Mr. Punch's Book of Sport<br />The Humour of Cricket, Football, Tennis, Polo, Croquet, Hockey, Racin, J. A. Hammerton and Linley Sambourne [top non fiction books of all time .txt] 📗
Book online «Mr. Punch's Book of Sport<br />The Humour of Cricket, Football, Tennis, Polo, Croquet, Hockey, Racin, J. A. Hammerton and Linley Sambourne [top non fiction books of all time .txt] 📗». Author J. A. Hammerton and Linley Sambourne
The English 'Ome Team.
Jones-Johnson, not out...... 3276
Brown-Smith, not out...... 3055
So the game stood at the end of the fifth day, when, spite all the efforts of "All France," even the putting on of three "Bowlsmen" at once, it was found impossible to take even one of the "'Ome-team" wickettes. Yet the contest was maintained by the "Outside" with a[Pg 42] wonderful heroism and �lan, for though by degrees, in nobly attempting to stop the flight of the boule de canon as it sped on its murderous course, driven by the furious and savage blows of the batsmen in all directions over the field, the fieldsmen, one by one, struck in the arms, legs, head and back, began to grow feeble under their unceasing blows and contusions, still one and all from the "Long-leg-off" to the indomitable "Longstoppe," faced the dangers of their situation with a proud smile, indicative of the noble calm of an admirable spirit. So, Monsieur, the game, which was not finished, and which, in consequence, the Umpire, with a chivalrous generosity, announced as "drawn," came to its conclusion. You will understand, from the perusal of the above, the direction in which my Committee will be likely to modify the rules of the game, and simplify the apparatus for playing it, so as to give your "Cricquette" a chance of finding itself permanently acclimatised in this country.
Accept, Monsieur, the assurance of my most distinguished consideration,
The Secretary of the Paris Athletic Congress.
[Pg 35]
THE "LEVIATHAN BAT."
Or Many-Centuried Marvel of the Modern (Cricket) World, in his high-soaring, top-scoring, Summer-day Flight. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)
As champion him the whole world hails,
Lords! How he smites and thumps!
It takes a week to reach the bails
When he's before the stumps.
"Chevy Chase" (revised).
[Pg 37]
Caught at Lord's.—Cambridge Swell. "Aw, Public Schools' match! Aw, nevar was at one before! Not so bad!"
Stumpy Oxonian. "Ours in miniatu-are! Ours in miniatu-are!!"
EATIN' v. HARROW
DELIGHTFUL OUT-DOOR EXERCISE IN WARM WEATHER
Running after "another four!" at cricket, amidst derisive shouts of "Now then, butter-fingers!"—"Oh! Oh"—"Throw it in! Look sharp!"—"Quick! In with it!" &c. &c.
SUGGESTION FOR THE CRICKET SEASON
The new pneumatic leg guard. (Mr. Punch's patent.)
[Pg 43]
FORM
Public School Boy (to General Sir George, G.C.B., G.S.I., V.C., &c., &c., &c.). I say, Grandpapa,—a—would you mind just putting on your hat a little straighter? Here comes Codgers—he's awfully particular—and he's the captain of our eleven, you know!"
Laura (who wishes to master the mysteries of Cricket). "But then, Emily, what happens if the bowler gets out before the batter?"
[Emily gives it up!
[Pg 44]
EATIN' BOY AT LORD'S
Small Boy Cricket.—Father. Well, and how did you get on? Small Boy. Oh, I kept wicket and caught one out. It came off his foot. Father. But that wouldn't be out. Small Boy. Oh, yes, it was. The umpire gave it out. You see, it hit him "below the elbow."
To Cricketers.—What would you give a thirsty batsman? Why, a full pitcher.
Cricketing and Fashionable Intelligence.—We hear that a distinguished member of the Cricketing Eleven of All England is going to be married. It is said that the object of his affections is a Beautiful Catch.
[Pg 45]
WICKET JOKESBy Dumb-Crambo Junior.
WINNING THE TOSS
FOLLOWING ON, AND OPENING WITH A WIDE
EXCELLENT FIELDING
LONG STOP
BOWLING HIS OFF STUMP
CAUGHT AT THE WICKET
[Pg 46]
PRECEDENCE AT BATTERSEA
"Garn! The treasurer goes in before the bloomin' seckertary!"
THE CRY OF THE CRICKETER(In a Pluvial Autumn.)
Rain, rain, go away,
Come again before next May!
The driving shower and chilling raw gust
Are most inopportune in August.
Rain has a chance to reign, remember,
Till early summer from September.
Why come and spoil cricket's last pages,
Our wickets—and our averages?
[Pg 47]
LORD'S IN DANGER. THE M. C. C. GO OUT TO MEET THE ENEMY
["Sir Edward Watkin proposes to construct a railway passing through Lord's Cricket Ground."]
[Pg 48]
Our Opening Match.—"I say, Bill, you've got that pad on the wrong leg." "Yus, I know. I thought as I were goin' in t' other end!"
[Pg 49]
"Cricketing Intelligence."—Sporting Old Parson (to professional player). "Why is a ball like that called a 'yorker,' sir?" Professional Player. "A 'yorker,' sir? Oh, when the ball's pitched right up to the block—-" Sporting Parson. "Yes, yes—I didn't ask you what a 'yorker' was"— (with dignity)—"I know that as well as you do. But why is it called a 'yorker'?" Professional Player. "Well, I can't say, sir. I don't know what else you could call it!"]
[Pg 50]
KING CRICKETThe canny Scot may talk a lot
Of golf and its attraction,
And "putt" and "tee" for him may be
A source of satisfaction;
While maidens meek with rapture speak
Of croquet's fascination,
Tho' I suspect 'twere more correct
To call their game "flirtation."
But cricket's the thing for Summer and Spring!
Three cheers for cricket, of all games the king!
The man who boats his time devotes
To rowing or to sailing,
In shine or rain he has to train,
With energy unfailing.
A tennis set finds favour yet
With merry men and matrons.
In lazy souls the game of bowls
Is not without its patrons.
A day that's fine I do opine
Is much to be desired;
An "even pitch" I ask for, which
Is certainly required;
Then add to that a "steady bat,"
A bowler "on the wicket,"
A "field" that's "smart," then we can start
The noble game of cricket.
[Pg 51]
CRICKETDrawn with a stump by Dumb-Crambo Junior.
BOWLING STARTED WITH A MAIDEN
A CUT FOR THREE
A DRIVE TO THE OFF FOR A COUPLE
CAUGHT AT SLIP
TAKEN AT POINT
WIDE BAWL AND BUY
[Pg 52]
THE LADY CRICKETER'S GUIDEBowling.
1. Should you desire to bowl leg-breaks, close the right eye.
2. Off-breaks are obtained by closing the left eye.
3. To bowl straight, close both.
Batting.
1. Don't be afraid to leave the "popping" crease—there is another at the other end.
2. County cricketers use the curved side of the bat for driving.
3. A "leg glance" is not football.
4. When "over" is called, don't cross the wicket.
Fielding.
1. Stop the ball with your feet. If you are unable to find it, step on one side.
2. To catch a ball, sit down gracefully and wait.
[Pg 54]
3. When throwing in from the country, aim half-way up the pitch; you may then hit one of the wickets—which one I don't know.
Postscript.
The spirit in which the game should be played is best shown by the following extract from the Leicester Daily Mercury:—
Barrow Ladies v. Thrussington Ladies.
"Barrow went in first, but were dismissed for sixteen. Only three Thrussington ladies batted, owing to the Barrow team refusing to field, because the umpire gave Miss Reid in for an appeal for run out."
[Pg 53]
Two Sides to a Question.--Major Podmore. "Congratulate you, dear boy!" Disappointed Cricketer. "What do you mean? Bowled first ball--never got a run!" Major Podmore. "Quite so, dear boy. But in this hot weather--80� in the shade--so much better, if you can, to take things coolly!"
What is the companion game to Parlour Croquet? Cricket on the Hearth.
Epitaph on an Old Cricketer's Tombstone.—"Out at 70."
Operatic Song for a Cricketer.—"Batti, Batti!"
Sentiment for a Cricket Club Dinner.—May the British Umpire rule the wide world over.
[Pg 55]
CRICKET HITSBy Dumb-Crambo, off his own bat.
LONG LEG AND SHORT LEG
SHORT MID OFF
CUTTING FOR FOUR
A CLEAN BOWL
The Battle of the Sexes.—Middlesex v. Sussex.
Cricket Match to Come Off.—The Teetotallers' Eleven v. The Licensed Victuallers'.
Stump Orations.—Speeches at cricket-club dinners.
[Pg 56]
OUR VILLAGE ELEVEN
TOM BOWLING
Except at lunch, I cannot say
With truth that we are stayers;
Yet, though on village greens we play,
We're far from common players.
The mason blocks with careful eye;
We dub him "Old Stonewall."
The blacksmith hammers hard and high,
And the spreading chestnuts fall.
Sheer terror strikes our enemies
When comes the
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