How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #1), DeYtH Banger [mobi reader .TXT] 📗

from?” and “Did you hear that [newsworthy story]?” Avoid performing interviews by breaking off your questions with your own statements and stories. Avoid pointing out the awkward silence by commenting on it. Break some of the rules in this guide rather than trying to watch your tongue and becoming self-aware as a result. See the bigger perspective of this guide as a pathway to better conversations.

BEFORE YOUR NEXT CONVERSATION

Hey!

Don’t get overwhelmed by all the advice in this guide. There’s one, single principle that ties together most of what we have talked about here. And that is having a focus on the other person.

I recommend that you cultivate a curiosity in people you meet. Who are they, where do they come from and where are they going? Get to know the person, and relate to him or her by sharing related bits and pieces of your own life. Cultivate this interest, and the rest will follow.

Don’t try to learn everything at once. Select a few ideas and implement them in your conversations. When you are able to do them routinely, come back to this guide and take something new away with you.

Congratulations on following this guide so far!

It's time for the final chapter: Chapter 4: How to become relaxed and confident in any conversation.

 

Chapter 1.1 - Just Start (Part 2)

 The danger of high self-confidence and low self-esteem

 

 

I know this guy back in Sweden who’s very confident. He talks with a loud voice and has no problem taking up space.

Well, let me rephrase that: His problem is that he takes up too much space.

You see, he always has to be the center of attention. If he’s not, he doesn’t enjoy himself.

He has great self-confidence. In other words, he believes in his own social ability. He can take tell stories that catches everyone’s attention and he knows that he can make everyone laugh.

What he doesn’t have is self-esteem. (I’m not trying to play hobby psychologist here – he’s going to a therapist and these are his own words.)

So what’s the difference between the two?

Self-confidence is how much you believe in your ability to do something. (For example, taking the center stage in a social setting.) Self-esteem is what value you put on yourself. (How high you think that your self-worth is.)

That guy I know needs to constantly get the approval of others to feel self-worth.

He’s great at getting to know new people. He’s great with girls. He’s fun at parties. But – he’s terrible at long-term relationships because people tire of him.

CONTINUES BELOW

Free training: "How to double your social confidence in 5 minutes"

On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today.

It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life". 

 

What happens if you instead have HIGH self-esteem but LOW social self-confidence?

This person is probably afraid to take the center stage and take initiatives. But they don’t need to continuously feed their egos. This makes them more pleasant to be with – generally speaking. But there are exceptions. New studies show that more isn’t better when it comes to self-esteem.1You want to have a decent self-esteem, but not a sky-high one. A sky-high self-esteem makes us unpleasant to be around and hard to relate to. For example, narcissists have a very high self-esteem, they see themselves as perfect.

Assuming you have a healthy dose of self-esteem, you’re more likely to have happy long-term relationships because you’re able to focus on what others need, too. (You’re not stuck constantly trying to feed your starving ego.)

Many methods we hear about to improve self-esteem doesn’t actually work. Most affirmations, for example, even make people with low self-esteem feel worse about themselves.

 

But, how do you actually boost your self-esteem?

 

Here, SocialPro’s behavioral scientist Viktor Sander goes in-depth into ways to increase your self-esteem that actually work.

What if you want to work with your self-confidence, too?

Here’s SocialPro’s guide for how to increase your self-confidence

 

 

Most people are actually somewhere in the middle, but it’s the most helpful to look at the extremes.

Where are you in the matrix above? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 4:

RELAXED AND CONFIDENT IN ANY CONVERSATIONWHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS CHAPTER:

Two tricks that will make you feel more self confident in conversations in just a few minutes. How a simple misunderstanding cause most people to feel nervous and tense in vain. The mindset that has helped me the most in becoming a self-confident person.

Often, the more relaxed we feel, the better our conversations flow. Therefore it's really important to work on becoming comfortable and relaxed when talking to people you've just met.

HOW TO FEEL MORE SELF CONFIDENT IN CONVERSATIONS IN LESS THAN 2 MINUTES, ACCORDING TO NEW RESEARCH.

In an experiment, scientists asked people to position themselves in a way that took up a lot of space - a so called power pose.

When the participants had held this pose for just 2 minutes, testosterone levels in their blood had increased by 20 percent, and cortisol, a stress hormone, had decreased by 25 percent.

Similar studies showed that in a similar way, you will feel more self confident if you simply act more self confident.

 

You don’t need to strike a power pose every time you talk to someone, it’s enough to behave in a self confident way to feel more self confident. The first time I heard about these findings I didn’t believe it would work out as well as it actually does. I recommend you to actually test this to feel the difference:

 

You can’t force yourself into just “feeling confident”, but you can force yourself into acting confident.

In general, It's important to not try to be someone else in social situations. But there's one exception to this. You can play the role of a relaxed and confident person. As the studies proved, if you act in a confident way, you will feel more confident.

In a short time, this acted self confidence turns into a real self confidence.

When you act confidently, you will automatically adjust a number of things:

You will...

Slow down your breathing. Use your strong voice (If it’s a loud environment). Avoid fiddling with things or with your fingers. Release tension in your muscles. Keep more eye contact.

A good rule of thumb is to act like when you’re in a relaxed environment with a good friend.

Something that helped me a lot was knowing that when I acted self confident, people saw me as self confident, and that made me genuinely more relaxed and confident.

When acting self confident, don't try to keep every detail about what you can change to look confident in your head, just remember this rule:

Act like everyone you meet is an old friend.

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT "FACEBOOK DEPRESSION" IS AND WHAT THAT MEANS TO YOUR CONVERSATIONS

In a study, researchers discovered that scrolling the Facebook feed too much lowers our self esteem and even can make us feel depressed. This is called "Facebook Depression"

One theory is that when we do, we feel bad because we see how everyone else seem to have more fun in life than we are having. And that’s an illusion of course, because people only share the very highlights of their lives on Facebook. But it can create the illusion that others have fun together while we are on our own.

This illusion existed long before Facebook. A classic example is how it LOOKS like everyone is having a great time at parties and standing in groups laughing, when in reality most people feel quite nervous and think they are the only ones who aren’t feeling 100% self confident.

The reason for this is that we can only feel our own feelings, obviously, and it’s hard for the brain to realize how most people are actually quite insecure.

HERE ARE SOME HARD FACTS:

Every 15th person you meet qualifies for Social Phobia. Every 6th person you meet qualifies for some some kind of anxiety disorder. Every 3rd person you meet say that they feel uncomfortable in social situations three times per week or more, we can assume that’s every time they meet new people.

It’s really helpful to know this, because that helps us take people down from their pedestal and realize that - while people try to cover it up the best they can - they're often quite insecure on the inside.

And now to the trick: The next time you sit on the bus or take a walk, study people and try to visualize them with their insecurities.

Notice how something weird happens: YOU start to feel more confident. Your brain is re-calibrating and you will start to see people more for who they are.

Notice how it would be easier to start a conversation with someone you know is nervous, compared to someone who’s super self confident.

So the next time you are on your way to a social event, remember that most people are quite insecure. Combine that with meeting them like old friends, and practice conversation with the chapter on how to start talking to people you just met.

SUMMARY

Fake confidence and act relaxed by meeting people like if they're all old friends, until you feel truly relaxed and self-confident. When you enter a party - be aware people aren't as confident as they seem. Whenever you get the chance, visualize people's insecurities to re-calibrate your mind.

Congratulations, you've finished the Complete Guide on How to Make Conversation with Anyone, Wherever You Go!

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2 - Secrets

 "When you directly compliment other people, particularly anybody who suspects you might want something from them (for example: your date, your boss, or a friend), they tend to discount your efforts because they suspect you are intentionally trying to influence them through flattery. A third-party compliment eliminates this skepticism.
To construct a third-party compliment you will need to find a mutual friend or acquaintance who knows both you and your person of interest. Further, you should be relatively certain that the third-party individual you choose will be likely to pass along your compliment to the person for whom it was intended. If this transmission of information is successful, the next time you meet your person of interest, he or she will see you from a positive perspective."

 

 

"Referring back to Ben’s fledgling relationship with Vicki, he can set the stage for Vicki to compliment herself.
BEN: Then you’ve been really busy lately. (sophisticated empathic statement)
VICKI: Yeah, I worked sixty hours a week for the last three weeks getting a project done.
BEN: It takes a lot of dedication and determination to commit to a project of that magnitude. (a statement that provides Vicki the opportunity to compliment herself)
VICKI: (Thinking) I sacrificed a lot