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[Pg 189]

CANDID CANDID

Sportsman. "Boy, you've been at this whiskey!"

Boy (who has brought the luncheon-basket). "Na! The cooark wadna come oot!"

[Pg 190]

UNCO CANNY "UNCO CANNY"

Noble Sportsman. "Missed, eh?"

Cautious Keeper. "Weel, a' wadna gang quite sae faur as to say that; but a' doot ye hay'na exactly hit."

THE SONG OF THE SCOTCH TOURIST

Those Scotch hotels! Those Scotch hotels

Are fit for princes and for swells;

But their high charges don't agree

With humbler travellers like me.

Twelve shillings daily for my board

Is more than I can well afford,

For this includes nor ale nor wine,

Whereof I drink some when I dine.

Bad sherry's charged at eight-and-six,

A price that in my gizzard sticks:

And if I want a pint of port,

A crown is what I'm pilfer'd for 't.

For service, too, I have to pay,

Two shillings, as a rule, per day:

Yet always, when I leave the door,

The boots and waiter beg for more.

So, till a fortune I can spend,

Abroad my autumn steps I'll bend;

Far cheaper there, experience tells,

Is living than at Scotch hotels!

[Pg 191]

DIFFERENT MATTER A VERY DIFFERENT MATTER

Southern Lord (staying at Highland castle). "Thank you so much. I—ah—weally enjoy your music. I think of having a piper at my own place."

Sandy the piper. "An' fat kin' o' a piper would your lordship be needin'?"

Southern Lord. "Oh, certainly a good piper like yourself, Sandy."

Sandy (sniffing). "Och! Inteet!—Ye might easily fin' a lord like your lordship, but it's nae sae easy to fin' a piper like me whatever!"

[Pg 192]

Mr P in Highland Dress THE END BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. LD., PRINTERS, LONDON AND TONBRIDGE. End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mr. Punch in the Highlands, by Various
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