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Chapter 1

"Nathaniel! I will not have you disturbing my class yet again! Move over here," the teacher boomed, pointing her finger at the empty seat at the front of the class room.

"I don't want to sit at the front of the class with her!" Nate whined, rocking back on his creaking chair. The frustrated teacher closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I wasn't asking for your approval Nathaniel. Please move or I'll send you to the principal's office," she threatened. Begrudgingly Nate stood up and made his way to the empty seat, the seat that just so happened to be next to my own. Yes, the main reason why Nate didn't want to move seats was not because he'd have to sit at the front of the room and away from his best friend and partner-in-crime Lucas, he was seemingly used to doing so as a consequence of his poor behaviour in class. The main reason he didn't want to sit at the front of the room was because that meant sitting next to me, which would probably be seen as punishment by most of my classmates.

 I don't think I'll ever understand why teachers think that moving a bad student next to a good one will magically straighten them out. It's not as if I would willingly speak to them anyway, I prefer to keep to myself, especially when it comes to trouble makers. Things have been hard enough on me lately, the last thing I need is to be stuck next to my grade's most notorious trouble maker for the rest of class.

 Nate threw himself onto the seat beside me, he rested his hands on the back of his head and leaned backwards. He'd look like a tourist sunbaking on the beach in the peak of summer if it weren't for his bored expression. I decided to pay him no attention, scribbling down some class notes in my notebook even though I most likely wouldn't need or even use them. The situation wasn't so bad to deal with until he decided to take out his pen and started tapping it on the table. He's going to drive me insane, I thought to myself as I tried my hardest to ignore it, but it became too much for me to handle.

"Can you not? I can't concentrate when you're tapping with that damn pen," I muttered to him, trying to keep my voice low so that the teacher wouldn't call me out for talking over her.

"Tch, nerd," Nate rolled his eyes.

"Jerk."

"Teacher's pet," he retorted with a faint smirk. We probably could've exchanged insults for the rest of the class if we tried, but I decided to cut it off before things got too nasty. A cracking sound came from the pencil I was writing with as the lead snapped. Ignore him Holly, he's not worth it. You know that.

 "I've had enough of this class!" our teacher exclaimed, instantly grabbing everybody's attention. "It isn't long until your senior year! You are supposed to be setting an example for the younger kids. I want all of you to write three paragraphs about respect, you won't be allowed to leave until you hand it in to me."

 The classroom was suddenly silent, with only the sound of pencils and pens against paper. The silence was disrupted by a loud knock on the classroom door. Our teacher calmly walked across the room and answered the door, only opening it enough to be able to see who was outside. Out of curiosity, I looked away from my work to see who it was, but I couldn't see a thing.

"I'll be back in a moment. If I come back to find anybody misbehaving I'll have them writing lines in their break times tomorrow," our teacher threatened. I couldn't help but smile faintly, that was a threat I hadn't heard in a long time. It must've been pretty effective though, the class remained silent even when she nowhere to be seen.

 Nate leaned closer to me, obviously trying to get a good look at what I was writing.

"That's too long! Write it for me and we'll call it even," he groaned.

"What have I ever done to you?" I asked, legitimately curious.

"You haven't done anything," he admitted. "You're just naturally annoying."

I decided to ignore him once again. This wasn't the first time I'd been stuck sitting next to him, I knew that he'd only worsen my mood if I let him. He had a habit of acting this way when nobody was paying attention to him, and I wasn't about to fall into his trap, especially since the eyes of the rest of our classmates would be on us. Nate got a kick out of making me look like a fool in front of everybody else.

 Somebody's phone vibrated. Unsurprisingly, Nate pulled out his phone to confirm that it was his. I glanced his way, momentarily distracted, and caught a glance of the message he had just received.

 

If you really want to get to her, mention you-know-who. Taylor xo.

 

I froze up, wishing I could erased what I'd just seen from my memory. I understand that Taylor hates me, but its barely been six months, how can she joke about it like that? Taylor was sat amongst the rest of the 'cool kids' at the back of the classroom. I had once been friends with her, I had once considered most of the 'cool kids' friends, but I'd recently discovered that it was very much one-sided. I could generally handle whatever her and her minion friends threw at me, but this was on a whole other level. This was something I never would've thought she'd say.

I noticed Nate typing a reply, I couldn't help but watch it unfold. I was paralysed.

 

I know I may be an asshole, but don't you think that's a little much? Nobody would want to be reminded that their boyfriend is dead.

 

There was nothing wrong with Nate's response, it was actually surprisingly reasonable and decent, but my eyes stung with tears. I could feel my face growing hot, my pulse was racing. I was trying my hardest to not let the tears fall from my eyes. I knew it wouldn't be long before somebody noticed. I clumsily dropped my pen from my shaking hands and buried my face in them. Stop… stop. Calm down. You can't do this again. Not here… not now. They'll all judge you.

 "Really? You're crying again?" Nate raised an eyebrow. "You were reading my messages over my shoulder weren't you? How rude."

"You're such a hypocrite!" I snapped. "How many times have you read my quiz answers over my shoulder?"

"I only do that if I don't know what to do! It's not my fault that the teachers can't teach!"

"That's because you're dumb Nate, not because the teachers are bad! You never know what to do! You never listen in class!" At this point the words were just spilling from my mouth. It became apparent that I'd certainly hit a nerve, Nate's brows practically knitted together and his eyes were wide.

"Not everybody has to be a perfect student like you Holly! To be honest, I don't want to be! You wonder why you have no friends now that Oliver is gone? It's because without him, you're just a stuck up bitch! You look down your nose at people like me who struggle to get good grades!" Nate stood from his seat, shouting down at me.

"When have I ever done that?" I asked, feeling quite helpless and confused.

"Just shut the hell up Holly!" Taylor yelled from the back of the room, her friends encouraging her involvement. "Have your mental breakdown elsewhere! Everybody's sick of the sight of you crying, just get over it already!"

"I've been trying to move on, but how can I? Every day I am reminded that my best friend was killed!" I sobbed, Taylor rolled her eyes at me, looking away. Her friends just glared at me.

"You're not the only victim! I was close with Oliver once too! Quit acting so fucking down about it all the time, you look pathetic. Everybody else is moving on, and yet here you are still playing the victim," Nate pointed out, earning a few claps from a few people in the room. I kept my eyes on the ground, feeling beaten down. He's right.

 "That's enough!" the teacher burst through the classroom door, obviously having heard the yelling. "Holly, Nathaniel, both of you go outside right now!"

"Hell no!" Nate protested. "If you think I'm going to apologise to her you are mistaken!"

"Out! Now!" the teacher commanded, raising her voice even further. "Nathaniel, I'll deal with you first. Holly, go for a walk and calm down."

 Nate stormed out of the classroom, slamming the door shut behind him. I timidly stood from my seat and made my way out of the classroom. I headed for a block of classrooms nearby that were soon to be demolished so I knew that I'd at least be alone there. I sat myself against the grubby brick wall, something I might not have considered if I were thinking straight. For the first time in a while I allowed myself to just sit there and cry. Once I had managed to calm myself down a little, I pulled out my phone to look at my lockscreen picture. It was a photo of Ollie and I, the last photo we ever took together. I couldn't clearly remember what day it was taken or why we took a photo together in the first place, so it must've been a normal day. We were both smiling and still dressed in our school uniforms, Ollie had one arm around me and formed a peace sign with his opposite hand. Looking at the photo hurt, but not as much as it had a few months ago.

 Ollie… why are things so difficult without you around? Everybody's changed… when I was with you I had so many friends. They've made it pretty clear that they have no interest in talking to me anymore. I wish I had somebody with me who understands. You always understood, sometimes even without words.

 "Holly? Could I have a moment please?" The teacher asked, drawing me out of my thoughts. I quickly stuffed my phone back into my pocket and stood up, brushing myself off. She didn't look angry as she had back in the classroom, she looked more sympathetic, but I knew that didn't mean I wasn't still in trouble.

"Look, I understand that you must still be going through a rough time, and that's fine. It's completely understandable, everybody was affected by what happened. However, no matter how much you are provoked, you can't take your grief out on others. Even though Nate acts stupid, that doesn't mean he really is. Your words really hurt him, so I'd like you to apologise to him before you both return to class," she instructed me. I started to feel guilty about what I'd said to Nate. I had obviously misjudged how much my words would affect him.

"I understand, I'll apologise," I bowed my head. I kept my eyes on the ground. I couldn't look at her, I felt too embarrassed about my behaviour. I never got in trouble, and now that I had, I never wanted to get in trouble ever again.

 I followed the teacher back to the classroom. As she walked back inside, I noticed Nate standing outside the door waiting for me. I felt another wave of embarrassment.

"Nate… I'm sorry about what I said about you, I realise that I was wrong--"

"Don't waste your breath, it's not as if you really care anyway," he snapped, his eyes still burning with the same anger as before. "I'm done with you," he added, walking back into the classroom. There was no point in being persistent,

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