You're Not the Only One With Secrets - "YNTOOWS", Lucia Roberts [top 10 inspirational books .TXT] 📗

a deep, male whisper far off inside my head that begged “Please forgive me” as I looked from the paper directly into liquid silver eyes.

I stared into those eyes just trying to figure out how I could have missed something like this. How could this have happened? Why did this have to happen to me? Vishnu was always my one constant, my help, my comfort, my... family: the one who didn't leave me. Water blurred my vision and threatened to spill down my face as I remembered coming home to find that note on the floor by the door; the empty house. I remember picking up Vishnu, who was the size of a good 8 week old human puppy at this time, and running through the rain to Elder Malachai's home, not knowing where else to go; just thinking how glad I was that Vishnu didn't leave with them. I knew then he would never leave me, never betray me, and never do a thing to hurt me.

But, he was only a Spirit Animal to me; then. Now, well, I don't know what he is. I suppose that is what I was searching for in his eyes. Something that would tell me what he really was inside this, this, this form he wore. We've been through so much together. Should I be embarrassed of anything? Why would he have kept this from me all of this time? If he needed help or something why hadn't he just told me sooner? I hate not knowing things and what's even worse is I was with him nearly every second of every day and I missed this!

I did my best to control my tears; so much so that I became rather angry. I felt the rage boil in my stomach as I looked back down to the paper I was hunched over. I must have been staring at it hard because as soon as I got up to force my eyes off of it, I felt my brow un-furrow itself a great deal. I let my fists loosen and tighten on and off until the rage boiled down mostly because I wasn't sure whether to be angrier with myself or 'Vishnu'.

Another wave rushed over me and I was overwhelmed with sadness. If he really is some special Lord or whatever, I'll lose him; possibly forever. What if he was just using me all this time? The anger stirred. But, then, he wouldn't have stood by me all this time, watched me, slept by me and maybe even... loved me. The sadness dropped a sphere on my cheek. I looked at 'Vishnu', exasperated. I huffed out a breath and another tear fell. I went over to the sheepskin carpet that lay in front of the fireplace and sat in dead center; practicing setting the logs ablaze. Each time I let it get a little brighter and a little bit warmer. I was afraid to let loose these emotions on this 'Lord Sairyn Arrowrept' because I no longer knew much about him. I wasn't afraid of him exactly. I was just, on guard, per-say.

As I was thinking about him, he got up and approached me; slowly. He bowed his head, backed up a step and set the paper in front of me. My first instinct was to throw it in the air, light it, and bat it into the fire. Unfortunately, Elder Malachai had asked for it at daylight. I looked up at him from my meditative position on the carpet that we had slept on for many nights previous; before any of this nonsense. I don't know what look I gave him, but his eyes went stony for a moment. “Introductions? Really?” He sat back on his haunches and nodded again; eyes closed as if bowing. “I can't exactly say it's a pleasure.” He shook his head and let loose a decently loud growl as he turned to walk away.

At that moment, I lost it. I sprung from my spot, wings flared out behind me, and I put both my hands around his snout to shut his mouth like I did when he was a puppy to train him not to growl except in defense. He froze for a second and then slowly softened his eyes from the narrow, dangerous look they wore a few seconds prior. I was looking straight into his eyes and I had an arsenal of things I could have, should have, would have said but I couldn't figure out which one had importance over the others. We stood here like this for a moment. I could feel myself shaking, but he didn't move from my grasp even though he was in a defensive pouncing stance and could have easily tackled me; probably even killed me if he’d wished to. At the moment, even though my life had been in his hands multitudes of times over the past half a century or so, I almost wasn’t sure if he wouldn’t; kill me I mean. I felt like I hardly knew him at all though basically my entire existence involved him.

My voice was a whisper; quivering with emotions I didn't have a place for as I finally spoke to the beast that stood (barely) in my grasp. “I don't know who you are right now, or understand why you came to me and pretended to be something you're not,” I could tell he wanted to shake me off but I continued as I would have even if he’d turned and run off “nor do I know why you would have stayed all this time unless you needed my help. You know me well enough to figure how I feel right now, that you should have told me this earlier, and of all things, that I expected more from the one person I trusted in this dimension.” I let that sink in. His face softened; but yet hardened at the same time.

He understood my feelings of betrayal. I knew he would though. How could he not? He had been bracing for it since I came back. “I will help you if you can swear to me on whatever name you truly own, and whatever person or thing that you are, that you will explain this to me with every detail possible when this, whatever this is, is over.” The colours around me were blurring my vision so I wasn't sure if the red was actually Vishnu's fur or my anger.

I was still looking hard into his eyes and holding his snout shut. He slowly started bending as if to lay down at my feet so I released his mouth but kept my eyes on his. He 'bowed' low and then stood full height on all fours in front of me, nodded once, and put his nose right in front of mine staring right back. When I didn't flinch away, he ran his nose the length of my cheek and strode, head high, upstairs.

I stood in that same spot for who knows how long. I mean, what on the good earth was I supposed to think about all of this? Today was so awful. I feel… I feel, well, I don't even know. I would love to know. He seemed just as upset as me for a little bit, but then, just as angry at me as I was at him, and finally, something. That part I couldn't figure out. Brave maybe? Perhaps he felt relieved and knew finally what the outcome of telling me this would be now that it had happened. I think it was a mix of all of that really. But that wasn't that important right now. He wasn't even a spirit animal. He could be, well, anything. And whatever 'he' was, hell, I'm not sure that even matters.

He has seen me at my best and worst, awake and asleep, scared and brave, he's seen me... ugh.. in less than decent outfits and now invisible. I want to be alright with this considering the fact that I cannot bring myself to think that he's bad or with wrong intent, but I'm suddenly embarrassed and shy. I don't know if he's Human or Fae or, or, something else. But, oh no no no no no! Oh my Goddess! He had tried to tell me, and, and I ignored him. I fell to my knees with my face in my hands. If I could have slapped myself just now I probably would have. The mirror!

He had tried to tell me that we were the same... of course! But, ugh! That doesn't make sense ither! Fae don't have the same class systems as the humans. He gave a title with his name. So, he's, a hybrid; a MIxer. I thought that was forsaken... I started crying. My head hurt, and I'm tired, and, and... I started sobbing harder as the last thought seeped into my head: I have just lost my last everything.

I just ignored the bells and the sound of Vishnu's song that he tried to quiet from the stairs.

Chapter 12 : Calm Yourself

I must have cried myself to sleep because I suddenly woke up shivering. I didn't move as I wasn't completely competent or awake, but I guess I had called for Vishnu in my sleep because he was a few feet away and he wouldn't have come down otherwise. I was slowly waking. He lifted his head from his paws to look at me as I propped myself onto my left forearm. “You don't have to stay down here, Vish- Lord Arrowrept.” He whined as I said his real name over the one I've called him since I got him and took a dash for the door. Still being half asleep I fumbled up and tripped over the blanket as I got up to chase after him.

By the time I got outside, he was out of sight. I looked frantically for any clue that may tell me which way he had gone. I saw nothing, no footprints, no moving shrubs or trees. I gave up and just ran. I ran into the woods directly next to our house to the left, as that has to be where he went. It was the closest place to be out of sight. “Come back! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it that way!” I yelled. He had to be able to hear me still. “Come on!” I shouted again as I overlooked a fallen log and had to swing up into a tree. Thankfully I was the Fall Faerie, so I am in tune with the forest to a much better extent than the others. I looked, hoping to somehow see him in the darkness. I couldn't; so I kept running. I darted this way and that; yelling all the while. I started slowing down too soon though. I couldn't keep this up. I listened as I took a few deep breaths. I couldn't hear him either. Ither he had stopped moving or he was too far away. I couldn't see him if I flew above, and I can't see or hear him down here. I had no other way to find him. So I decided to try one last thing. “Please,” I called into the forest; letting