The OOBS, CC Raz [best ereader for academics txt] 📗

they want to see him as much as they can, and talk to him all the time. But then they'll get tired of putting up all the effort, and it'll be just like me. They'll give up on him because they'll realize that he's already given up on them.
    So this weekend we were supposed to go to the lake with Ken for Father's Day (because... you know. He's more of our dad than Dad is). But he found out yesterday that he has to work during the weekend because they have to get this big thing fixed at the plant. That was a little disappointing. But maybe we'll all go do somethig next weekend or something.

Jake slept in my room last night and now it smells like poop. I searched the ENTIRE room, inside the kennel, under the desk, under the bed, anywhere where the dogs might have pooped (I have Taz too, because Shelsey's here and she spent the night at Kaytie's house last night), and there isn't any. At all. It's Jake. It pisses me off. And it's 9:00 in the morning and he's still not up and he probably won't be up until like 11, because he doesn't have to work until 3 so that means that he can't get ANYTHING else done at all during the day. So I can't even use my room and get anything done until he wakes up and gets out. He could have slept in Lawson and Jolie's room last night. They're staying at Nana's. But no. He decided to stay in my room and make it smell.

Sorry that yesterday's message was so short and didn't really have an ending. I was typing it, then got side tracked and then we had to leave and we got home and watched movies and then I fell asleep on the couch, so... I just never finished it. Sorry. But it was something. As I was falling asleep, I was thinking, "I have to finish my message to Gwen. I have to finish my message to Gwen." But it was that stage where I was just too tired to move, and then I fell asleep on the couch.

Jacob texted me last night, and asked me if I still email you every day. I said yeah, and he said, "I haven't been... :/ is that bad I'm not sure... do I just send her messages on bookrix? Idk how to put them in a folder  :(" It just kinda made me sad. I dunno. I probably shouldn't be telling you this because it's not going to help you at all (or maybe it will. I dunno). But it just kinda felt like, to me, he was almost ready to give up. Like he doesn't know how to send you messages. So he just doesn't even try. And I'm sure he still thinks about you. But he's kinda lost hope, maybe? I dunno. It was kinda like that time in the dream when you just didn't reply because you didn't know what to say. It pissed me off. Because you're counting on us.
    Bailey's told me that she messages you "basically every day". So I assume that there are some days here and there that she doesn't message you anything. But she also has a lot going on. She's a busy gal. Her reasoning isn't because she doesn't know what to say, or she doesn't know how. She figures out a way and does it. Jacob just stopped because he didn't know how. He could have send you messages. I wouldn't recommend that because you get so much spam mail all the time, it would be easy to get the messages lost in the bunch. Or he could have just written it on your profile. But that's really only good if you have short messages every time. Or, he could have done what I've been doing, which I suggested to him at first when we saw the book of emails that you have on here, and then again when we found out that your mom was forwarding all your emails to herself.
    But last night I told him again that he can just create a book and each new message is a new chapter, he said he'd get on it.
   The whole thing, though... I dunno. I don't want him to give up. For your sake, or for his sake. Because what good would that do? NONE. None at all.

Taz is a big ol' tub-o'-lard. He's FAT!! Well, he's probably not as fat as I think he is. But his body isn't nearly as long as Oscar's (Oscar has a super long body), so he looks fatter because there's not as much space for it to go to. Plus, Oscar is kinda skinny, so in comparison, Taz looks pretty fat. But he also eats more than Oscar, probably,because at Dad's house, he has Tucker and Tabitha to compete with, so he eats more. AND, they don't feed him puppy food. Dad said that they just soften up Tucker and Tabby's food with water a little bit, and feed him that. That's like saying, "Oh, this little baby doesn't need formula or milk. We'll just mash up this regular food really well and feed it to him in a bottle. As long as it's liquid, it's okay." No. The puppy and the baby can't have big people food yet, because they're a puppy still. The formula or milk (and puppy chow) has different nutrients than the adult food (dog chow) because in order for the puppy to be healthy, it needs certain nutrients, in different ammounts and ratios than they need as an adult. It's common sense. It pisses me off.
    And they haven't gotten Taz his shots yet. I know that we just got Oscar his shots yesterday. But A)We made the appointment earlier in the week, and this was when they could get us in.  B)He's not around any other dogs who haven't had recent, updated shots. He's been around Rocco, who's had his shots, and Aunt Stephanie's dogs. Since she works at a vet clinic, I'm pretty sure that they've had their shots and won't be passing on any diseases. And C)We've both been REALLY busy the last couple weeks. And I didn't know where my mom wanted me to take him to get his shots, or what kind of stuff needed to be brought in, or anything. I've never had to take the dog to the vet all by myself, so I've never had to worry about that, so Mom had to be with me for that.
    But they haven't even tried to make any appointments anywhere. And Taz is around Tucker, who's due for his shots, and Tabitha, who... I don't know about her shots. A new puppy is supposed to have 4 rounds of shots (starting at 8 weeks), 3 weeks apart each. And they got Tabitha on the side of the road with some guy giving them away. I kinda feel like if you get a brand new puppy on the side of the road, you should just assume that they haven't had ANY rounds of shots yet. And I don't know if they go her the shots that she needed. I know they probably got her one round of shots. And the vet probably told them that they need to keep bringing her in until she's had 4 rounds of shots, but I don't know if they did. And until they have all of their shots, they aren't protected. So Tabitha might be a carrier of something, and pass it on to Taz. I don't know. It's possible. But Taz also has little red bumps on his head and his tummy. Um... they should probably take him to the vet. Like... yesterday.
    I don't know why I care so much about it, because... it really doesn't make a difference to me. But this dog is supposed to be teaching Shelsey responsibility. If the dog dies because she wasn't responsible, then what?
   And as of right now, Dad still owes me money for the dog. So, technically, it's my dog. They better not kill my dog. JK. He's not mine. He's even more of a shithead than Oscar. I don't want him. But that doesn't mean I want him to die.

Okay. Enough about the dogs, because... you probably don't care a whole lot about my sister's dog problems.

How are you doing? I wonder when you're coming home.
    OH!! I need to email your dad. He asked me to let him know if we heard any word about you. GOSH! I should probably do that soon. I'll be right back.
    Okay. I sent the message to your dad. I gave a (very very) quick summary of the letters that we got from you (I basically said that you're having fun with your family, but you're still scared that you'll lose everyone you love, no matter which path you take). And then I told him the information that I got from Tara (you were still in Colorado as of Tuesday, and that you'll be back in Arizona before the family moves to Colorado.
    I didn't tell him that I figured you'll probably be staying in Colorado. I didn't want to tell him that because, if he thinks you're staying there, he might just stop working on all the custody stuff at all. And if you do end up choosing to live with your dad, and he stopped with the custody stuff, you won't be able to stay with him anymore, because it'll be too late.
     But yeah.

Okay. I'm gonna go now. :) I'll talk to you later. But I have to shower, go to the bank, get everything ready for cheer (we're having a lock-in in the gym tonight), and work on my room a little more. I probably won't send you anything more today, since I won't be home tonight and I doubt that I'll have something more to say to you within the next couple hours. My life isn't that exciting, unfortunately.

But I'll see you soon. :) Love you!

Still praying, still staying strong.
Love,
CC Raz

PS- Jake left at about 9:30 (left my room). It's 10:15 now and it STILL stinks. YAY.

OOB#All-Nighter!! WHOOO!

6/15

JK. NOT whoo. I am so exhausted. I haven't been asleep, like asleep asleep since before I sent you that last message yesterday. Let me give you a little run-down of the last two days. Bear with me here. If some sentences or words don't make sense, it's not my fault. It's a side effect of the sleep deprivation. Not that I'm really sleep-deprived enough to have halluncinations or anything. Just enough to make me uncapable of makeing sense.

It started out as a sort of normal day. Not really. But I kinda hate it when people start stories like that. "It was a normal day, but then something strange happened. And it wasn't a normal day. Keep reading and I'll tell you what that strange thing was, and how it turned my day from normal into abnormal.

Anyway. I was headed off to the school for practice and the lock-in, and the truck