The Double Windowing, Charles Dufresny [red queen ebook txt] 📗

CHARACTERS, four men, six women:
The Countess, an imperious woman of no particular age
Mr. Bramble, her steward
Widow, Bramble's wife
Tuneless, the Countess's butler who composes music
Desmond, Mr. Bramble's nephew, a sentimentalist in love with Arabella
Arabella, the Widow's niece, a rationalist in love with Desmond
Maid, the Countess's maid
Lucy, the Widow's maid
Mr. MacPherson, a servant of the Countess
Mrs. MacPherson, his wife


The scene is set in a room in the Countess's country house. The time is the early 18th Century.


Lucy I am delighted to see you return, sir. I've been looking for you all over the place, in the gardens, everywhere.

Desmond Good day, Lucy, good day.

Lucy You've come at just the right time. The Countess, and I, and all the house have been waiting for you to return with great impatience. But, quickly--tell me news of your uncle-- Is Mr. Bramble dead or alive?

Desmond I know nothing of it.

Lucy We are in the same incertitude. Only Mrs. Bramble is certain. We've told her he's dead for sure--to make her fall into the trap we've set for her. She thinks she's a widow, and it's on that belief that we build our little project of your marriage, sir.

Desmond What's that?

Lucy I told you, that to facilitate your marriage with Arabella, the Countess, who protects you both, has pulled a thousand strings to prove to my mistress that your uncle is dead. Mrs. Bramble is so sure of being a widow that she put on mourning yesterday, sir.

Desmond What are you telling me?

Lucy I'm telling you business that concerns both of us. For the thirty gold crowns you promised me has the same appeal to me that Arabella has for you. Listen to me, then--. To help us, you must hide from our widow the love you have for Arabella, for if she suspects you love her niece--

Desmond I know all that. I've been through it just now with the Countess.

Lucy Sir, pardon my useless talk. I ought first to talk of the charms of this young beauty who--

Desmond What charms she has, Lucy, what charms! She has so many!

Lucy The most pretty little charms. Not fifteen years old, these charms, and new ones added every day. And, you will marry all of them soon.

Desmond It's the greatest misfortune that can happen to me.

Lucy A misfortune to possess something you love so much! Here's one of your bizarre refinements. You are the most reasonable gentleman in England--but you've no common sense. Speak to me reasonably: do you wish to marry her?

Desmond Do I ever wish it!

Lucy If you wish this marriage ardently, let's work in concert. I hope Arabella will be your wife today.

Desmond Alas, that's what I fear.

Lucy Again! Oh, you exaggerate. Is this crazy love or simply craziness?

Desmond No, Lucy, no--it is not caprice, it is not exaggeration. I fear with my mind that which I want with all my heart. I am well aware that I cannot live without the adorable Arabella. But, I foresee we will be unhappy together. In a word, we are unable to agree about anything.

Lucy And, what is it necessary to agree about to get married?

Desmond If you knew the reception she just gave me--

Lucy She was wrong--

Desmond She received me with an air--

Lucy Is it possible?

Desmond After eight days absence.

Lucy She received you coldly?

Desmond She received me shouting, dancing. I saw her jump about with happiness.

Lucy My word, you're not wise. What! You despair because she's delighted to see you?

Desmond Delighted to see me! I cannot compare that dissipated delight with the sensitive pleasure and passion the sight of a loved one should inspire. For example, from the moment I saw her I stood immobile, seized by a languor--my heart beat, my eyes clouded. Ahh! That's the way to express passion. But she is incapable of such a solid, passionate love--which is the only kind that can content me.

Lucy If I was a man, I'd choose for my wife a woman who was always gay, never moody or sensitive.

Desmond I want sensibility.

Lucy In a mistress--but in a wife, shame!

Desmond It's all an amusement.

Lucy It's an amusement very dangerous for the husband.

Desmond One can have feelings and be virtuous.

Lucy Virtue doesn't always make a woman faithful. I'd like a woman better who had no passions rather than one who is governed by them.

(Enter Arabella, singing.)

Arabella La, la, la, la--la, la, la, la, la.

Desmond Do you hear, Lucy, do you hear?

Lucy She has a nice voice, doesn't she?

Desmond After having seen me before her overcome by emotion--

Arabella La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

Desmond (walking away) I am outraged to hear that.

Arabella Hey! Here you both are-- You don't see what's going on here because you're wrapped up in your somber mood.

Desmond My emotion is well justified.

Arabella You are angry to see me laugh, and I am laughing to see you angry.

Desmond Is this a way to talk of love?

Arabella As for love--will yours always be so afflicted?

Desmond If I had less refinement--

Arabella You would be more reasonable.

Desmond Is there anything more reasonable than my complaints?

Arabella Oh, your exaggerations are always full of reason. But they don't make you happy.

Desmond What a conversation. Alas--how different your character is from mine.

Arabella Marriage will solve all that.

Desmond There, Lucy, I ask you to judge--

Lucy I have nothing to gain by judging. Judge yourselves. I am going to get my mistress up.

Arabella Dress her up quickly, for the Countess wants to see her right away.

Lucy Your aunt Bramble is not yet awake--and between the wake up and the coming down of a middle aged woman, there are numerous ceremonies of the toilette.

(Exit Lucy.)

Arabella We've got to get some money from my aunt. It's essential.

Desmond The essential thing is to find out if we're going to be happy together.

Arabella Nice question! With this type of humor we're going to get along fine; and I'm going to get rid of all your peculiarities.

Desmond I am not being peculiar, when, after quiet reasoning, I conclude that your frivolousness--

Arabella Oh, my frivolousness, my frivolousness; I believe that my gayety ought to prove my tenderness. Here's how I think you ought to have reasoned, knowing me, and my fear of marriage because it is sad. I naturally fear marriage. I see they want to marry me to you--and I show no emotion. Well--to be gay under these circumstances--doesn't that prove I love you?

Desmond That's not to hate me.

Arabella If you don't want me to hate you, don't anger me any more with the tone you're taking. Seems to me, I love you passably well.

Desmond Passably--there's a very touching expression. "Passably."

Arabella Oh--I wish you could count the joys I feel.

Desmond That joy would be properly expressed if you were sure our marriage will succeed--but in the situation we are in, you ought to tremble. And if you were in love, you'd be like me: ill at ease, agitated, in a cruel uncertainty, languishing, sighing, trembling.

(Enter the Countess and her Maid.)

Countess Well, Arabella, I am working to marry you--aren't you delighted?

Arabella On the contrary, Madame, I am ill at ease, agitated, and in a cruel uncertainty, languishing, sighing, and trembling. Is that how I should love, sir?

Countess Enough, Arabella, enough. Desmond, it was I who told her to tease you a bit over your emotionalism. It's not that I don't esteem you highly; the interest I take in your marriage proves that. But today, I've resolved to laugh, and to ridicule all those who happen to be around me. I have nothing but a boring day to pass in the country, and I am gong to amuse myself at the expense of anyone who happens to be around. So beware. Our widow will be the principal subject of my diversion--and the way I intend to get the money out of Mrs. Bramble is a comedy which will amuse me immensely.

Arabella If you are able to get money out of aunt Bramble, don't mock her. We must pity the afflicted.

Countess When her husband's death was announced to her, I perceived that only her facial expression showed any signs of affliction.

Desmond Maybe so, but I beg you to spare her. For if her affection was false, that of my uncle was true enough. And my uncle had the honor to be your steward.

Countess Oh, Bramble's enriched himself at my expense--and now I will laugh at the expense of his widow. After all, it's an outrage. She wants to disinherit her niece--who's my godchild--in a word, she hates what you love. Why manipulate, if it weren't for love of you?

Desmond If she's done it from love of me, it's an inexcusable folly.

Countess A less excusable folly is the speed with which she took to mourning yesterday. (to Maid) Miss, tell me how she has been able to find so much crepe in the country?

Maid I heard this morning from Lucy, that she's always kept a mourning outfit hidden in her trunk, so as always to be well prepared for the unexpected death of her husband. She says every well-ordered wife ought to do the same, so she can celebrate her misfortune from the very first moment of widowhood.

Countess And you don't want me to ridicule such an affectation? There, Desmond! Go, put on mourning, too--to prove that your uncle is dead.

Arabella I am also going to put on black, to make it all more touching.

(Exit Arabella and Desmond.)

Countess Miss, you will have to sing a little aria in the opera that Mr. Tuneless is preparing for me. It's right that my servants contribute to my amusements today.

Maid I wish your Scotsman were here. He sings well. His wife is also a good singer and dances well for a highlander.

Countess Here she is now. What does she wish to tell me?

(Enter Mrs. MacPherson.)

Mrs. MacPherson Rejoice, Madame, my husband has just returned from Tunbridge Wells.

Countess I am delighted. He will tell us if Mr. Bramble is dead or alive. He hasn't already told you, has he?

Mrs. MacPherson My husband never tells me his secrets. He's right, for I am too much of a gossip. I like it better when he tells me nothing, because he's so pompous when he tells me a secret. He has such long oaths, so long that I would as soon listen to a hundred sighs from another man. Before he will tell me one word!

Countess Why doesn't he come then?

Mrs. MacPherson Madame, to appear to you in his proper attire, he has gone to have his wig curled and powdered.

Maid He's rouging also. For he went to the Wells to lighten his skin.

Mrs. MacPherson Don't mock him before her, mam. He went to