at the drops of rain that were sliding down the glass window. The weather was perfect for this moment, I was to meet my future husband today. My father had assured me that he was from a well-renowned family and that he was rich and would take care of me. My thoughts inevitably drifted to a man who was the complete opposite, who had a despicable reputation and not a penny to spare: Alex. I let myself think about him for a few moments, before I pushed him out of my mind. No, I couldn’t think of him, I wouldn’t see him ever again and besides, he did not love me. I had to focus on the present, on meeting my future husband, marrying him, having children and getting through life. Who knew, maybe in time I would grow to love him.  A knock on the door woke me up from my pondering. 

“Come in.” I called. A young maid walked into my room with her head held low. She was wearing a boring brown skirt with a beige blouse and a white apron over the top, as was the uniform for all the maids in the house. 

“I have come to do your hair, madam.” She said timidly. I nodded and went to sit in front of the mirror.  Half an hour later my hair was done perfectly and soon after my mother called me to come down stairs. My fiancée was about to arrive and i had to stand in the doorway to greet him. I walked over to the door, took a deep breath, opened it and walked downstairs. At the bottom of the stairs my parents were waiting and together we walked to the large entryway. My parents stood on either side of me and so we waited until it was announced that our guests had arrived. The seconds ticked by and I grew anxious to see who my husband would be. I started switching my weight from my left foot to my right and I felt my hands get clammy. 

“Stand still.” My mother hissed and she sent me a stern look. I obeyed her order and managed to stand still. Can’t this guy hurry up? Or did he enjoy leaving people in agony? I was getting more annoyed by the minute and had to force myself to remain calm and not walk over to the door to scream at the man that he was slower than a snail. Yeah, now that would be ladylike. Finally, after what seemed like hours of gruesome boredom, the doorman announced that our guests had arrived. 

“May I present, Lord and Lady van Nortam and their son James.” The doorman said. I stood up a little straighter and so did my parents on either side of me. The door opened and I couldn’t help but lean forewords to see who was on the other side.  Finally, when the door was fully open, I saw him. He was standing in the middle of his parents, looking around with a look of arrogance and authority. His hair was slicked back to perfection, not a strand was out of place. His pants were tight around his hips and it was evident that he barely possessed any muscle beneath his suit jacket. I cringed inside. Was I to spend the rest of my life with him? Kiss him? Share a marriage bed? I cringed once more but this time it was evident. His eyes roamed over the room and I saw a look of displeasure appear on his face. What, did he not think my house was good enough? And then his eyes landed on me. His gaze roved over my body and a malicious smile appeared on his face.  What? I wanted to snap but I kept my mouth shut and instead held his gaze and stared him down, making sure that my own dissatisfaction was very evident.  Lord and Lady Nortam and their son stepped into the house and Lord Nortam walked over to my father. 

“Mr. Patson,” He shook his hand. Then, he nodded towards my mother,

“Mrs. Patson.” Lord Nortam didn’t even glance my way. 

“Welcome,” My father said.

“Rick will show you to your rooms to freshen up and then we can all meet in the dining hall for dinner.”  “That will be fine.” Lord Nortam said, and, taking his wife by the arm, followed Rick upstairs. All the while I had felt James’ eyes on me and I couldn’t help but become uncomfortable under his stare. With one last evil smile, he followed his parents up the stairs.  The moment I knew they could no longer hear me I turned towards my parents. 

“I will not marry him. I refuse.” I stated and crossed my arms over my chest, a very unladylike gesture. 

“We are not discussing this Florence. He will make a good husband. Now go freshen up and look presentable for dinner.” Finality rang in my father’s voice and I knew there was nothing I could do to change his mind. I looked at my mother and silently pleaded with her but she refused to meet my gaze. I knew all hope was lost and so turned around, ran up the stairs, fell on my bed and wept.  I missed Alex so badly. Why did he not want me? Why could we not have run away together, start a life, get married and live happily ever after? Why did he not love me enough?  Dinner was dreadful. I sat next to James as was expected of me and made polite conversation. James kept sending me smug looks as if he had a secret and I was getting more and more disgusted by his oily, gelled hair. 

“I propose we organize the wedding as soon as possible.” Lord Nortam said halfway through the meal. 

“Sounds like a good idea.” My father replied. 

“Indeed it does,” James said with a grin and to my utter dismay I felt that he put his hand on my leg under the table. I gasped and stood up so quickly that my chair fell backwards. 

“Florence, are you all right?” My mother asked concerned. 

“I’m fine.” I said too quickly. “I just felt a little faint, please excuse me.” 

“But of course.” Lady Nortam said. I could feel James’ arrogant gaze but I refused to look at him and walked out of the room as soon as possible. I ran upstairs to my room, the only place where I felt safe and after I had slammed the door shut I leaned against it in horror. I was going to marry a pervert. 

Forgetting? Impossible.

 The following morning I got dressed and went down for breakfast. To my utter dismay James and his family were already there and seated. 

“Good morning, Lord and Lady Nortam.” I smiled at them and curtsied slightly.

“Sir.” I said, with a tight nod towards James. 

“Good morning Florence, how good to see you. Did you sleep well?” James asked innocently. I wanted to snap at him the same way I had snapped at Alex and tell him: “It’s Ms. Patson to you” but decided that that probably wasn’t the best idea and so instead I pasted a smile on my face and addressed James. 

“Very well, thank you.” And then, looking at James’ parents, I said.

“I apologize for the way I suddenly left yesterday. I don’t know what overcame me.” 

“That’s very all right.” James mother said and I was happy that at least she seemed nice. It would have been even worse if I got a terrible mother-in-law. A feeling of despair overcame me as I suddenly realized for the first time that I was really going to marry this horrid, disgusting man. There was no way out. There was no prince who was coming to save me on a white horse and who would whisk me off into the sunset. No, I was getting an arranged marriage, and one that would never end up in love. But on the outside I did not show any of these emotions. Instead, I sat down at the table, though I made sure to sit as far away from James as possible. Creep. 

“Florence, dear, your tutor is here. You must resume your studies after that terrible kidnapping.” My mother told me straight after breakfast. I had been excused from my studies for almost four and a half months now, so that I could recover from what was only referred to as “that terrible kidnapping.” Every time someone spoke of the kidnapping I cringed inside and I wanted to yell at them that it hadn’t been terrible because I had met Alex. But I kept my mouth firmly shut, if I told them about Alex then they would make sure that the wedding with James was organized and executed as soon as possible. 

“Yes mother,” I said calmly and walked towards the staircase that led to the room where my tutor was already waiting. 

“Florence!” He grinned excitedly when I opened the door. 

 “Good morning sir.” I smiled slightly. My tutor was always far too enthusiastic and especially at this moment I was not in the mood for being happy. 

“I’m glad you are all right, Florence.” He said. “Shall we get to work? You have a lot of catching up to do.” I nodded and sat down at my desk. While my tutor started rambling on about the history of our town, my thoughts drifted to another place and another time. 

 

I was sitting in Alex’s tent and was utterly bored. I hadn’t had anything to do for at least two hours now but it felt like so much longer. I longed to do something, anything, I was even willing to learn how to cook at this moment, something I had never done before. I wished that there was a needle and thread available here so that I could mend my old dress and get out of this new one. I was still uncomfortable with that low bodice and the way the men, and especially Alex, looked at me when I wore it. At that moment, the exact person of my thoughts walked into the tent. 

“Hello Florence,