Casual Escape, Ophelia Lacroix [non fiction books to read .TXT] 📗

I’m from a pretty normal family. I got two sisters, a normal functioning mom and dad; I’d say I have it pretty good in life. The big sucker in this situation though, is my best friend, Burke. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember; since around fourth grade I’m pretty sure. He’s always been there for me, but that’s not the issue. Well, it technically is, but the problem is me to be honest. I’m that one person in the group that doesn’t fit in, the person who is left out of things because I’m different. I’m the faggot of the group. I mean I suppose that’s an appropriate way to state that I’m attracted to guys. Yeah, that’s right. My name is Dakota Smith, and I’m gay.

I’m fifteen years old now, a freshman in high school. I guess you could call my social group athletic. Everyone in the group plays something. I play basketball with Burke, Jason plays football, and Nate plays soccer. Nonetheless, everyone plays something in our group, and let me tell you… Burke is amazing at basketball. The way that he obsesses over it and cherishes it inspires me to go for whatever I plan on aiming for in life; it inspires me to want to succeed. He’s so passionate in every little thing he does; it just amazes me how great of a person he is. Most people my age say that their role models are famous actresses and actors, or singers and songwriters, but my role model is definitely Burke. I look up to him more than my own parents; he himself is such a big inspiration to me. I don’t know if I could ever be like him, or be such a role model for someone the way he is for me. I don’t know if I’ll ever be his equal or anything close to it, I mean I don’t have anything planned for my future. I guess I could be a sports coach, or a P.E. teacher, but those jobs don’t really suit me as a person, I don’t think. I’ll find myself eventually I hope.

It’s a cold, winter day in mid-January. I get to walk to school today because my sister’s car broke, which is just fantastic. My feet are really cold from the snow and these pants are killing me. I hate wearing jeans, my leg hair is real short, so it always gets caught in the fabrics of my pants; I’d much rather wear shorts than jeans for that exact reason. Anyways, here I am walking to school in the cold, dressed only in my blue, basketball hooded sweatshirt, with these super annoying pants and tennis shoes. Lots of cars with some of my friends riding in them drove past me, they didn’t stop though. If anything, they were making faces at me through the windows; calling me a loser, giving me the finger. You know all that good stuff. I guess I’m used to that sort of rudeness though. It’s really cold outside, I wish my sister’s car didn’t break; I’d give anything to be out of this stupid snow and into a nice warm vehicle. But I suppose we don’t always get what we want. Lots of other cars passed me too, and splashed me on their way through the road. Slushed wetness hit my legs, making my pants wet and my legs a hell of a lot colder than before. Oh well, I’m sure it’ll dry in a few hours.

By the time I got to the school my feet were soaking wet from the snow, and my pants were practically frozen to my legs. I sighed and inched toward the door, really not wanting to go to school that day; or any day rather. Yeah, I had friends, but they don’t treat me the same as they treat one another. They treat me like an outsider, someone who doesn’t belong in the group. They involve me in group conversations and whatnot, but whenever I try to talk about me or how something I did made me proud of myself for once, it’s almost like they “shoo” me off and ignore my existence. The only one of my so called “friends” that actually seems to give a shit is Burke. At least he’s nice to me. Whenever one of my friends call me a name or just are plain mean to me, Burke always stands up for me. Whether it’s calling them a name back, or just turning it into a joke to distract them from getting worse toward me. It’s like he’s the king and they all bow down to his every command. Though Burke stands up for me and all, I still hate this place and the people in it. I hate how they treat me; you don’t call your friend a faggot. Even though I am one, but they don’t know that. This makes it all the more hurtful. Walking through the main entrance, I sloop my head down. I didn’t do that on purpose, it just happens when I’m in a bad mood. As I walk over to the table we all normally sit at, I hear a familiar voice.

“Hey, Dakota!” A smiling boy with short black hair and a rather big nose waved to me, with the biggest smile planted on his face; almost making his cheeks rose red.

I smile slightly, and sit across the table from him. “Hey, Burke.” I say in a saddened tone.

Burke frowned at me, and leaned over the table, poking me in the nose. “Come on now, don’t be glum.” He said in his usual happy-ish whining tone.

I blush at him poking my nose; I always do whenever he does that, which is quite often. I wind up smiling though; Burke is my best friend, and no matter what mood I’m in, being by him or having him act like he cares at least makes me feel a little better. He looked pleased with my smile and sat back where he was originally sitting. More of our friends started to pile up on the table we were sitting at. I’m not the popular one; I can’t even call them my friends. If anything, they’re all Burke’s friends. They only talk amongst themselves, and Burke. I don’t exactly seem to matter with them, and always wind up being ignored. The thing with this group though, is they don’t treat me like I don’t exist until after Burke isn’t around. It’s almost like a mother telling a child not to touch the cookie, but as soon as her back is turned he eats it and then blames the dog or their father; it’s the same concept.

“Hey Dakota, I’ll see you in second period. I’m gonna split!” Burke states as he stands up and makes his way down the hall.

I just smile a little and put my hand up, attempting to wave at him even though his back was turned to me. Nate, our tallest friend looked down at me smiling like an idiot and gave me a look of disgust.

“God Dakota, what’re you looking like that for? Got the hots for Burke?” Nate ever so slickly said in a snide remark. 

I immediately look up at him, “You fuckin’ wish...” I say, “I’m going to class too. If I get another tardy I got lunch duty.” I continue, standing up and walking down the hall; hearing all of the laughter of my posse in the background.

I’m so sick of these stupid kids in our group… Why do I even put up with this? Why don’t I just find another group? There’s this gay couple that I know of, one of the girls sits near me in geometry. Her name is Alice and she’s really nice; I bet she’d be my friend. Her girlfriend doesn’t seem too bad either, maybe a little buff and man-like, but she seems nice. I never caught her name though; nonetheless, getting to know them better would probably be good for me. Then again, I don’t want to ditch my old group, I mean Burke’s in that group; meaning these are Burke’s friends. As his friend myself, I need to learn to accept his friends. But doesn’t that mean that I have to just sit there and be shit on by them day after day? God, why is this so complicated?

“Damn it, why isn’t this working?!” Burke shouted angrily at the school’s computer. He was trying to print out his paper for English, and he isn’t the best with computers. The librarians shushed him, and he cowered down into his chair, slumping.

I walk over to him and take a seat, “You got the tech-challenged brain today?” I half chuckle. Burke’s always had some problems with technology. I, however, am rather skilled at the subject.

“No... It’s just being a... a...” He’s trying so hard to come up with a witty comeback, but knows well enough that he’s just too bad at this to defend himself. He just smiles hopelessly, scratching the back of his head, “You think you could help me out?”

I just smile back at him, taking a look at his settings. I’ll always give Burke a hand when needed. “So hopeless.”

Burke just sits there patiently, watching me work my ‘magic’ while setting the printing settings back to the default, “How the hell did you manage to change the printer location, page view, and the line spacing all in the same minute?”

Burke just reddens slightly, shrugging with a smile that says I’m a fuck up, “I didn’t do it on purpose, mom.”

After getting the paper printed out, he gives his thanks and takes off to his English class. My class is still in the computer lab though, since I have computer sciences. I spend the entire class period thinking of Burke, how handsome that smile of his is. Even though it was a hopeless smile of confusion and failure; still cute.

***

It’s finally spring time, and basketball season is over. Burke and I’s team obviously came out victorious and won another cup. You would think that would be enough to get my spirits up, but I was far from being lifted.  Burke had started dating my sister, Marie. I can’t blame her though; Burke is a flawless human being. Marie was always sweet to me as a sister, and so she deserved to be happy; even if it was with the man I’ve loved for years. It took her a long time to get over her last boyfriend, so I hope that Burke treats her well. It’s been about two months since they had gotten together, and things are going pretty smoothly. I’m honestly happy for my sister, not mad or bitter. She never knew my feelings for him; if she had I’m sure that she would be overflowing with guilt. Besides, what’s there to be mad about? Burke doesn’t have an attraction to men, and never will. It’s better off this way.

School is still the same ol’, same ol’. I get there, the group makes some jokes, Burke walks off with Marie, and I get victimized. It’s a cycle that I’m very used to; although, I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be in a world without the constant pestering and bullying.

There was always that one way to find out... a thought that would often barge its way into my head. Suicide is so selfish and overrated, so you won’t ever be seeing me kill myself anytime soon. I have a good family, and it would devastate them to have me gone. Or at least I think they would be; I don’t spend much time with them, since I’m a full-time scholar so they might not even-

“Kota? Come on man; get your head out of the