You're Not the Only One With Secrets - "YNTOOWS", Lucia Roberts [top 10 inspirational books .TXT] 📗

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I do not think you will find what you search for. I have to get back to my things, Amaranth; heed my request. Please, do not look for your Vishnu.”

And with that, he shut the door again. Why is he not worried? Was he not just telling me yesterday that this Lord thing was a vital part of some dragon hunting journey we had to proceed upon? Why did he look so tired and nervous and scared? What on Earth was going on? Fine. If he won't give me a good reason to not search my Vishnu, I'll go. What could happen anyway? I'm a Fall Faerie.

When I got home I packed a backpack full of every necessary thing. A pouch for spell and charm ingredients. Clothes, an extra pair of moccasins, some dry food in case there is none at the time in the forest, my book of charms, a hide water pouch and a small blanket. I headed out and didn't look back. I headed straight for the forest I was sure he ran into and started searching. Very soon it was dusk. My feet hurt from all of the walking and I badly needed to deal with all of the cuts on my legs and arms from the brush and stones that jutted up from all around the forest floor.

I found an abandoned hunting fort in a tree a half hour north-west from where I decided I should stop. I started climbing to put my pack up there before starting a fire below in between a few of the bigger rocks figuring that I could see well enough to get up and down without repercussions. I let myself look down once and for a second I swear I saw Vishnu. I turned abruptly to get a better look but my foot slipped and I fell all the way down.

 Fine. If she was going to call me by my real name, she should know who, and what, that name belongs to. It is probably one of the hardest things I've had to do, to not turn around and crumble to her pleas, but if she wants to know me, she'll have to know that I won't be able to be this for her anymore. I won't be the same. She could hate me or not trust me anymore; or both. In fact, I’m pretty sure she’d already come that far. But, this was not my choice. I had a life; a plan. She was not part of it. I was not supposed to be her… her, lapdog. This thought infuriated me but I had to keep it calm because She could see the change in colour of my fur; it was still dark and knowing Her, She was following. With any luck She went to the woods to look for me. Now, thinking about it, I'm sure She did. I could feel it. I slowed down to a trot.

She doesn't know what She's gotten into, but I didn't give Her a choice. It wasn't Her fault either. I have to remember that. She doesn't need me. I only needed Her. Anyway, She deserves to know to whom She's entrusted… to whom She's given… everything. That realization put a stammer in my heartbeat. I know that I've protected Her for as long as we've been together, but somehow, She deserves better of me. She shouldn't have to think that She was just a ploy or a tool to get me to the form and things that I needed. I'm going to fix this… somehow. I wish there was a way to fix this. If only I could… wait! Maybe I can. She wasn’t the only Fall alive.

I turned back South toward Elder Malachai's home and growled lowly until he came to the door. His expression was not shocked or worried until he noticed that she was not with me. “Where is Amaranth?” he asked. I nodded toward the house and he says “of course, of course. Come in Vishnu.” He stood a moment before me, just, twisting his hands uncertainly. I looked at him and then brushed my paw over the floor; hoping he'd understand that I would speak if I could write. “Oh!” the old Faerie exclaimed. He went about searching for writing utensils and muttering to himself quietly before he satisfied himself with a pencil and an open book of parchment which he set before me. Swiftly he sat down as I lay to get closer to the paper.

Elder, I am Lord Sairyn Ambrose Arrowrept. I'm sure you know who I am. I need to know if you can change me back. For our world, and, because I know we both believe that Amaranth deserves the truth.

He turned the paper towards himself and read it after I dropped the pencil next to the leather bound book. A look crossed his face, but not sheer surprise as I had expected. I can only assume that he pieced this together a short time in the past; maybe even today. Ither way, that is of no importance. He looked at me, studying my face intently.

“I may be able to. But, I want to be sure you understand the grave amount of pain you will be in, and the length of time that this may take.”

I could take care of one thing that I have to this way. I could protect Amaranth in this form, but what I was born to do, supposed to do, I cannot in this body. I must change. So as Elder turned the book towards me I pawed it to myself and wrote This is necessary. If you will do me the honor of trying, I will withstand anything you must do.

With this, Elder rose from the floor and went to his books. I sat straight up on my haunches and tried to calm myself; prepare. I let my eyes close as I tried insanely not to see the worst road that could lie before me. Breathe, Vish-...Sairyn; breathe.

I helped Elder Malachai lay a down comforter on the floor by the fire. I was to lay on this for safety and in case I needed binding; this is what he had told me. I knew this was going to take a toll on everything I knew and everything I had learned as this Fae creature. I did not know for certain that this would work because I had been in this form for so long.

I was instructed to lay in the center after having eaten and drank as much as I could; for strength. Elder Malachai changed into a meditative ensemble which gave me the insight as to how hard this was going to be for him. He sat cross-legged in front of the fire; his back to it. I lay directly in front of him, my stomach centered with him. He had a book in his lap that he was studying. He took a deep breath. “Are you ready Vishnu?” I was about to nod and lay back to my side when I heard something. Elder must have heard it too as his head cocked to the side slightly. I heard it clearly this time, though.

“Please, please Vishnu; come back.”

Elder Malachai looked to me. I looked him in the eyes and nodded before lying back onto my side. Elder drew in a deep breath and a whimper escaped my throat right as the chanting began and the pain burst to life inside of me.

It was uncontainable. I could not understand, or even think about understanding, the words that flowed from Elder Malachai's lips into the room and then circled around the circle he’d cast around me to pierce through me like knives that would then shred this form to pieces. I writhed in this pain, but the blanket had been blessed into a captive circle so that no matter what happened, I would not exit the space until the ritual was over. I tried with more might than I had for anything else, ever, to contain the sound of pain that was begging to escape me. It grew and grew until I couldn't bear it; I had no control. Howl after howl produced itself from me. I tried to fight. I could not. All I could hear was my own sound. I listened for anything, anything to hold onto, to know I was not dead and all I could make out besides myself was the echo of her asking “Please.” I held to this sound as a lifeline; but as all things do, it too started fading and I am sure I must be dying.

Suddenly it grows dark as well, and I must have died, but I still feel pain. The blanket must be- arh! The pain started building to twice what it was before. I had no idea this was possible. My screaming howls muffled and echoed back to me now. I don't know how long I was in this dark, Gods forsaken place; but when I am released from the dark I am blinded and the pain seems to tear and rip pieces off of me instead of just stabbing. I must be getting eaten by Daemons or something else un-worldly. They're eating my skin and gnawing at my insides. The light grows dimmer and I have a falling sensation along with feeling light-headedness. I can think... a little stronger than before.

Death seems so sweet. And it's black. I try to move, thinking maybe I will see Neveer herself standing in a light background, waiting; forgiving. There is the light; there. I try to move but I feel tied down. I try to fight it; to get to the light.

Blinding light then overtakes me and I can sense that my eyes are open. It slowly dims around me, taking minutes after endless minutes, and pieces of vision start to change from ounces of colored shapes to actual items. I am alive. I survived.

I look at Elder as he pulls me to a sitting position. I must move to complete the change he says. I whispered “Thank you” and then a pain shot through my body and Elder grabs my shoulders asking what's wrong. “Amaranth; I can feel her.” Something has happened to her. I instantly clench my...my fists! It worked! “We must go.” He nods and helps me stand on two feet for