Don’t Believe Them, Leah Parker [mobile ebook reader txt] 📗

take a while getting there. The care home is in Listowel in County Kerry. About two hours from Cork. I was writing the letter for about an hour. An hour of tears and honesty.

 

Mum, it’s Jesse. I’m okay, I hope you are too. I’m really sorry for being such a bad son. I will try be better; I promise. I really miss you. I’m in Listowel. I’m so far away from you. I want to be back with you. I do. Honest. Mum, please do your best to get me back. They took my phone and my picture to go into a catalog type thing where people can view your picture and see if they like what you look like in case they want to take you home. There’s this boy who has to be locked in his room as he’s a self harmer. Mum, I beg of you. Take me home.

I love you so much. Love Jesse.

 

Lacy came into my room, noticing my letter. She took it, read it and ripped it up into little pieces. It broke my shredded heart. I want my mum so badly and I just can’t have her. True fact that yes, she hit me. But I pushed her. I made her do it. I feel really bad for doing this to her. I know it’s not my fault, but I feel so guilty. I should never had gotten into a fist fight with Tucker. I’m a disgrace.

A few hours later, it was snack time. I didn’t leave my room. The self harmer, Andy Peterson, came into my room. He looked like he was as high as a kite. He had dark circles round his eyes, his face was red and he was wearing a bloody t-shirt. I gulped.

“You will do this soon enough.” He hissed. My heart was beating so fast, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. This just made me feel even more homesick. Apparently the first night is the worst, then you are okay after that. It was scary.

 

4/7

Last night was so frightening, I fell asleep at about half eleven with a picture of me and Mum in my arms. I couldn’t help but think about Andy. What if he hurt me in the night with one of his blades. Urgh. I don’t want to think about that.

Early this morning, I needed to pee but I was too petrified to get out of my rock bed and go into the bathroom. Could someone have put a killing machine in there? What if I started peeing and a snake came up and bit off my todger. It was scarier than The Purge or Insidious. Honestly it was. My mind was not helping. I think I have an overactive imagination; but I can still worry, right?

When I finally got to sleep, I had a nightmare where I was in this home- obviously- and Mum killed herself. I woke up with a little puddle of tears on my pillow. It was so upsetting. In my nightmare, she put a gun to her head, that Tucker gave her, and shot herself. One bullet and she was dead. Nobody even cared. Tucker threw a party and I wasn’t allowed to go to her funeral because she was supposedly such a bad mother.

It was breakfast time, so I went down three flights of stairs to get to the kitchen- baring in mind I didn’t know my way around- and made some breakfast. I didn’t want to eat but I had to learn as I was going to be there for a while. The cereal was stale and the milk was full fat. It was disgusting, more disgusting than licking a toilet seat. I didn’t know why, but a toilet seat sounded more appealing than this bowl of stale, sour death trap. Andy decided to sit in front of me at the table. He stared right at me the whole time we were eating, he didn’t even blink. He was the Devil in a boys skin. It was horrifying. I glanced at him, wondering how he slept at night; perhaps he didn’t.

After breakfast, I went back to my room and saw my phone on my not yet made bed. I picked it up and jumped onto my bed going through it. Unknowingly, I messaged Mickey, telling him I was in a care home. He felt so sorry for me and wanted to meet up. I told him I couldn’t meet up as we weren’t allowed to leave the house without our social worker. It was difficult to know that I wasn’t allowed to see my best friend, my brother. Mickey used to help me through everything, when I was stressed he used to play me my ‘stress’ mixtape he made for me, and it was so soothing. So therapeutic.

Lacy returned to my room to see me smiling at a picture on my phone of Mickey and I.

“Hi.” She said with her right hand on the doorframe. “Just wanted to let you know, someone likes you and will be down next Tuesday to see you.” Lacy walked out leaving my head spinning. I can’t believe it, I’m getting a new home? I was fine in my old home.

At midday, Andy just stood in the hallway looking into my room at me. Then, Lacy forcefully escorted him into his own room. I could even hear the locks. Yes, you read that right- locks. He had five locks on his door because, supposedly, he kept breaking out of there and hurting himself in front of all the little children. Now, I’m happy he has to be locked in there otherwise I would be scarred for life.

Later in the day I was glaring out of my book sized window, listening to the rain. Just then, I remembered I had packed my music sheets. I was singing for about ten minutes before I got yelled at, it was humiliating. My social worker told me that singing is forbidden as it makes too much noise and distracted all the ‘good’ children. Good? Since when was anyone here ‘good’? After what I’ve seen, all the kids are either psychopaths/ sociopaths or stupid mean ones. I think I’m the only decent one there, and I was already starting to feel like the men do in prison, when they get out and either kill themselves or kill someone else just to go back in. But if I do get a new home, I will be on my best behaviour unless they’re snobs and are rude to me.

 

18/7

 

So you remember how some people were coming to look at me? They did. I liked them, they were kind and thoughtful, they felt sorry for me but part of me felt like I knew them. Somehow I had seen them somewhere, I felt like I had spoken to them. I decided I liked them enough to go home with them, back to Galway.

Okay, so, I felt like I knew them right? There is one reason, and one reason only. It was MICKEY and his parents! They wanted me to live with them! They were awesome about it, too, and it was nice to know that someone else loved me and wanted to care for me.

I’m looking forward to going to my new home. It’s going to be different as, well, I’m living with my best mate. If this is an honest diary- which it is- I really want to be friends with Ricky and Eilis because even though they put me through a lot, I bet they have a reason for that and I’m willing to forgive them and be nice to them if they are nice to me. It sounds weird don’t it? Yeah, well, I’m not fighting anymore. No more feuding, that’s what got me here. If I ever have kids, I will support them no matter what and I will allow them to know their grandma. They will NOT know my past or they could use that against me. And I won’t tolerate that! Wait . . . When did I have kids?

The kids here are so annoying. One five year old came into my room and screamed,

“You’re a big fat poo poo head!” And stuck their tongue out at me. No wonder, her parents brought her here. I’m sorry, that was just plain rude; I shouldn’t have said that. To get her out of my room, I had to give her a stern stare and spin my finger gesturing her to get the hell out. I think she got scared, but as long as she stays out, I’m happy. Andy is still creepy though, he just stands there, dead and watches you. It does t even matter if you’re getting changed. The bathroom doesn’t have a lock on the door, so when I had a shower last night, I heard a noise. I peered behind the shower curtain, and there he was, watching me shower. Does he have a thing for me or something? Is he looking out for me? Haha, no, he’s looking at me. I was watching tv in the living room and I found mine and mums favourite show. The money one we were watching a few weeks ago. It was funny and sad at the same time. I remembered what Mum told me when dad left and I had nightmares. “I’ll be there in your dreams.” It’s stupid, but it’s sweet simultaneously. I stopped sleeping in my mums bed with her after that. We used to always meet next to the racing track. I’m not sure if it was my imagination picturing my mum there or if it was her because she somehow remembered every detail. I’m not even sure parent-child telepathy is real. Wow, I’ve just been speaking gibberish.

The boy next door- Andy- was banging on my wall yelling profanities and speaking to who I think is the Devil. I think he’s in a cult of sorts because I heard him say “soon, father, soon.” That proper freaked me out. I also think he’s the spawn of Satan. Or a narcissistic satanist.

Sitting on my bed, listening to music, I messaged Mickey.

Hey mate! When am I coming to yours? I need to know so I can pack and get out of this hell hole.

In my opinion, I could live here if I was here for a while longer- which I hope not- but the little demons here are so freaky and I can’t keep sleeping with one eye open, just in case…you know….I get murdered.

Without a doubt, Mickey answered.

Dad said we can pick you up tomorrow if you like. And in the morning we can fill out the papers and bring you back to Galway.

You don’t know how happy I was to hear that. I replied with a simple ‘yes’ and a really happy smiley face emoji. Finally, I’m leaving tomorrow midday. My eyes just filled with tears as I was so delighted. The people, and not just the mini adults, are so naïve and, trust me, children’s homes are just so overrated and overwhelming. No child should haven’t go through his. Even if they are the Devil’s son *cough* Andy *cough*. Saying that, he’s standing at my door. Again. Hold on, I thought he was locked in his room. I took a deep breath and said

“How did you get out” my voice was shaky as I was scared of what he might be able to do.

“Dad helped me, he unlocked the door.” Okay, now I’m sure he’s Satan’s son and he’s part of a cult. I walked into the hall and examined his door. All five locks had been broken. That’s it. I’m leaving! Oh wait, I’m leaving tomorrow. YES!! I bet you €5 I don’t sleep tonight. At least- when I get out of here- I will be in a safe place to sleep and live the rest of my life. But hopefully Mum takes me back by then.

So,