The Opposite of Normal, Andrew Boggan [brene brown rising strong .TXT] 📗

of my depth. Little did I know this would be a question that I would continue to ask myself for the next couple of years.

So why was my experience so different to everyone else’s? I’ll probably never know but what I was sure of was that some of my friends were able to just pack up and move to another city at a moments notice and spend very little time establishing a home and a life in a different city. I sort of felt that my friends who did in fact did this, didn’t really have to work hard at getting themselves a new life in another place, it was just something that came naturally to them and yet for some reason for me, I had to work at it and my efforts didn’t pay off. As I always told myself in these sort of situations, what I perceived may not always hold true.

In everybody’s life there always seems to be a mixture of both good and bad times, yet mine always appeared to be full of bad times that caused great mental anxiety


Chapter 9


Despite what most people think, personal relationships are very important to people with Asperger’s Syndrome. In that they are probably more crucial to people with Asperger’s Syndrome because it helps them flourish with a set of new social skills rarely taught anywhere else.

By the time I turned 24 I had already had a number of relationships, all being somewhat long-term. I was with Bruce for 12 months and with Scott for 6 months. Now they don’t really seem like long term but at 24, this was certainly the case.

When I came to live back in Brisbane after my series of unfortunate events from living in Sydney, I spent a huge amount of my time living in bedroom and not venturing back out into the real world. Although I made time for my friends and family, I didn’t have any intention on making time for any new friends. When I first came back home I spent many sleepless nights tossing and turning in bed around midnight reliving the horrible memories of Sydney in my head, so as a distraction I decided to get onto the online chat room and just see who I could talk too around the world. My only intention at this point was to simply pass the time until I knew that I could always fall off to sleep.

I spent an entire 2 weeks chatting with a wonderful person who seemed to really care about what had just happened down in Sydney and he could clearly understand the turning point in my life where it was time to close one door and begin to open another. Over that 2 week period we chatted about so many different topics, one in particular – how hard it was to meet other gay people in Brisbane. I’ve always made sure that I had a picture of myself on my profile for others to view and I always expected the same in return. So when somebody sent me a private message without a face picture, I would instantly ignore them, but without thinking about, I never noticed that the person I was chatting too didn’t have a face picture, I had gotten so caught up in our interesting topics of conversation that a picture of what he looked like simply became irrelevant. I guess because Scott was more interested in chatting about topics such as politics, travel, money and life in general, he showed to me he was more of a decent human being by not making some quick attempt to get me into bed. As with 99.9% of my experiences with online chat, that was usually the case.

Scott had asked me several times if I would like to meet up with coffee. And being the usual hesitant person that I am, I eventually gave in but under certain conditions. One of those conditions was that he would come over for coffee but meet me at my friend’s house where she would look out for me incase he attempted to do something drastic. On the night of the meet I paced the hallways of her house, playing with my hands and trying to wipe the sweat from across my head. It had been along time since I met up with anybody off the internet and nerves eventually got the better of me. As I paced the hallway, the wooden floorboards would creak with my every move, I had made to the bathroom door when all of a sudden; a knock at the front door suddenly had me frozen at my feet. Scott had arrived at the front door and was waiting for me to greet him. Eileen had asked him to come inside to get comfortable while she turned the kettle on and made an attempt to come down to the hallway to grab me. Now when I think about this particular night, Scott must have been shaking in his boots, or seriously questioning why he was in some total stranger’s house where a gay man has come to meet another man and a woman answers the door.

I eventually worked up the courage to walk into the living room and say hello. I suddenly saw a tall man with a shaved head and goatee standing in the front door. He’s sparkling green eyes lit the room as he smiled from ear to ear and politely said “pleased to meet you Brendan”. My body had gone to jelly while I absorbed this beautiful man’s looks. We did manage to sit down and chat eventually, after Eileen had been bothered to finish off making the coffee.

The hours had quickly gone by on this blessed night, perhaps the full moon had some part to play in this new found friendship that was soon to unfold. When it came time for us to part ways I was about to head off home when Scott had softly said “I can drop you off home if you like, seen as you only live around the corner”. At that moment I thought that was a wonderful thing to do, and this guy certainly didn’t come across as if he was the axe murderer type either. So, I gracefully accepted.

Over a period of several weeks, and as I began to emerge from the compounds of my bedroom into the real world, I had spent more and more time with Scott, getting to know the real person and allowing him to understand the real me. I never had planned on a friendship going further, but there soon came a point when we both knew that we would end up more than just friends. I hadn’t told Scott at this point about the Asperger’s, it really didn’t seem relevant. If he had observed any sort of peculiar behavior, he certainly didn’t question it and just accepted me for who I was. This was probably what I was most thankful for at this point in my life.

On the afternoon before Good Friday of 2003, Scott had asked if I wanted to join his work colleagues for a drink. He only worked a few blocks over from me in the city and we were both going out for dinner that night so I hesitantly agreed to meet up for drinks before dinner. I found it more daunting knowing there were other strangers there who were wanting to socialize with me. As nervous as I was, I pushed ahead past the anxiety for Scott’s sake. When I eventually arrived there were 5 other people at the table sitting with Scott, they had even reserved a chair for me and were waiting for my company. As I approached the table, I could see Scott and the others sitting around drinking and I had to stop in the doorway of the bar, I wasn’t able to move for a few brief minutes. Like any other situation where it comes time to use my “so-called” social skills, I always froze, this was usually when I would mentally prepare myself to be alert for the social queues.

Scott had seen me standing in the doorway of the bar and he must have thought I was looking out for the group. Excitedly he raced over to me and invited me to join him and the group. Once again, his smile and eyes got to me and I wanted to socialize, for his sake at least. He gently placed his hand on my back and escorted me over to the table. As I walked over with him to the table, everyone had gotten up to introduce themselves. They all appeared a very happy and friendly bunch so I was pretty sure that socially I would be okay. Besides, I had Scott there with me so I knew that things would be fine. I didn’t know it at the time, but that afternoon would have a significant impact on my memory as I grew older and learnt more about relationships. To this day, I miss that afternoon because out of all the people I have dated, nobody has treated me in such a kinder and more comforting way.

Everybody in the group appeared to be so friendly and I got along quite well with them. Prior to my arrival, they had already learnt a lot about me. It turned out that Scott had told them all about me before I arrived and they must have taken an instant shining to what had been described of me. Its funny how when you think so poorly about yourself, that there is always somebody out there to turn your own perception into a positive beacon of hope. If time was on our side, we would have stayed there all night chatting and joking, but we had to leave as Scott was meeting my parents for the first time that night and we didn’t want to be late.

As time progressed, Scott and I had eventually formed a relationship. At the time I first met him I wasn’t hoping to meet anybody special and I certainly thought I wouldn’t meet anybody full stop, but I guess this just proves that you always meet other people when you least expect it.

My last serious relationship prior to Scott was with Bruce a year before. Mum and Dad had gotten along with Bruce with but they were never totally keen on him. They pretty much accepted him for my sake, but with Scott things were totally different. I can recall numerous times when I would be at home reading a book at night and Scott would knock on the door; he hadn’t come over to see me, he actually came over to play computer games with my father, I found this rather entertaining actually. On one rainy Friday afternoon when Dad had picked me up from the train station after work to drive me home and I walked in the front door, Scott was sitting in the living room having a chat with Mum. He was there on a surprise to take me and my parents out for dinner. Compared with Bruce, Scott had made a real effort to get to know my parents. I guess this was because I always reinforced the fact that who ever was important in my life had to be able to accept and get along with my family. Scott had obviously accepted this rule to the fullest extent.

It had been several months since moving back from Sydney and I was just getting back on my feet with finding a decent stable full time job and now it was time to move into own place. I had never lived alone before but it was something