The Truth Hurts, shanta bernard [book club recommendations txt] 📗

again. I took me a while to get over her but like i said i bounced back but was doing me hard fuck bitches was my new model getting paper and pussy was on my mind not falling in love or even coming close to starting a relationship with anyone and i was happy with that and i had the perfect person to thank for that and it was chanel. The Healing

  CHANEL

 

Yea i did it i made a mistake and fucked up bad with glen i didn't mean it. I just happened so fast that i didn't even notice that the relationship would of spiral out of control like it did. First it was a healing for homeboy, one night it he was  grieving and i was his healing i didn't mean for it to be sexual and for us to have this mental connection and i know for a fact that he LOVED his wife i think he was just hurt more than anything and didn't have anyone to turn to. Where i went wrong was i let myself get caught up in something that i cannot get out of. So now Glen is ready to purpose he is such a great man every since i met him i felt like i would never ever love someone as much as i loved him. When i really think about it i never did love someone and even with this crazy mistake no one ever compare to what we had or ever had. So as im sitting at this tabel at dinner i can't even look him in his face because it dawn to me at the last minute that i actually fucked up. Glen did not deserve for me to be with him and he needed to know the truth even though it was a mistake i needed to get it off of my chest it killed me for months to know i was living this double life that i didn't want it just fell into my lap and i couldn't control the urges of making love to jahiem even though the feelings was not like that but the sex itself was incredible dont get me wrong glen is great but the experiences with jahiem and the way his hands and tounge move and place kisses all over my body sometimes i couldn't wait to see him so he can just take tension out of my body. While im sitting here pouring my guts out to glen he does the unexpexted and goes off the charts on me i could't blame him for being mad cause if he would of done it to me i would of felt the same way. As i sit here in shock that he talked to me like that but hardly diappointed at him i just walked out crying my heart out how could destroy someones life the way i just did its not in me usually i need help learning how to love someone cause i was taught everything has to be handed to me. My dad never said no and If he did ill throw attitudes until i got what i wanted and thats how i always worked in relationships and usually im by myself cause i dont know how to compromise with anyone.

The only thing i can thank my dad is  teaching me these things cause it caused me to be as successful as i am. I am now working hard to get what i wanted but money dont mean nothing to you when your alone and dont have anyone to share it with. As i go home hours later after i left the bar getting my thought together and drinking everything in the sun my house is clear of all of glen things and reality hits me that it over and no coming back. i sit on the couch see the empty space that once was filled with pictures of all the fun things we did that we always hung up on the wall was not ripped up into pieces on the floor.

While im sitting here my phone rings hoping and praying that it was glen that was calling me to understand and forgive me for what i did but it wasnt it was jahiem. so drunk all i wanna do is numb out of this drama maybe getting laid will help me with that as i answered the phone this deep sexual voice is asking me how im  doing. I couldn't help but to start to cry and let him know that i told glen everything how its been eating me up for months for me to tell him what was going on. While im explaining the situation to this man i hear silence i already know when you hear silience why your talking about something so serious thats not a good thing. I asked him say something i hate speaking to someone and i feel like im speaking to a wall. jahiem comes back and say chanel i think you are a great beutiful kind hearted woman and i thank you so much for being there threw the pain that i've been threw knowing that i lost my wife and have a son at home that i need to care of and make a strong man on my own he has no mom. You was always there to comfort me reguardless if it was physically or sexually you was there but I was wrong my wife haven't been dead for almost a year and im out sleeping with other woman thinking that is going to heal what i was going threw cause when your not here i need to deal with it on my own I need to learn and get over this hurt on my own I need to be there for my son i think we rushed things way to fast. I didn't mean for this to happen and for this to destroy that beautiful relationship that you had with homeboy cause i feel like it shouldn't even went that far. I hope that we can be friends you know cause your a great person at heart but this gotta stop i got mad love for you but what i want you to do is go an try to make this shit up with yah man. DAMIT....DAMIT can this night get any worst i confess on some shit i knew i was taking advantage of and now he snapped his ass back into reality. All i could do is hang up no response to what he said and he knew that because he nevered called me back. I just laid on the couch and curled into a big ball wishing my dad was here to comfort me and guide me the right way

I woke up the next day with the crazy hangover mouth very dry and wishing what had happened yesterday was just a dream. But when i looked around and seen the missing stuff i knew i wasn't dreaming in wish i could turn back the hands of time and try to change how this shit played out. Waking up late had court this morning hurried up called the office so one of my co workers can take my place or push the date back for me so i can get myself together and of course my good friend jake was more than happy to assist me with my cases today. I laid around all day didn't have anyone to talk to i was ashamed of myself my deepest dearest friend i couldn't even called i sat here had to call glen about 100 times in 4 hours and no answer. I ordered chinses food and stayed home and watch these emtional ass chick flicks on lifetime all day trying to figure out how am i going to fix this problem. One more last call i didnt text him didn't leave one message cause i needed to hear his voice to see if he could understand and wanna discuss thing with me over some drinks or something and that last call i made for the night it says his phone was disconnected. I cried i though i had everything in my life balanced but i didnt i just laid on the couch and past out.

I cant focused sitting in this office trying to get myself together for court. I pulled myself out of work for a couple of weeks gave all my cases to jake so he can take care of them for me i needed some peace in my life and didnt have not once ounce of it in me right now. Got to my car and drove and drove and dorve all around until i looked i was sitting in the parking lot of the bank that glen worked at. I didn't even know what to do should i go in or just drive away he probably is going to act a fool in there but he has never did anything like that until the other night. you know what imma take my chances what else can i loose right now i already lost him and im damn near loosing my mind with it. As i wiped my face trying not look like i was crying all day eyes all red and got out of my car. i look around in the bank to see if he was there and he is with another customer didnt realize that i was there or even walked in. as i stood online waiting for the lady to walk off the other teller is asking me if they can assist me and im nodding no thanks. While im standing there waitng im thinking i should just walk out the lady eventually leaves the desk and he sees me i can see the hate he has in his eyes. I go walk over to him and look him in his face and say hello sir may i ask what your name is you look like you a sweet kind hearted loving man that was hurt by someone that made a huge mistake and need someone to take the hurt off of you and love you the same am i correct?. He looks at me and say you think your just going to walk in here and make it seem like nothing happened the other day and i supposed to be ok with it. If you really wanted to know how i felt you should of came by my house cause i cant even go into details of how i feel at this point of time with you and that serious this is my job and you know i have nothing to support myself with cause remember i gave up a lot for your ass. So what i need you to do is walk right out of the same damn door you came in and please dont come back to discuss anything with me unless your taking money out of your bank account or depositing money into the account and im dead fucking serious with you. I was shocked i looked at him tears started to build up my heart is feeling heavy. Glen you dont understand im sooo sorry even if