The Innocents Abroad, Mark Twain [most popular novels TXT] 📗

CONTENTS


CHAPTER I. Popular Talk of the ExcursionProgramme of the TripDuly Ticketed for the ExcursionDefection of the Celebrities

CHAPTER II. Grand PreparationsAn Imposing DignitaryThe European Exodus Mr. Blucher's OpinionStateroom No. 10The Assembling of the Clans At Sea at Last

CHAPTER III. "Averaging" the PassengersFar, far at Sea.Tribulation among the PatriarchsSeeking Amusement under DifficultiesFive Captains in the Ship

CHAPTER IV. The Pilgrims Becoming DomesticatedPilgrim Life at Sea "Horse-Billiards"The "Synagogue"The Writing SchoolJack's "Journal" The "Q. C. Club"The Magic LanternState Ball on DeckMock Trials CharadesPilgrim SolemnitySlow MusicThe Executive Officer Delivers an Opinion

CHAPTER V. Summer in Mid-AtlanticAn Eccentric MoonMr. Blucher Loses Confidence The Mystery of "Ship Time"The Denizens of the Deep"Land Hoh" The First Landing on a Foreign ShoreSensation among the Natives Something about the Azores IslandsBlucher's Disastrous Dinner The Happy Result

CHAPTER VI. Solid InformationA Fossil CommunityCurious Ways and Customs Jesuit HumbuggeryFantastic PilgrimizingOrigin of the Russ Pavement Squaring Accounts with the FossilsAt Sea Again

CHAPTER VII. A Tempest at NightSpain and Africa on ExhibitionGreeting a Majestic StrangerThe Pillars of HerculesThe Rock of GibraltarTiresome Repetition"The Queen's Chair"Serenity ConqueredCuriosities of the Secret CavernsPersonnel of GibraltarSome Odd Characters A Private Frolic in AfricaBearding a Moorish Garrison (without loss of life)Vanity RebukedDisembarking in the Empire of Morocco

CHAPTER VIII. The Ancient City of Tangier, MoroccoStrange SightsA Cradle of AntiquityWe become WealthyHow they Rob the Mail in AfricaThe Danger of being Opulent in Morocco

CHAPTER IX. A Pilgrimin Deadly PerilHow they Mended the ClockMoorish Punishments for CrimeMarriage CustomsLooking Several ways for Sunday Shrewd, Practice of Mohammedan PilgrimsReverence for CatsBliss of being a Consul-General

CHAPTER X. Fourth of July at SeaMediterranean SunsetThe "Oracle" is Delivered of an OpinionCelebration CeremoniesThe Captain's SpeechFrance in SightThe Ignorant NativeIn MarseillesAnother BlunderLost in the Great CityFound AgainA Frenchy Scene

CHAPTER XI. Getting used to itNo SoapBill of Fare, Table d'hote"An American Sir"A Curious DiscoveryThe "Pilgrim" BirdStrange Companionship A Grave of the LivingA Long CaptivitySome of Dumas' HeroesDungeon of the Famous "Iron Mask."

CHAPTXR XII. A Holiday Flight through FranceSummer Garb of the LandscapeAbroad on the Great PlainsPeculiarities of French CarsFrench Politeness American Railway Officials"Twenty Mnutes to Dinner!"Why there are no AccidentsThe "Old Travellers"Still on the WingParis at LastFrench Order and QuietPlace of the BastileSeeing the Sights A Barbarous AtrocityAbsurd Billiards

CHAPTER XIII. More TroubleMonsieur BillfingerRe-Christening the FrenchmanIn the Clutches of a Paris GuideThe International ExpositionFine Military ReviewGlimpse of the Emperor Napoleon and the Sultan of Turkey

CHAPTER XIV. The Venerable Cathedral of Notre-DameJean Sanspeur's Addition Treasures and Sacred RelicsThe Legend of the CrossThe MorgueThe Outrageious 'Can-Can'Blondin AflameThe Louvre PalaceThe Great Park Showy PageantryPreservation of Noted Things

CHAPTER XV. French National BuryingGroundAmong the Great DeadThe Shrine of Disappointed LoveThe Story of Abelard and Heloise"English Spoken Here""American Drinks Compounded Here"Imperial Honors to an AmericanThe Over-estimated GrisetteDeparture from ParisA Deliberate Opinion Concerning the Comeliness of American Women

CHAPTER XVI. VersaillesParadise RegainedA Wonderful ParkParadise Lost Napoleonic Strategy

CHAPTER XVII. WarThe American Forces Victorious" Home Again"Italy in Sight The "City of Palaces"Beauty of the Genoese WomenThe "Stub-Hunters" Among the PalacesGifted GuideChurch Magnificence"Women not Admitted"How the Genoese LiveMassive ArchitectureA Scrap of Ancient HistoryGraves for 60,000

CHAPTER XVIII. Flying Through ItalyMarengoFirst Glimpse of the Famous Cathedral Description of some of its WondersA Horror Carved in StoneAn Unpleasant AdventureA Good ManA Sermon from the TombTons of Gold and SilverSome More Holy RelicsSolomon's Temple

CHAPTER XIX "Do You Wiz zo Haut can be?"La ScalaPetrarch and LauraLucrezia BorgiaIngenious FrescoesAncient Roman AmphitheatreA Clever DelusionDistressing BilliardsThe Chief Charm of European LifeAn Italian BathWanted: SoapCrippled FrenchMutilated EnglishThe Most Celebrated Painting in the WorldAmateur RapturesUninspired Critics AnecdoteA Wonderful EchoA Kiss for a Franc

CHAPTER XX Rural Italy by RailFumigated, According to LawThe Sorrowing EnglishmanNight by the Lake of ComoThe Famous LakeIts Scenery Como compared with TahoeMeeting a Shipmate

CHAPTER XXI. The Pretty Lago di LeccoA Carriage Drive in the CountryAstonishing Sociability in a CoachmanSleepy LandBloody ShrinesThe Heart and Home of PriestcraftA Thrilling Mediaeval RomanceThe Birthplace of HarlequinApproaching Venice

CHAPTER XXII. Night in VeniceThe "Gay Gondolier"The Grand Fete by Moonlight The Notable Sights of VeniceThe Mother of the Republics Desolate

CHANTER XXIII. The Famous GondolaThe Gondola in an Unromantic AspectThe Great Square of St. Mark and the Winged LionSnobs, at Home and AbroadSepulchres of the Great DeadA Tilt at the "Old Masters"A Contraband Guide The ConspiracyMoving Again

CHAPTER XXIV. Down Through Italy by RailIdling in FlorenceDante and GalileoAn Ungrateful CityDazzling GenerosityWonderful MosaicsThe Historical ArnoLost AgainFound Again, but no Fatted Calf ReadyThe Leaning Tower of PisaThe Ancient DuomoThe Old Original First Pendulum that Ever SwungAn Enchanting EchoA New Holy SepulchreA Relic of AntiquityA Fallen RepublicAt LeghornAt Home Again, and Satisfied, on Board the ShipOur Vessel an Object of Grave SuspicionGaribaldi VisitedThreats of Quarantine

CHAPTER XXV. The Works of BankruptcyRailway GrandeurHow to Fill an Empty TreasuryThe Sumptuousness of Mother ChurchEcclesiastical Splendor Magnificence and MiseryGeneral ExecrationMore Magnificence A Good Word for the PriestsCivita Vecchia the DismalOff for Rome

CHAPTER XXVI. The Modern Roman on His TravelsThe Grandeur of St. Peter'sHoly Relics Grand View from the DomeThe Holy InquisitionInteresting Old Monkish FraudsThe Ruined ColiseumThe Coliseum in the Days of its Prime Ancient Playbill of a Coliseum PerformanceA Roman Newspaper Criticism 1700 Years Old

CHAPTER XXVII. "Butchered to Make a Roman Holiday"The Man who Never Complained An Exasperating SubjectAsinine GuidesThe Roman Catacombs The Saint Whose Fervor Burst his RibsThe Miracle of the Bleeding Heart The Legend of Ara Coeli

CHAPTER XXVIII. Picturesque HorrorsThe Legend of Brother ThomasSorrow Scientifically AnalyzedA Festive Company of the DeadThe Great Vatican Museum Artist Sins of OmissionThe Rape of the SabinesPapal Protection of ArtHigh Price of "Old Masters"Improved ScriptureScale of Rank of the Holy Personages in RomeScale of Honors Accorded Them FossilizingAway for Naples

CHAPTER XXIX. NaplesIn Quarantine at LastAnnunciationAscent of Mount VesuviusA Two Cent CommunityThe Black Side of Neapolitan CharacterMonkish MiraclesAscent of Mount Vesuvius ContinuedThe Stranger and the HackmanNight View of Naples from the Mountain-side-Ascent of Mount Vesuvius Continued

CHAPTER XXX. Ascent of Mount Vesuvius ContinuedBeautiful View at DawnLess Beautiful in the Back StreetsAscent of Vesuvius ContinuedDwellings a Hundred Feet HighA