Don’t Believe Them, Leah Parker [mobile ebook reader txt] 📗

it’s time for bed. I don’t think I will sleep even though I have already packed my bags early. Tomorrow is the day I get to see my best mate and live with him.

 

19/7

 

So today is the day I get out of this dump. I’m so excited, and I’m hoping they’ll allow me to video call me mammy. I didn’t even have breakfast this morning, I’ve been listening to so much music and I wondered why I was getting tinnitus. It hurt quite badly and I had to wash my ears with water to clear it, I’m not too sure if that sorts it but it worked.

So Mickey’s parents have just arrived and I feel like jumping up and down! I had never felt more ecstatic than right now. Lacy brought Mickey up to my room to keep me company while his mum and dad signed the forms so I can live with them. Mickey looked around my room a few times trying to understand why I needed to be fostered. I’m not too bothered about being with me mam anymore because I can video call her everyday if I wanted to; Mickey’s parents are just that kind and thoughtful.

It was time for me to disappear, I was fading into the background and it never felt better. The care home was now just a bad dream and it’s time for me to wake to live my life.

I got into the car, bracing myself for a long, long car ride back to Galway and about an hour into the drive I saw a sign which said:

Now leaving Listowel. Thank you for your stay.

I cant believe it, my dream is coming true! I’m finally going to be loved and- wait, am I forgetting all about my birth mother? I can’t be, yes okay, I’m happy to be getting out of the hell hole called a Children’s Home but I can’t forget about the woman who raised me, the person who kept me alive for 15 awesome years. I can’t just forget her like she’s a pet rock, I need to remember her for who she is and what she’s done.

Okay, she hit me, but I deserved it. I beat up Tucker, she didn’t want me to do that. I pushed her over the edge, but after every fight we have, it just brings us closer together. I will miss her, everyday but I think it’s time for me to move on and get on with my own life and let her live hers. I do want to go back home, but home isn’t a place- Home is the person you spend your life with. The person you love. I will never have a true home, but I will have people who care about me.

If any of you readers are thinking about suicide, don’t. Please. It’s not worth it, I know. You will only hurt the people around you- people who love you and want you to be okay. Love yourself for who you are and, if you decide to live, it will be the best years of your life. You may be bullied, but hurting yourself will only make it worse. You will be depressed, yes, but those bullies are the people who make you strong. The people who teach you resilience. Remember- I love everyone no matter what they are or who they are.

In the car, I was singing along to most of the music and dancing as I knew all of it. It was so fun and Mickey looked like he enjoyed it.

When we got to the house, I stood dead outside it looking up and down. I had been there many times before but this time I’m living there. It’s going to be like a sleepover everyday- if we share a room. I walked inside and Mickey’s Mum, Mary, took my bags upstairs and I followed her up. I had the small room- obviously- but I was very grateful that I had somewhere nice to live.

Dinner was lush tonight. We had pizza takeout and Mickey and I shared one and so did his parents. We watched a film while eating and my ribs started hurting because I laughed so much. I don’t think I’d ever laughed like that in years. As a snack, I ate a whole bag of tortilla chips and I do not regret it. They were better than I had expected, I dipped them in guacamole and it was to die for.

 

20/7

 

This morning, I woke up petrified. I didn’t know why until I examined the room and realised I wasn’t in the children’s home. Last night before bed, I took a shower and it was so tranquil. I didn’t have Andy watching me and the door had a lock which worked!

Tomorrow, I go back to my old school and I told Ricky and Eilis very clearly that I wanted to be friends, or just civil. It didn’t bother me which. I never understood why the picked on me in the first place. I was extremely poor and all I had for lunch each day was an apple and a bottle of water. I hated everyday, but now, I don’t need to. I’m going to have the teachers looking out for me, the students, my friends and most importantly, myself. I’m not going to allow people to bully me and if they say something mean to me, I will keep my head high and get on with what I need to do.

I’ve always said that I hated school and I never wanted to go back, but now I’ve been transferring schools, I just want to be at one and only one and be there until college. It isn’t too much to ask, it’s what I need.

At lunch, I got a strange message from Tucker. It made me shiver.

Hi, I’m coming back for you. Meet me in the canteen tomorrow .

What the hell? Is he seriously in my school? Great! First he tries killing me, and now he’s going to succeed. Hopefully, Ricky and Eilis and Mickey stick up for me and help me overcome my demons. I’m not going to lie, I do have some skeletons in the closet, but I’m not ready to share them just yet.

When it hits tomorrow, I think I’m going to play hookey so I don’t have to see his bucked teeth. I’m lying, he has perfect teeth. I’m actually quite jealous of him for that. Oh my God! I’m complementing Tucker. What has he done, got Andy to possess me? I don’t know anymore.

School’s going to be such a drag tomorrow and if I see his flawless complexion, I will make it red. And yes, I mean blood. Lately, I’ve been learning Spanish and I despise it with my life. If I ever had to speak Spanish, I think I’d rather suck a homeless mans big toe. Because I only moved away for about three weeks or so, I get to keep my form room and my timetable. I feel so privileged.

Earlier today, Mickey and I went to the local corner shop to get his parents some essentials. It was funny because he had a Bluetooth speaker and we blasted some really loud, rock music. He did it from his phone because on my phone I don’t have any music anymore as I didn’t have enough space to text my mum. Yes I said text my mother. Mickey’s parents are allowing me to stay in contact with me ma. That’s why they’re awesome!

When Mickey and I were tots, we used to play this game where one of us would say a category and we would have three seconds to say an object in that category but we weren’t allowed to copy each other or repeat ourselves. I’m not sure what it’s called but it was so much fun. We were looking at pictures of when we were younger and yeah….it was so embarrassing but nice to know how close we have always been. From day one we were inseparable and couldn’t live without each other.

It’s fun living with my best friend, but I do want some me time. All he wants to do is catch up- which is nice- but I don’t have any time to myself. Even at night, he’d spend half and hour with me and stayed until I fell asleep. He was creeping me out.

Sometimes I wish I had a second life, like I can be in two places at once, so I can live with Mam, and live with Mickey. Wishful thinking though. I always thought what it would be like living a double life, but knowing me, it would be boring as heck. But, I would be able to live in Dublin and live in Galway and do double the homework-oh wait, best not do that then.

So, I’ve been trying to call me ma, but she doesn’t pick up. Does she not love me anymore? That’s all that has been going through my brain for the last few hours. If she doesn’t love me anymore, I think I’ll just stay out of the way and let her be happy without me. I get the gist. It’s funny, I haven’t turned off my caller ID or got the wrong number because it actually rings and she must see it’s me and clicks the dismiss button. She’s my mum and she hates me. It’s not right, all I did was get into a fist fight and she disowns me for good. All I can do right now is cry. It’s good that it’s time for bed then. Night.

 

21/7

 

So, today I go back to my old school and face the coward Tucker Smythe. It’s going to be easy, as he was so weak last time but this time, I’m going to finish him for good. He’d never want to cross me ever again- if he survives. Nah, I’m kidding, of course he’ll live, but he wouldn’t want to show his face around Ireland ever again without all the drunks beating him up. Apparently, my dad is one of those drunks but I don’t believe that for a second as Tucker told me. I can’t trust him as far as I can throw him- and that’s not far. Actually, I can’t pick him up at all because he is too heavy. No offence. Well, I couldn’t care less if I offended him- he deserves to be humiliated, like he humiliated me.

Today at school, I had only just walked through the gates and I saw him in the corner with his foot on it with crossed arms. He looked like a thug, but he was no where near. He was a phoney and he knew it. That’s why he wants to fight me with his friend, because he’s too much of a coward to fight me by himself. I hate people like that, they think they’re so much better than everyone else, and treat you like rubbish, but when you decide you’ve had enough and treat them like rubbish, they want to fight you. But fighting is not like it used to be. Back when I was a wee boy, fighting was between two people and two people only and you only used your fists. Now, both fighters have at least one friend and they use anything around them like shovels and plastic or glass. How the times have changed.

Period one and two, the timetable changed, I had PE. I was so happy to play Gaelic Football. It was so much fun because I was a midfielder and that was my favourite position in the world. On my team, team of 15, I had Ricky and Tucker. They were backs. The game itself is confusing at first but when you play it a few times, you will understand the game and, for me, the game is my life even though I’m not fully Irish. Well, both parents are Irish but I was born in England but