It's Your Baby, Belén Domínguez [books for 10th graders txt] 📗

wiped the tear away angrily—I was furious at myself for crying. Why the hell am I crying? I shouldn't be crying. . .I won't allow that. It is stupid to cry now.

 

I've cried so damn munch ever since I found out about this baby.

 

I've cried for so many reasons and I am sick already. I am sick of showing my weakness to the world. I am sick of being the frightened girl who's about to have a baby. I am sick of always getting hurt.

 

This is just too much for me.

 

I stared at the rose. . .

 

You know what I am most angry about?

 

That I hate Finn so much for his lies and his cruelty, yet I can't get rid of this rose. I can't burn his note. I can't walk away from it either.

 

I had so much fun with Alec this afternoon, that I just step one foot in this house, and start crying all over again.

 

“I don't want to cry anymore” I said aloud. I lied on my bed and grabbed the note, pressing it to my chest. “I want to hate you, but I love you, you fucking moron. I fucking love you”­

Chapter 57 - I Want You to be Happy

I've been dreaming with Prom since I was just 13 years old. Dani and I would lie in our backs on the ground, planning the perfect night. It feels so weird that Prom is actually a week away. It feels weird that this baby is not that far away from seeing the light. It feels so weird that I don't have a date anymore for the big night.

 

I was about to call Dani to let her know that I will skip Prom and just watch Netflix all night. But I could just imagine her head exploding with the simple thought of not assisting to basically one of the best nights in the life of a teenager—I literally imagine her head exploding, dear God, I was scared now.

 

But she would understand, right?

 

No, of course she wouldn't. . .

 

She would flip out. Is not only a reality, is a fact.

 

But the bare thought of going after everything that happened, makes me dread it even more. I don't want to be reminded by the constant fact that Finn isn't coming with me. Or to see the people that laughed at me about this baby. I don't want to see anybody. Just my bed, my pillow, and my laptop.

 

I heard my phone buzzing. I grabbed it and slide my thumb across the screen to answer who was calling. Which talking of which, it was Dani.

 

“Hey!” she said excitedly. If only I could feel that way.

 

“Hi”

 

“Oh-oh, I know that hi, you're sad” she concluded.

 

“How is it possible that you believe that I am sad after listening to me say hi?” I asked.

 

“A best friend knows how her best friend feels like with just listening to her words or facial expressions”

 

“I am fine”

 

No, I'm not. These second thoughts about Prom are eating me alive.

 

“G. You don't sound too good. Are you sure you're okay?” her voice changed in a drastic way, from playful to concerned. I paused for a moment and bite my lower lip.

 

“I just don't feel like I can assist Prom” I said. She stayed in complete silence for what seemed like forever. I could picture her frowning and debating in her mind whether I am joking or not.

 

“What?” she asked in a low voice. “What did you say?”

 

Here it comes.

 

“After everything that has happened, I just can't bare the fact that everyone will just judge me. Worse, I don't have a date. I just don't want to have the constant reminder that you know who, betrayed me and used to be my date”

 

She let go a heavy sigh, “Gwen, I understand. . .Believe me that I do. But we've talked about this. Are you seriously going to let a sucker-for-fame and talentless little Pop star ruin what is supposed to be the best night of your life?”

 

“I know, is just. . .I don't want to face anybody right now”

 

“Gwen”

 

“Dani” I mimicked her voice.

 

“You know that I only want the best for you” she said.

 

“I know you do. Which is one of the reasons that makes you a great best friend. But, this is already hard for me”

“Gwen, I know. But I can't let you miss the best night of your life for a guy that could go to hell”

 

I smiled, “I want to go”

 

“Then go”

 

“Is hard”

 

“You make it hard” she said, sighing. “You're overthinking things too damn much, like you always do, instead of not caring what others think or say about you”

 

“How can I not feel self-conscious about what others say if they're always looking at me—judging my every move”

 

“You're forgetting something. . .”

 

“What?” I asked, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

 

“I'll be there with you. Ready to attack any bitch that gets in your way”

 

“I am so lucky to have you”

 

“Me too” she said.

 

“Fine” I sighed and sat at the edge of my bed.

 

“Fine what?”

 

“I'll go. . .You're so damn good in convincing people. Dammit” she does have a point. I can't let Finn ruin anything anymore. I have to move on and forget him. . .It is the right thing to do after all. Now, I have to repeat that a million times and maybe my heart will start believing that as well/ Why does it has to be so damn hard? Why can't I just get inside my own head and rip out the thought of Finn? I want him out. . .

 

“Oh my, God, that's awesome! Even though I would've been capable of going inside your house and drag you to prom”

 

I giggled, “I believe you would have. . .” 

 

• • •

 

“The baby looks so healthy, there's nothing to be worried about. . .” Doctor McNamara said, with a reassuring smile. I sighed in relief, as my mom held one of my hands and Erin held the other. They both exchanged looks and smiled as well. Doctor McNamara excused herself and got out of the room, leaving us alone. 

“Well those are good news” 

 

"Excellent news, sweetie" my mom agreed. 

 

“Gwen, dear, you have no idea how happy you're making my husband and I. Giving up a baby is such a serious decision” Erin said, sitting down on of the chairs. 

 

“I know, but—”

 

“Which is why we want to make sure you're 100% sure you still want keep going with this. . .” she cut me off. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. Her words made me think for a few minutes, the silence grew upon us. 

“Excuse me?” I asked, trying to understand her words. 

 

Of course I want to keep going with this. . .It is indeed the right thing to do. 

 

“You see? We've been through this many times. All of the times we've been expecting to receive the baby, the girl would step back and saying she can't give her baby, that it is too hard. And we would understand, with the hope that there will be another woman that is willing to let go. . .”

 

“But—” she raised her hand up, cutting off my sentence once more. I stayed quiet, letting her proceed. Where is she going with all this? 

 

“Which is why, when this baby is born, we want you to spend some time with him/her” 

 

“What!?” my mom and I said at the same time. 

 

“I know it's weird, and maybe stupid. . .But we want you to be sure that you want to give it to us”

 

“But I am sure, is the right thing to do. . .”

 

“It may be the right thing to do, but maybe is not the thing you want to do, and what about the father? Is he okay with this?”

 

He doesn't even know that I am giving it to someone else. 

 

“Well, I-I, actually—”

 

“Exactly” she said, with a half-smile. 

 

“But, Erin—”

 

“I want you to be happy Gwen. You have been so nice with Henry and I. . .We want you to be happy”

 

“But you guys deserve this baby more than anything in the world” I said, caressing my stomach. She nodded and stood up. She walked towards me and grabbed my hand, caressing with her thumb the top of it. 

 

“Yeah, there's nothing we want more. But we also know what it's like to have something so precious, and then out of nowhere being snatched out of your very own hands. We went through something like that. When I was just 15, I got pregnant. My mother forced me to give my baby for adoption. I tried to deny, I tried to convince her that I will give my child the best life possible. But she didn't listen. The day I gave birth, my baby was already being cleaned up and handed to her new parents”

 

“But what happened when you got married, you didn't try to have another one?” I asked. 

She nodded, “Of course. . .Henry and I were adults and took our very own decisions. We were ready and financially stable. But-but—” her voice cracked. She stared at the ceiling and then back at me. Her crystal blue eyes were glass and I knew she was fighting back the tears. “But 9 months later when I was about to give birth. . .My precious baby died” she said, a single tear now rolling freely down her cheeks. My mom and I gasped in shocked. Her grip on my hand got tighter. Now, I was the one trying my best not to cry. 

 

“I am so sorry” I said. 

 

She forced a smile, “It was a long time ago. . .But Gwen, darling, I don't want this story to affect your decision. We know that you want us to have it. But I also know that deep inside you, you really don't want to give it away. . .You agree with this because is the right thing to do—you're 17 and want to live—but a mother would never give up her baby, no matter the age. One look at the baby's eyes—your baby's eyes—and giving it up will be the hardest thing to do” 

 

I was speechless. Motionless. Shocked. I didn't know how to reply with that. I was both terrified and anxious. Her answer left yet another hole inside me. Do I really want it? Do I want to give it away? I was already with the decision of giving it to another responsible family. Someone that could make him/her happy. Someone that can afford to give this baby a better and beautiful life. . .

 

What the hell can I do now? 

 

What the hell do I want to do? 

 

Just what the hell can I decide now? 

 

Chapter 58 — I won't Leave without a Fight