The Truth Hurts, shanta bernard [book club recommendations txt] 📗

your not with me at least can we get past threw this i made a huge mistake all i want us to do is be friends can we a least be that?. I am not sure yet imma let you know and if i want us to be friends i know where you live you forgot that we just currently lived together.....i know your number you dont need to come threw my job to make a scene. I just looked at him i am not going to sit here and beg you know what kills me is that a man can make mistakes and fuck up and just apologize and there is woman out there that would just forgive them for whateva they do but im not going to beg i know i messed up but i need to deal with it and if he come around than fine if not this is going to be ONE thing im going to live with and regret all my life. I walked out of that bank with my head up high and just kept it moving.

2 months later as i getting up with my homeboy to get drinks after work im enjoying myself were just discussing life talking about the big case he won today how proud he was and i was also he worked on this case for months even when i was down n out after the breakup with me and glen and he handled my load for like a week until i was able to get myself together and come to my damn senses. I am not going to front about it i miss him so much but im kinda mad at myself that i broke down like that but love make do some crazy shit but i've been good getting my work done more focused thinking about moving cause this house have way too many memories for me and i dont wanna deal with anymore. I put so much stuff out of the house that made me depressed i let alot go but I've been meeting up with a realtor so i can see if i can find a condo to my liking. As i sit at this bar listening to this music sound good jake asks if i wanna dance see i dont really know if he like me i hope not cause i look at him like a good friend nothing more nothing less but lately after he knew about the break up with glen we've been hanging homies chilling at the movies eating dinner just hanging out and i thank him for it cause without his company i probably wouldnt have made it. So we get to the dance floor listening to this music coming out the speaker maxwell woman worth me and jake was dancing and just talking. I am really enjoying myself which i havent really done in a while we dance nice and slow threw the whole song that is one of my favorite song and jake looks at me and tells me i dont know my worth..... Now im confused he is like your such a good woman and beauitful you make mistakes which everyone does chanel but you gotta learn from them your too smart for you settling for anything and just doing whateva come to your head see i never wanted to say anything to you about what's going on with you cause your grown. But i love you like a sister and i want you to do better you deserve it to the fullest your a successful black woman that made it out and have a great head on her shoulders i wish the best for you baby girl and i mean that from the bottom of my heart. When he said that my heart fell to the floor and everything just rushed to me how things in my life love wise was just not there and i realized that i havent even try pick myself up and move on after what happen to glen i just looked and started to cry at jake. You know sometimes you make mistakes and try to learn form them when your put back in this situation that your were in before or a new one that you still should know right from wrong and youlll still doing the wrong thing. I know GOD has my back cause i make my mistakes but if it is the person i supposed to be with then we will rise up out of that mistake and move on and put it past us. Now thats what i call love not saying what i do is excusable but i need someone there so when i do make that mistake we can work threw it together....tell how to be a better woman for them and myself not saying that i have issues with myself but im not perfect no one is but if i keep on getting someone that is ready to run out on me instead of TRYING dammit that all i ask for to TRY casue if a man would do somethig that would hurt me and you know from mike that i would stay there and try my best to work thing out until there is no more trying left. I need a back bone i think god didnt send me that back bone yet and im going to wait and keep making my mistakes and hopefully learn from them so i can be strong for my husband when he comes my way. Some mistake i wish i could take back like glen but you know what if i cant have him i will always wish him the best. I'm happy that your in my life jake cause you've been my supports for as long as i needed you i look  at you and your wife and get jealous at time not because your a great man because you guys been through so much and keep that strong bond that i wish i had jake you've been such a great friend to me and i cant ask for anything else from you. Jake gives me a kiss on my forhead and let me know that any time i need him he is there. As we danced and enjoyes ourselves time was going by so fast.

As i look up i see Glen coming threw the door with one his closest friends...My heart dropped feel like i just gain 100 pounds extra i cant believe this is happening. were sitting so close to the door i knew he was going to see us sitting there i told myself even if he sees you dont get emotional chanel its been a while your fine.as he walk to the bar right by me and jake we meet eyes. I turned around so quick and looked down jake was confused. Chane whats wrong with you you look like you seen a ghost. i gave him a fake smile you see that man right there thats glen....i havent seen him since the incident that happened in the bank and he seen me sitting here we locked eyes. jake looks at me if you feel that you wanna speak to him than go over there. But i couldn't do it i looked at jake and let him know if it was met to be that faith would bring us together like i said lets just act like i didnt see him come and and thats exaxtky what i did me and jake still enjoyed our night until his wife came to get him because he was way too drunk to drive and all that time i can see glen just eyeing me but what is a girl to do when i tired months ago and you didnt want to talk.

The Forgiveness

Glen

 

So me and my mans thought to go out to a bar and just chill for a minute. No females no hustling just us being niggas at the end of the day sometime i need a peace of mind of my own even though me and chanel haven't been speaking for a few months i still was thinking about her everyday sometimes i could be good and sometimes i thought of all the hate that i had for the woman. I wish that the whole situation would of played out better than what it did but you know what you can think and hope for the best dont mean its going to happen. So me and dave is at the door and i peep chanel sitting there giggling and chatting shit up with some clown ass looking nigga. Iam not gonna lie it kinda make me feel some type of way so yea while i walked by i made sure we met eyes so she knew i see her. She aready found another nigga she probably already had him before we even started knowing each other. I try not to even look her way even though she looked beauitful as usual i wonder if she even seen me come in cause she acted like she didnt. For some reason as im sitting here all the feeling came rushing to me like they was new even though i know she messed up when i look at it it was more good that happened that i didnt even stop to think about before i deciding to make the decision to leave her alone. I didnt want her to know i was looking at her cause she was sitting chilling with the next nigga but i know she still got that same number and hopefully stay that the same crib i decided to make it my business to go and see her tomorrow just to check and see if she is good or not. I am not sure if it going to open a new door but i do know i wanna check on her to see where her mind is at.

The next day

I woke up with so much on my mind just think about chanel and how i saw her that brought back so much memories for me. As im sitting her thinking my phone been ringing off the hook since last night cause i did a MIA on people. I'm looking at my phone like damn how many time this bitch gonna call me she been calling me since last night non stop i had to have 50 missed call from this chick i answer the phone sounding groggy like i just woke up hello, why haven't you been answering yah fucking phone for i been calling you since last night you was supposed to come over and you never answered. I thought something was wrong its not like you to be missing for a whole night glen where the fuck was you at fucking some other bitch huh.... I stopped katrina dead in her tracks first off were not together i dont know how many times i can say that to you you not my bitch were just fucking buddies i told you that before we started you act like you understood what i said now all of a sudden you catching feeling calling me non stop like im your nigga that you keeping tabs on. really