February 20th , 2016, Athene Minerva [7 ebook reader txt] 📗

The start of an end

 

 

M… mother

D… daughter

F… friend

FW… parademic

P… Dr G

T… mysterious woman

N… nurse

C… mysterious guy

 

(M in a sad and desperate tone )

 

M: You suck as a daughter ! Why did you cut yourself again ? I thought we were over this phase !

D: I told you that it’s NOT a phase !You keep hurting me and wonder why I hurt myself.

 

(D runs in her room and hides under her blanket )

(M follows D)

(M in a sad tone)

 

M: Honey, I’m sorry.What hapened , happened. I’m sorry that I made you cut yourself again.

 

(D sobbing)

 

D: I’m sorry won’t make anything better. So stop apologizing .

M: Well, why don’t you say something?

D: I did! But you would just be annoyed and it actually doesn’t matter how many times I try to explain you that what you do DOES have a vey terrible effect on me , but you would just FORGET it !

 

(M sighs)

 

M: I’ve got my own problems too . How many times do I have to explain you this ?!

D: And then you think it’s alright to just leave me alone and let me suffer day by day , just becuase you treat me badly , which reminds me of the time I got bullied ?! I might be having a panic attack at the moment and the ONLY thung YOU see is me CRYING ! THINKING. IT. IS . JUST. A.PHASE?!

I know that you’re not a psychotherapist and I know that you can’t put yourself in others perspectives , but I have ALREADY explianed you EVERYTHING! I told you how it feels like when you and/or my brother treat me badly . Your ´jokes´ might not be rough for the both of you but they eventually ARE for ME. I’ve spent days and hours explaining you that evrytime you do or say something that affects me badly , I’m always about to start cutting myself again. These conversations would last three hours , always. YOU JUST DON’T CARE IF I MIGHT KILL MYSELF OR NOT !!!

 

(M gives D a strict look)

 

D: Stop giving me this look! It won’t help me anyway if you punish me!

M: What am I suppoesed to do ?

D: YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTEMED TO ME IN THE FIRST PALCE !

 

(M sighs and rolls her eyes )

 

D: Now you’re rolling your eyes! You really want me to kill myself , don’t you ?

 

(D gives M an angry look)

(M slams shut the door)

(D continues sobbing for hours)

(A few hours later , M enters D’s room)

 

M: You’re still crying ?! Stop it ! Do you want me to run all over the place with you , just to look for a psychotherapist ?!

D: Mom , I told you that I WANT to become less depressed but YOU just DO NOT MAKE IT POSSIBLE !

M: Damned should be the day I married your father !

 

(M slams shut the door)

 

 

THE NEXT DAY –

 

IN THE CLASSROOM –

 

F: Hi , how are you today ?

D: I’ve been better but thansks for asking

(D rolls down her long sleeves until her fingers)

(F giggles)

 

F: Why are you rolling down your sleeves ? Why are you even wearing a t-shirt with long sleeves ? It’s summer !!! Show off your body , you’re beautiful!!!

 

(F smiles at D)

 

F: C’mon .Roll them up.Or.. Or just take it off !

 

(D in a low tone)

 

D: I’m not wearing anything underneath.

F: Well then roll up your sleeves . It’s hot !! Aren’t you sweating ?

D: No .

F: C’mon. Just.Roll. Them. UP:

D: Noooo.

F: Come ON !! IT’s not THAT hard, see ?

 

(F garbs D’s wrists and rolls up the long sleeves)

(F stares shocked at the injury at D’s wrist)

 

F: W… W… What’s that ? What happened to your wrists ?

D:Nothingggg.

(F looks worried at D and sighs)

(F is paralyzed by the view of the cuts on D’s wrists)

(Silence enters the room for 30 seconds)

(D starts feeling uncomfortable)

(D sets her look on the door)

 

F: You know if there’s something wrong you can ALWAYS –

 

(F grabs D’s hands)

 

F:You can ALWAYS come and talkt o me . We can go to Starbucks or we can go tot he park. Everywhere you want to spend hours with me talking. I’ll go with you.

D:You won’t understand.

 

(F sighs louder than before)

 

F:Look. I see that you’ve cut yourself, ok ? That’s NOT ´ Nothing ´. Stop lying to me . There’s SOMETHING that upsets you so much that you’ve hurt yourself THAT badly !

 

(F grabs D’s wounded wrist up for her to see her own scars)

 

D:Stop pointing it out.

F:I’m REALLY sorry if I’m embarresing you and I’m sorry if this situation makesyou feel uncomfortable –

 

(F hugs D)

 

F:But I. AM. YOUR . BEST . FRIEND. And I’m worried about you.

 

(F hugs D again)

 

F: You did it quiet deep … You’ve tried to ill yourself …

 

(F has a lot of tears in her eyes . She is breathless)

(D rolls her eyes which are filled with tears of embarressment)

(D in a sarcastic tone)

 

D: Well, WOW ! Look at WHO made an ´EINSTEIN-CONCLUSION´ .

 

 

(F holds back tears , lets accidently one tear roll down her cheek and whipe sit off )

(D rolls her eyes again)

(F lets D’s wrist harshly down)

(F runs out oft he classroom , sobbing)

(D hides in a corner oft he classroom an couldn’t help but start sobbing too)

 

AT HOME –

 

M : Honey, what happend ? Why are you crying ? What’s wrong ?

D: There’s no point in EVEN EXPLAINING what happened. You WON´T understand it anyway .

 

(M desperately)

 

M: What am I supposed to do with you ?

 

(D ignores M and slams shut her room’s door)

(D screams out of the top of her lungs)

(D shouts to M)

 

D: I’ll take a shower. I’ll be fine .

 

(D goes to M)

 

D: I’ve just had a bad day, sorry. I’ll take a shower to relax. Don’t worry about me , I’ll be fine.

M: Sweetheart , you can talkt o me . If it’s one of your classmates who made fun of you or something , then I –

D: It was nothng. I just missed the bus amd was late for school.That’s it.

M:But why are you cr-

D: It’s depressing to miss the bus , ok ?

 

(M looks cofused at D)

 

M: I’ll talkt o you when you get out oft he shower .

 

(D whispers)

 

D: You mean IF .

 

(D goes back to her room)

 

D IN HER ROOM –

 

(D thinks loudly)

 

D: Where’s the f*cking razor ? Or should I take a STANLEY KNIFE ? No , no , no .. The razor blade will do it too . A stanley knife would catch too much atention.

 

(D puts the razor blade between her ironed clothes in which she’ll change afterwards)

 

IN THE SHOWER –

 

(D starts sobbing)

(D thinks loud by herself)

 

D: First M and now F ?!They just motivte me to kill myself.

 

(D giggles)

 

D:They don’t even know what they are doing to me.The yydon’t ven know what their stupid actions can do to me .M does’t even care about my past.She just ignores the fact that I got BULLIED.As if ignoring the problem will make it disappear.

 

(D takes off her clothes ,fills the shower cabin with hot water and gets in)

(D takes the razor)

(D cuts at the same place multiple times until blood poors out.She cut sdeeper and deeper and each time she feels the numbness overcoming her)

(D takes a seat on the ground of the shower cabin)

 

 

D:I just need ONE person who. ACTUALLY. WILL.Under..stand me. and. take. CARE of me. SOMEONE who…wat.. watches out his or her actions … To NOT … put me back …Into my ´bullying-times´ … But who would do that ?! HA !! NOBODY !!! Nobody would watch out … the way they talk … or act … JUST TO NOT HURT A BULLIED VICTIM ?! HA !! Nobody cares about me. Not even F. I thought that maybe SHE would watch out what she says … That she might have talked … in ANOTHER tone … About my wrist . Or that she would react a little bit NICER … At least … She just EMBARRESSED ME , even though nobody heard us … That’s JUST NOT a way of talking to someone who is SUICIDAL.

 

(D puts the razor blade on her throat)

 

D:It’s just one way . Just ONE TRY . If I do it CORRECTLY , then that’s good . But if I SCREW it up , then I’m SCREWED !!!

 

(D pushest he razor deeper in her skin)

 

D:It’s just … ONE WAY .

 

(M knocks on the door)

(D cuts her thoat accidetly quite deep up to her collar bones.)

(Litres of blood start flowing)

(D knocks with both of her fists against the walls´)

(Barely breathing, D tries tomake a sound but she just CANNOT !!!She touches her throat and continues sobbing by the view oft he amount of blood she is loosing . She CAN’T breath … Fighting for her last breath to shout : ´ I’m bleedig ! My throat is bleeding !!!!´ She’s even fighting to say :´ Ambulance !´ , BUT SHE CANNOT !)

 

M:Honey , why are you taking so long ? You’ve spent more than an hour in the bathroom do far . When are youu planning to be getting out ?

 

(M waits for an answer but doen’t get one and starts becoming worried)

 

M:Are you … OKAY ?

 

(M waits again for an answer but unfortunally doesn’t get one again)

(M breaks the lock AND SCREAMS . Her EYES are wide open . H er daughter . Her ONE . AND . ONLY . daughter … is sitting on . the ground of the bathing cabine. Her whole body is covered in blood , starting from her throat .Blood continues to escape the wound . Her daughter is DEAD !!! The girl doesn’t move . M screams out oft he top her lungs , sobbing)

 

M: MY DAUGHTER IS DEAD !!!!!!!!!! MY ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS DEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDD !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

(M turns around to stop seeing her daughter’s dead body)

(Suddenly M stops sobbing. She’s interrupted by a familiar noise … It’s a noise she NEVER expected to hear it again … HER DAUHTER’S VOICE)

(D whispers with her lasting energ)

 

D : Amb … nce … A … bulan …

 

(M storms out oft he bathroom , grabs her phone and dials the number oft he ambulance and describes the situation . After two or three minutes , two parademics knock on the house’s door)

 

M: Bathroom . She’s in the –

 

(M points at the bathroom’s door and the parademics enter it)

 

M: But she’s naked .

 

(The parademics look at each other and the female one dares to enter the room . She takes a nearby towel and covers the girl’s body from the chest to the knees and carries her on her arms out oft he room)

 

FW : Her cut is deep . We have to take her to hospital IMMIDIATLY !!

 

(D is being carried tot he hospital)

 

IN HOSPITAL –

(M , F and everybody D knows surrounds her bed , including the doctor)

 

Dr. : I just managed to stitch her cut . She’ll stay here for a long time and will get a full-time therapy. My friend and collegue Dr. G will keep an eye on her and she’ll also be her psychotherapist fort he next months . This doctor has done a great job with similar cases like these . I know what I’m talking about if I tell you that she’s in good hands .

 

(Dr glances at M)

 

Dr : Dr, G’s recommendation ist o isolate her for a while from everyone she knows . To keep her concentrated on herself for a while.

 

(M interrups the Dr)

 

M: But I can’t just leave her alone. I need to SEE HEEER !

 

(Dr looks furiously at M)

 

Dr: According to her –

 

(Dr looks at D)

 

Dr: You were the one , ma’am , who made her feel THAT desperate to do that .

 

(M stars crying)

 

Dr: