Kerplunk - It's Over!!, A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends [best biographies to read txt] 📗

to escape to if circumstances with hubby get hot? Do you need a place to begin storing some of your personal items? Do you have a lifeline to someone who will take your call at 3:00 a.m. when you just need to vent? You need someone who cares for you (and your kids) and can be your strength when you just can’t go it alone.
Whether it’s your Mom, Dad, sister, friend, pastor, or neighbor–they will be your backbone. Find yours and confide in them your intentions and fears about pursuing a divorce. Then, listen closely now girls, convince yourself that no matter how much you want to stand on your own, go it alone, handle this all by yourself, that IT IS OKAY to let yourself fall back into the open arms of your personal cheerleader.
Reach out to your family and friends. The feeling of failure is paralyzing. Even if you choose the divorce, you will experience the regret of not being able to hold it all together and make it work. Opening up and being honest with our friends and family was what allowed us to push through and know that people were rooting for us. You will need support too!
"A new friend and her husband opened up their home for me! They gave me a guest room, bathroom, sheets, towels and a key! I could not even express to them how that gave me such a deep sense of peace and love. I had been so afraid to stay home. My husband got out of jail and was stalking me and tried to break into the house on several occasions. I thought if I slept in the upstairs bedroom and he broke in, he would come upstairs and kill me because I could not escape, so I decided to sleep downstairs on the sofa, which I did for 6 months. My girlfriend and her husband enabled me to sleep in a bed, made me feel safe and I slept through the little sounds that woke me up when I was alone." – Michelle, 37
“My mother and father always listened first and then pointed out when I was being irrational. They knew without asking if I needed help with the kids, with finances, with getting out of town, etc. I never had to ask or explain. They also reminded me every day that they would never judge me if I changed my mind. And while I knew I never would, I believed that they would never judge me.” – Dee, 39
“Find the best sitter with a driver’s license and first aid (Red Cross) certification immediately. You have to have help with your children, preferably someone not involved with this situation so they cannot talk about it.” – Jessica, 30
“My parents were my only support. They were awesome! They let my son and I move in with them until I could get on my feet financially.” – Renee, 28
“My family was shocked that I would leave my Ex. They were against me doing this. My support came from my church and a God-sent neighbor.” – Terry, 49
“My best girlfriend. We would talk each and every day and she was there for me every inch of the way. She even helped me get a loan to purchase my home.” – Lynda, 37
“My mom was very supportive. Even though she didn’t want to see us divorce, ultimately, she wanted me to be happy. Once I filed for divorce and my in-laws found out, they never spoke to me again. This was something I thought might happen, but it was very hard after having them in my life for 24 years.” – Carrie, 48
"I am lucky because one of my good friends, workout partner and next door neighbor is also a family counselor so I get free advice at least 3 times per week." – Cheryl, 36
8. Consider a Secure Storage Place
Everyone's separation situation is different. Some lucky girlfriends are able to part amicably with their Ex. Others experience pure hell. We hate to be the bearers of bad tidings but sometimes men go nuts when their wives announce they are leaving. Sometimes men retaliate by destroying the items you hold dear. Women do this too, we know. We all have tempers; but our mission is to help you protect your personal effects. You might want to begin moving some of your less noticeable personal items out of the house to a secure place. Perhaps you move stuff to your office or to your sister's garage. Maybe you rent a storage unit. We are not suggesting that you raid the house and swipe all the framed photos of your kids and your great grandmother's antique silver candle sticks on the mantle, but think about relocating some of your less conspicuous treasures that may be living in the attic or the basement.

"I had commissioned a very expensive painted portrait of my three children. My husband always hated the painting and enjoyed commenting aloud that he thought the kids looked stupid in it. (That he would say this in front of the children, it broke my heart.) I hung the painting not in our main family room where he would have to look at it every day, but instead in the dining room where I could enjoy it from time to time. One morning I walked through the dining room and noticed the painting was not on the wall. I asked him where it was and he just laughed maliciously. He had hidden it from me before in the attic eaves and once in the garage behind the lawn mower. "Please, tell me where the painting is," I begged, but he just sneered at me and said, "I told you I hate that damn painting and not to hang it in my house." I was getting ready to leave to take the kids to pre-school he snatched my keys off the countertop, opened the back door and threw my keys across the backyard, out into the pouring rain and turned to me and said "Maybe you should start your search for that stupid-ass painting out there while you look for your keys." I ran out into the backyard, frantically grabbing handfuls of wet leaves searching for my car keys. Suddenly my hand hit the corner of something hard under a heaping pile of rotting, wet leaves. My stomach tightened as I instantly realized I had found my cherished portrait that was now completely ruined. The following week I began moving my personal items, heirlooms, and treasured artwork and hand-made gifts from my kids, things a mother holds dear, to my neighbors' garage." – Tricia, 41

9. Your Action Plan
In the words of Paul Simon: “Slip out the back, Jack. Make a new plan, Stan. No need to be coy, Roy. Just get yourself free.” You have mulled this over in your mind. You have tried to imagine how your life will be different, better, calmer, happier when it’s all behind you. You want it so badly you can taste freedom like a big wad of cotton candy melting on your tongue. And in order to get to that destination you dream of called Your New Life, you first have to make a detailed plan. If you checked all the above items off of your to-do list, it’s time to lay some plans.
When will you tell him?
How will you tell him?
Are you going to move out or will you ask him to?
If so, where will you go?
Who will help you move?
Do you have the utilities set up in your name?
What about the kids? (Skip ahead to Chapter # for information on custody and visitation agreements.)

“None of our home utilities were in my name. I had no personal credit on which to base my new accounts. I was afraid, but something told me to take a risk and rely on the kindness of strangers. Each time I called the power company, the phone company, the gas company to set up the new utilities in my name, God blessed me with a female customer service rep. I was honest with her. I told her that I was preparing to leave my husband and currently all our utilities were in his name. Each time, the customer service rep would reply, ‘It’s okay. I totally understand. I know you are afraid because I have been in your position. I am going to waive the set up fee and I will have no problem opening a new account for you.’ If that’s not amazing Girl Power, I don’t know what is. Women look out for each other.” – Alyssa, 36

10. Don’t make snap decisions.
You’ve read through the myriad of tasks that you have before you so that you can move forward with a divorce…with a clear head. During the process of discovery, while you are collecting all of your information, you may be tempted to go nuclear and angrily confront your spouse with your (potentially) alarming findings. Abort! Abort! Don’t do it. You need a complete, clear picture of your findings. Blowing your lid midstream will only complicate your progress. Once you feel you know all you need to know, then take a day, a week, however long you need to manage your emotions and get yourself prepared for this ordeal. Even the most amicable divorces are emotionally draining. Yours will be no different. Take time to base your decision on research and facts, on patterns. Hold off on any other major life changes right now until you get your mind squared on this one. When you are ready to take the next step you will know.

“When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always be worse. And when they are, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad they have to get better.”


There you have it. Your Tactical Top 10 Steps to facilitating your separation and divorce. Are you ready? Get set…no? Not yet, well keep reading…

Waiting for the Perfect Time
Let us start by saying, there never is going to be the perfect time to dissolve your marriage. Just face it. Divorce was not part of the happily ever after plan. Most women believe that they can smooth over the drama of divorce by waiting for the perfect time to launch it on their family. Women typically put their lives on hold for their kids. “I will leave him when the kids are out of the house, when they are grown and go away to college.” They put their plans on hold until after the holidays and family birthdays. “I can’t begin this separation mess right now, it’s almost Thanksgiving, and then it will be Christmas, and New Year’s, and then little Sally’s birthday and then…” They postpone their goals and life changes for their friends and parents. “My parents will never understand if I leave my husband. They will never forgive me!” Men, however, often suddenly announce that they are having a mid-life crisis and disregard everyone and do what they want. Women are more apt to make a schedule and plan a mid-life crisis. Women have a tendency to say, "I can't afford to have a breakdown; I can’t pay for a divorce and for college for the kids.” They try to wait until it’s convenient for everyone else…and that just stinks! So often,