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*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MR. PUNCH'S BOOK OF SPORT *** Produced by Neville Allen, Chris Curnow and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive)
Mr. Punch with book title

TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE.
Some pages of this work have been moved from the original sequence to enable the contents to continue without interruption. The page numbering remains unaltered.

[Pg 1]

MR. PUNCH'S BOOK OF SPORTS

PUNCH LIBRARY OF HUMOUR

Edited by J. A. Hammerton

Designed to provide in a series of volumes, each complete in itself, the cream of our national humour, contributed by the masters of comic draughtsmanship and the leading wits of the age to "Punch," from its beginning in 1841 to the present day.

Mr Punch playing cricket.

[Pg 2]

Boy searching pram. for ball.

Boy (reassuringly). "It's all right, miss, I'm only looking for our cricket-ball!"

[Pg 3]

MR. PUNCH'S BOOK OF SPORTS

THE HUMOURS OF CRICKET, FOOTBALL,
TENNIS, POLO, CROQUET, HOCKEY,
RACING, &c.

Mr. Punch playing rugby football.

AS PICTURED BY

LINLEY SAMBOURNE, PHIL MAY,
L. RAVEN-HILL, F. H. TOWNSEND,
E. T. REED, GEORGE DU MAURIER,
CHARLES KEENE, FRANK REYNOLDS,
LEWIS BAUMER, GUNNING KING,
G. D. ARMOUR, ARTHUR HOPKINS,
EVERARD HOPKINS, J. A. SHEPHERD,
AND OTHERS.

WITH 225 ILLUSTRATIONS

PUBLISHED BY ARRANGEMENT WITH THE PROPRIETORS OF "PUNCH"

THE EDUCATIONAL BOOK CO. LTD.

[Pg 4]

The Punch Library of Humour

Twenty-five volumes, crown 8vo, 192 pages fully illustrated

LIFE IN LONDON
COUNTRY LIFE
IN THE HIGHLANDS
SCOTTISH HUMOUR
IRISH HUMOUR
COCKNEY HUMOUR
IN SOCIETY
AFTER DINNER STORIES
IN BOHEMIA
AT THE PLAY
MR. PUNCH AT HOME
ON THE CONTINONG
RAILWAY BOOK
AT THE SEASIDE
MR. PUNCH AFLOAT
IN THE HUNTING FIELD
MR. PUNCH ON TOUR
WITH ROD AND GUN
MR. PUNCH AWHEEL
BOOK OF SPORTS
GOLF STORIES
IN WIG AND GOWN
ON THE WARPATH
BOOK OF LOVE
WITH THE CHILDREN

Polo player.

[Pg 5]

Preface, Mr. P. with sportsmen.

Mr. Punch is nothing if not typical of his fellow countrymen in his interest in sport. If there be any truth in the assertion that Englishmen are neglecting the more serious affairs of life in their devotion to all forms of athletic sports, Mr. Punch would seem to be determined that there shall be no lack of humour in the process; for an immense proportion of his merry pages have been occupied with the humour of sport.

Indeed, there is no kind of open-air pastime which has escaped the kindly attention of our national humorist, and the fact that he never tires of poking good-natured fun at these hobbies of his countrymen, making merry over their misadventures, indicates in some degree that, whatever our social critics may think of the national taste for outdoor games, these must have a humanising influence and make for manliness, when their devotees can thus with good grace look upon themselves in Mr. Punch's mirror, and join in the laughter at their own expense.

But it must not be assumed that Mr. Punch's attitude is one of satirical criticism; on the contrary, his sympathies are with[Pg 6] every form of sportsmanship, and it is chiefly because his jovial knights of the pencil delight to illustrate the mishaps incidental to all games that we are entitled to look upon him as a great patron of our sports. And is not he always ready to pillory the cad and the incompetent as further proof of the soundness of his heart?

Certain volumes of this library are devoted entirely to one or other of our popular pastimes, determined mainly on their varying richness in humour, but in this "Book of Sports" we have brought together a carefully chosen selection of Mr. Punch's wittiest sayings on a variety of games and pastimes. Cricket might of itself have furnished forth a volume, Football, and Racing also; but we have sought after variety rather than repletion, and to this end even the passing craze for Ping-pong has not been ignored, as it is not the least of the merits of the Punch Library of Humour that within these volumes is enshrined a comic chronicle of the passing time.

Mr. P. playing cricket.

[Pg 7]

MR. PUNCH'S BOOK OF SPORTS

cricketer.

"The British "Sphere of Influence."—The cricket ball.

Cricketers who ought to be Good Hands at Playing a Tie.—"The Eleven of Notts."

Nomenclature.—The professional cricketer who makes a "duck's egg" ought surely to be dubbed a "quack."

A Model Cricket Match.—One that begins with a "draw," but does not end with one.

Epitaph on a Cricketer.—"Over!"

A Cricketing Paradox.—Any eleven can make a score.

[Pg 8]

LORD'S!
Two crowned boys in robes.

There's a glorious sanctum of cricket,

Away in the Wood of St. John;

No spot in creation can lick it

For the game at which Grace is the "don."

Though Melbourne may claim a "Medina,"

The "Mecca" of cricket must be

In the beautiful classic arena,

The home of the "old" M. C. C.

Home, sweet home of the M. C. C.,

Ever my fancy is turning to thee!

Up with King Willow and down with the dumps

Hark to the rattle of leather and stumps.

Oh, what a rapturous thrill it affords!

Give yourself up to the magic of "Lord's."

Scoring for Dr. Grace.—"A running commentary."

All Work and no Play.—The umpire's part.

The Irrepressible Joker Again (on bail.)—

Q. Where ought ducks' eggs to be most readily found? A. At the Oval.

[Bail estreated.

[Pg 9]

Hairdressing salon.

Hairdresser (about to part customer's hair). "Centre, sir?"

Flannelled fool (rather an absent-minded beggar). "Oh—er—middle an' 'eg!"

[Pg 10]

ALL THE YEAR ROUND;

Or, Keeping Up the Ball.

Man with cricket ball on end of nose.

A straight tip and a new sensation.

When September soaks the fields,

And the leaves begin to fall,

Cricket unto football yields,—

That is all!

Yes—in hot or humid weather,

At all seasons of the year,

Life is little without leather

In a sphere.

In the scrimmage, at the stumps,

'Neath the goal, behind the sticks,

Life's a ball, which Summer thumps,

Winter kicks.

Our "terrestrial ball" is round,

(Is it an idea chimerical?)

Man, by hidden instincts bound,

Loves the spherical.

In rotund, elastic bounders,

Plainly the great joy of men is,

Witness cricket, billiards, rounders,

And lawn-tennis.

Classic Title for Dr. Grace.—"The Centurion."

[Pg 11]

Man and woman talking at cricket match.

He. "You're fond of cricket, then?"

She. "Oh, I'm passionately devoted to it!"

He. "What part of a match do you enjoy the most?"

She. "Oh, this part—the promenade!"

[Pg 12]

MR. PUNCH KEEPS HIS EYE ON CRICKET

Cartoon part one. Then (1841)
Cartoon part two. And Now (1891).

Toast for Tavern Landlords.—The Cricketer, who always runs up a score by his innings.

Appropriate Cricket Ground.—Battersy-Park.

[Pg 13]

Things to which Cricketing Members of the Anti-Gambling League are Addicted.—"Pitch" and "Toss."

Dr. W. G. Grace's Favourite Dish.—"Batter pudding."

[Pg 14]

Batsman bowled out.

At the Eton and Harrow Match.—Simperton. What, you in light blue, Miss Gloriosa! I thought you were Harrovian to the core!

Miss Gloriosa. So I am, but I'm also Cambridge, and as I can't possibly afford two new dresses in one week, I decided to choose the most becoming colour!

[And Simperton of the dark blue was quite satisfied with the explanation.

"FOLLOW ON!"

(A Cricketer's "Catch" Air—"Come Follow!")

First Voice. Come follow, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow on!

Second Voice. Why then should I follow, follow, follow, why then must I follow, follow on?

Third Voice. When you're eighty runs or more behind our score you follow on!

[Pg 15]

Boy speaking to mother.

"Train up your Parents the Way they Should Go."

—"You know papa has been asked to play in the 'Fathers against the Boys' match?" "Yes, mother. But I hope the boys will win this year. If the fathers win again they'll be so beastly cocky!"

[Pg 16]

Man buying newspaper.

"'Collapse of Essex.' Dear, dear! I wonder if my property at Ilford is safe?"

[Buys paper to see.

Cricketer's Favourite Fish.—Slips.

The Coup de Grace.—Leg hit for six.

Riddle made "On the Ground."—Why are cricket matches like the backs of cheap chairs? Because they're "fixed to come off".

Seasonable Field Sport.—Leather-hunting.

[Pg 17]

Monster spoils a cricket match.

Prehistoric Peeps. (A cricket match.) "How's that, umpire?"

[Pg 18]

WET-WILLOW

A Song of a Sloppy Season.

(By a Washed-out Willow-Wielder.)

Air—"Titwillow."

In the dull, damp pavilion a popular "Bat"

Sang "Willow, wet-willow, wet-willow!"

And I said "Oh! great slogger, pray what are you at,

Singing 'Willow, wet-willow, wet-willow'?

Is it lowness of average, batsman," I cried;

"Or a bad 'brace of ducks' that has lowered your pride?"

With a low-muttered swear-word or two he replied,

"Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow!"

He said "In the mud one can't score, anyhow,

Singing willow, wet-willow, wet-willow!

The people are raising a deuce of a row,

Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow!

I've been waiting all day in these flannels—they're damp!—

The spectators impatiently shout, shriek, and stamp,

But a batsman, you see, cannot play with a Gamp,

Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow!

"Now I feel just as sure as I am that my name

Isn't willow, wet-willow, wet-willow,

The people will swear that I don't play the game,

Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow!

My spirits are low and my scores are not high,

But day after day, we've soaked turf and grey sky,

And I sha'n't have a chance till the wickets get dry.

Oh willow, wet-willow, wet-willow!!!"

[Pg 19]

CRICKET PROSPECTS

(From Dumb-Crambo Junior's point of view.)

Play on words Marylebone Club.

MARROW-BONE CLUB

Man with coat caught in door.

A DOMESTIC FIXTURE

Man leaving card game.

A RISING PLAYER

Child eating from bowl.

A PROMISING YOUNG BOWLER

Man failing to light match.

TRIAL MATCHES

Man shouting at waiter.

BATTER AND BAWL

[Pg 20]

THE LADIES AT LORD'S

Old Style—Early Sixties.

Scene—The Ground and its Accessories.

Superior Creature. Really very pleasant.

Weaker Sex. Oh! charming. So delightful having luncheon al fresco. The lobster salad was capital.

S. C. Very good. And the champagne really drinkable.

W. S. And our chat has been so interesting, Captain Smorltork.

S. C. So pleased. And now, what do you think of the cricket?

W. S. Oh! I haven't time to think of the cricket.

New Style—Late Nineties.

Scene—The Same.

Mere Man. Really rather nice.

Stronger Sex. Quite nice. Capital game, too. Up to county form. That last over was perfect bowling.

[Pg 22]

M. M. Yes; and the

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