How to Write Clearly, Edwin A. Abbott [most recommended books TXT] 📗

scruple amongst them of leaving England, but also for many complying with those obligations: years afterwards, without exciting so far men were, in the infancy the slightest scruple. Indeed, (15) of their schism, from scruples against lawful oaths were refusing to take lawful oaths. unknown[27] in the infancy of the (45) He was no sooner landed English schism. But with the there, but his parts made him arrival of Vane all this was quickly taken notice of, (26) and changed. No sooner had he landed very probably his quality, being than his ability, and perhaps to the eldest son of a some extent his position, as eldest Privy-councillor, might give him son of a Privy-councillor, some advantage; insomuch (51) recommended him to notice: and at that, when the next season came the next election he was chosen for the election of their Governor. magistrates, he was chosen their governor: (30) (45) (43) in which In his new post, his restless and place he had so ill fortune (26) unquiet imagination found (his working and unquiet fancy opportunity for creating and raising and infusing a thousand diffusing a thousand conscientious scruples of conscience, which (5) scruples that had not been brought they had not brought over with over, or ever even heard of, by the them, nor heard of before) (19) colonists. His government proved a that he unsatisfied with failure: and, mutually them and they with him, dissatisfied, (45) governed and he retransported himself governor parted. Vane returned into England; (30) (43) (44) to England, but not till he had having sowed such seed of accomplished his mischievous task, dissension there, as grew up too not till he had sown the seeds of prosperously, and miserably those miserable dissensions which divided the poor colony into afterwards grew only too several factions, and divisions prosperously, till they split the and persecutions of each (15 a) wretched colony into distinct, other, (30) (43) which still hostile, and mutually persecuting continue to the great (54) factions. His handiwork still prejudice of that plantation: remains, and it is owing to (15) insomuch as some of (5) them, him that some of the colonists, upon the ground of their first on the pretext of liberty of expedition, liberty of conscience, conscience, the original cause of have withdrawn themselves from (5) their emigration, have withdrawn their jurisdiction, and obtained themselves from the old colonial other charters from the king, by jurisdiction and have obtained which, (30) (43) in other forms of fresh charters from the king. government, they have enlarged These men have established new their plantations, within new forms of government, unduly limits adjacent to (5) (15 a) enlarged their boundaries, and set the other.their plantations, up rival settlements on the within new limits adjacent to (5) borders of the original colony. (15 a) the other. FOOTNOTES:

[19] The original metaphor uses the crown as a prop, which seems a confusion. Though the metaphor is so common as scarcely to be regarded as a metaphor, it is better to avoid the appearance of confusion.

[20] We sometimes say, briefly but not perhaps idiomatically, "the then sovereign," "the then temper," &c.

[21] The personality of the tempters and organizers of the conspiracy is purposely kept in the background.

[22] The relative is retained in the first two cases, because it conveys the reason why Fiennes was educated at New College; and in the third case, because the increased "antipathy" is regarded as the natural consequence of the residence in Calvinistic Geneva.

[23] Claiming.

[24] An insinuation of sedition seems intended.

[25] This sentence is a preliminary summary of what follows.

[26] If "which" is used here according to Rule (8), the meaning is, (a) "and their differences;" if it is used for "that," the meaning will be, (b) "all religions that were of a nature to dispose &c." I believe (a) is the meaning; but I have found difference of opinion on the question.

[27] The following words appear to be emphatic, bringing out the difference between the infancy and the development of schism.

BURNET.

The principal faults in Burnet's style are (a) the use of heterogeneous sentences (see 43); (b) the want of suspense (see 30); (c) the ambiguous use of pronouns (see 5); (d) the omission of connecting adverbs and conjunctions, and an excessive use of and (see 44); and (e) an abruptness in passing from one topic to another (see 45). The correction of these faults necessarily lengthens the altered version.

ORIGINAL VERSION. PARALLEL VERSION.

  And his maintaining the honour of He also gratified the English
  the nation in all foreign feeling of self-respect by
  countries gratified the (1) maintaining the honour of the
  vanity which is very natural nation in all foreign countries.
  (50) to Englishmen; (30) (43) of So jealous was he on this point
  which he was so (15) (17 a) that, though he was not a crowned
  careful that, though he was not head, he yet secured for his
  a crowned head, yet his (40 a) ambassadors all the respect that
  ambassadors had all the respects had been paid to the ambassadors
  paid them which our (15) kings' of our kings. The king, he said,
  ambassadors ever had: he said (6 received respect simply as the
  b) the dignity of the crown nation's representative head,
  was upon the account of the and, since the nation was the
  nation, of which the king was same, the same respect should
  (50) only the representative be paid to the[28] nation's
  head; so, the nation being the ministers.
  same, he would have the same
  regards paid to (41) his
  ministers.

Another[29] instance of (5) this The following instance of jealousy pleased him much. Blake with the for the national honour pleased fleet happened (50) to be at him much. When Blake was at Malaga Malaga before he made war upon with his fleet, before his war Spain: (44) and some of his with Spain, it happened that some seamen went ashore, and met the of his sailors going ashore and Host carried about; (44) and not meeting the procession of the only paid no respect to it, but Host, not only paid no respect to laughed at those who did; (43) it, but even laughed at those who (30) (51) so one of the priests did. Incited by one of the priests put the people upon resenting this to resent the indignity, the indignity; and they fell upon people fell on the scoffers and (5) them and beat them severely. beat them severely. On their When they returned to their ship return to the ship the seamen (5) they complained of (5) complained of this ill-usage, this usage; and upon that Blake whereupon Blake sent a messenger sent a trumpet to the viceroy to to the viceroy to demand the demand the priest who was the priest who was the instigator of chief (1) instrument in that the outrage. The viceroy answered ill-usage. The viceroy answered that he could not touch him, as he he had no authority over the had no authority over the priests. (15) priests, and so could not To this Blake replied, that he did dispose of him. Blake upon that not intend to inquire to whom the sent him word that he would not authority belonged, but, if the inquire who had the (1) power to priest were not sent within three send the priest to him, but if hours, he would burn the town. The he were not sent within three townspeople being in no condition hours, he would burn their town; to resist, the priest was at once (43) and (5) they, being in no sent. On his arrival, he defended condition to resist him, sent himself, alleging the insolence of the priest to him, (43) (44) who the sailors. But the English (50) justified himself upon the Admiral replied that a complaint petulant behaviour of the seamen. should have been forwarded to him, and then he would have punished (44) Blake answered that, if (5) them severely, for none of his he had sent a complaint to (5) sailors should be allowed to him of(5) it, (5) he would affront the established religion have punished them severely, since of any place where they touched. (5) he would not suffer his "But," he added, "I take it ill men to affront the established that you should set on your religion of any place at which