Mr. Punch's Book of Sport<br />The Humour of Cricket, Football, Tennis, Polo, Croquet, Hockey, Racin, J. A. Hammerton and Linley Sambourne [top non fiction books of all time .txt] 📗
Book online «Mr. Punch's Book of Sport<br />The Humour of Cricket, Football, Tennis, Polo, Croquet, Hockey, Racin, J. A. Hammerton and Linley Sambourne [top non fiction books of all time .txt] 📗». Author J. A. Hammerton and Linley Sambourne
Milly (at her first race-meeting). "Oh, no, uncle, I'm all right. George told me to back it 'both ways.'"
[Pg 178]
THE JOYS OF A GENTLEMAN RIDER
Trainer (to G. R., who has taken a chance mount). "So glad you turned up. This horse is such a rocky jumper you know, I can't get a professional to ride him."
Very Racy.—Q. When a parent gives his son the "straight tip" about a race, what vegetable does he recall to one's mind?
A. Pa ('s)-snip, of course.
[Pg 179]
EASY PROBLEM PICTURE. "NAME THE WINNER!"
Judging from their countenances, which of these two, who have just returned from a race meeting, has "made a bit"?
[Pg 180]
RESPICE FINEM
Scene—A little race meeting, under local rules and management.
Starter. "'Ere's a pretty mess! Two runners—the favourite won't start—and if I let the other win, the crowd 'll just about murder me!"
[Pg 181]
His First Book. (At a Provincial Race Meeting).
Novice. "Look here, I've taken ten to one against Blueglass, and I've given twelve to one against him! What do I stand to win?"
[Pg 182]
THE HUNT STEEPLE-CHASE SEASON
The Joys of a Gentleman Rider.
Voice from the Crowd. "Now, then, guv'nor, take care you don't get sunburnt!"
[Pg 183]
RACY SKETCHES(By D. Crambo, Junior)
SIRE (SIGHER)
AND
DAM!
MAIDEN ALLOWANCE
SETTLING AT THE CLUBS
AN OBJECTION ON THE GROUND OF "BORING"
WINNING BY A CLEVER HEAD
[Pg 184]
Owner. "Why didn't you ride as I told you? Didn't I tell you to force the pace early and come away at the corner?"
Jockey. "Yes, m'Lord, but I couldn't very well leave the horse behind."
At Newmarket.
Lady Plong�re (to Sir Charles Hamidoot). Oh! Sir Charles, please put me a tenner each way on the favourite.
Sir Charles. But will you repay me the money laid out?
Lady P. (sweetly). Of course I will, if I win.
[Sir C. forgets to execute the commission.
[Pg 185]
HEARD AT NEWMARKET
Jockey (whose horse has broken down). "Thought you said it was as good as a walk over?"
Trainer. "Well, ain't you walkin' over?"
[Pg 186]
A MOTOR-HORSE STEEPLE-CHASE
[Pg 187]
PREHISTORIC PEEPS
Even the "Derby" had its primeval counterpart.
[Pg 188]
Brown. "Confound it! Done again! I lose on every race. (To barber.) Here's your shilling."
Barber. "Couldn't think of taking it, sir. Just won �500 on the Hascot Cup!"
[Pg 189]
SPORTING EVENT—A RECORD
She won the sweep!
[Pg 190]
AMUSEMENTS FOR ASCOT(Provided for the better sex)
After taking infinite trouble to secure a dream of a dress, to wait expectantly to see whether it will rain or keep up.
After arriving on the course to find one's only duchess monopolised by the Buckingham-Browns, to dismay of all semi-outsiders.
Between the races to notice one's hated rivals in the sacred enclosure, to which one has no admittance.
At luncheon, to contrast the men of this year who have remained at home with those of last season who are now at the front.
And—perhaps safest of all—to leave the doubts and fears, the heart-burnings and disappointment of the meeting to others, and to learn all about Ascot by reading the papers.
[Pg 191]
"NON EST INVENTUS"
(A Derby Problem.)
Ostler (on the Downs, after the races). "Don't you even remember 'is colour, guv'nor?"
[Pg 192]
The Prevailing Passion.
Father (reading newspaper). I see another Rugby man has been appointed Archbishop of Canterbury. That's the third Rugby man in succession.
Son (a football enthusiast). Well, I think it is time one of the Association had a turn.
BRADBURY, AGNEW, & CO. LD., PRINTERS, LONDON AND TONBRIDGE.
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Mr. Punch's Book of Sport, by Various
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