The OOBS, CC Raz [best ereader for academics txt] 📗

you didn't care anymore, and you just didn't want to deal with them anymore. I dunno. :( I don't like this. This whole situation is just completely messed up. Even if you were in prison, you'd be able to reply to our letters and all that. And I don't know much about how things are up there. Actually, I don't know anything. So I can't figure out a reason why you aren't replying to us at all. Not being able to talk to you... it's killing me. I might as well go send emails to my dead grandpa, because I'd get just as much conversation out of him.
   I know you're probably having a hard time, and that you don't like not being able to talk to us. But... I'd give anything to switch you. You still know that we love you and care about you. You still know that we think about you every day, and that we take time out of each day to talk to you, even though we know you won't reply. You can sit back with the confidence that when you come back, you'll still have your friends.
   I don't have that. I have your boyfriend and your other best friend who I have to stay strong for. But I feel like I'm just a burden on them, because I can't handle all of this, plus Shelsey leaving, plus Jake leaving, plus my mom going to court and me having to support her, plus cheer drama, plus having to take care of the dog every single second because even though Mom asked me for the dog it's my responsibility, plus dealing with Mom and her boyfriend problems, because she doesn't have any other friends here in Wickenburg so she comes to me EVERY time something happens with Ken, and not getting any sleep. I have so much going on right now I feel terrible for making them have to support me, but I can't deal with all of that PLUS you being gone. Not on my own. But I should be the one supporting them. That's who I should be. That's who I always was. I was always the one who helped her friends, and dealt with everything else on her own. I have emails and emails that I've sent to you, sometimes more than one each day, and no reply. I have a book on bookrix where you stopped putting my emails in, and deleted them from your email account. So you can't go back and read them if you want to. They're gone forever (well.. not really because they're still in my sent box. But you don't have access to that). I have NOTHING. I don't know if you even read the emails. I don't know when you'll come back. I don't know if when you come back, you'll be you. I. Don't. Know. And it is KILLING me. I have nothing to go off of. At all. And it's not really fair for me to be unloading this all on you. But you're the first person I go to for all of my problems. For anything, you're who I go to. And it's not... None of this is fair. At all. NONE of it.

Have you been able to talk to your dad at all? I'm guessing you haven't, because he hasn't said anything to us. Does that mean you guys aren't trying to contact each other, or your family won't let you? Or maybe it's just him forgetting to let us know. ?? None of it makes sense. AT ALL.

I hope you're having fun. I'd be lying if I told you that I haven't had any fun sine school got out. With STEM, and cheer practice (which is exhausting, but I LOVE it), and going to Phx with Bailey, and playing with my puppy, and playing with the kids. I've had fun. It's okay to have fun while all this stuff is going on. And I hope you know that too. I hope that that big paragraph before doesn't make you feel guilty if you have been having fun. Because you should be.
   Have you gotten to hang out with Chase at all? I can't remember- did he know Brian Regan? If he does, you'll probably have fun quoting him together (like in 1st hour. :)). Or just... whatever you do. You'll have fun with him. Maybe youl'll get to go shopping with your aunt or something? I don't know. I hope that they aren't treating this as a punishment trip. Which.. I guess it kinda is. Your mom sent you there because she thought you were a bad kid and all that. But... Hopefully they're using more of a "Hey, Gwen, I love you, let's go have fun so you realize what a rewarding thing it is to be with your family" kind of approach as opposed to a "Gwen you're a bad kid and we're here to make sure you don't have any fun so here's your ration of bread and water today and get back in the basement" kind of thing.
   I hope you have lots of time to pray each day. Pray for strength, and pray for guidance. I know that God wouldn't tell you to stay with your mom at this point. Not because she isn't strong in her faith and a good person, but because she's not healthy, mentally. And she needs help. It's not a healthy situation for you to be in, and God knows that. He knows that you are a good person and he sees what your mother is doing and he sees how it hurts you in so many ways. Keep praying, and I know that He'll make sure you're in a healthy situation. Also, pray that your mom gets the help that she needs. In order to serve God to her best ability, and to be the best mom that she can be, and to have any sort of relationship with you, she needs to get help. God wants what's best for all of his children. And right now, until your mother gets the help that she needs, all of His children won't be getting what's best for them.
These are the things that I've been praying for.

I'm gonna go now. I think this is long enough for a 9AM email. I'll send something tonight after I get home. :)
Still praying. And for now, I'm still strong.
Love,
CC Raz

PS- None of this is supposed to be a guilt trip. The fact that I'm not just saying, "Still praying, still staying strong," and the big paragraph about how hard it all is... It's not supposed to make you feel guilty. I know you're doing all that you can. I just want to be honest with you. I don't want to say, "Still praying, still staying strong" right after I rant about how hard it is for me to stay strong. Because then it takes away the credibility. And in the emails when I do just say, "Still praying, stil staying strong" it won't seem as real. It'll seem like an act. And you deserve the truth. But I've been praying. For strength for you, and for me. I'm working on it. :) Love you, Pengwen.
Love,
CC Raz

 

OOB#Caught red handed

6/7

Every email or text that we've sent to you since you left... it's now been forwarded to your mom. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

So... Now that I know for sure that your mom is the one reading the emails... I won't be sending them to your email anymore.

Sorry that you won't be getting any emails from me anymore. And Jacob and Bailey won't be sending them either. :) Yay. I LOVE not being able to talk to my best friend.

I'll try to find some other way to get ahold of you. But I don't see that happening. You don't have facebook or anything, so email and text is all I got. Those were both taken away.

I might see you soon. Maybe not. I might never hear from you again. No matter what, just remember that I love you.

Keep praying. :) Don't lose your faith. That's what I love the most about you. :)
Still praying, still staying strong.
Love,
CC Raz
Cassie
Your best friend

OOB#Disregard the last email

6/7

I just emailed you something... IGNORE it. It was for your mom. I am not giving up. Jacob is not giving up. Bailey is not giving up. We are not giving up. The emails we sent... they are for your mom so that she'll leave everything alone because she'll think she's won. WE ARE NOT GIVING UP.

We're all just gonna post our emails on here, and you can read them here. I figure it's safer than the email. Your mom might have your bookrix password... I hope not. This is my last chance.

I love you. Do NOT think that we have given up on you.

I love you, Gwen. Stay strong. :)

Still praying, more determined than ever to stay strong.
Love,
CC Raz

OOB#Everyone loves Gwen

6/7

That should be the new TV show. No more Everybody Loves Raymond. Because not everyone loves Raymond. But everyone does love you.
   Kaylea asked me how you were doing and if you'll be here next year, and that it would really suck if you weren't here.
   Chandra asked how you were doing, if you'll be here next year. And then she ssaid she hopes you're here next year.
    Alejandro asked me how you're doing this morning.
    Caitlin asked me how you were doing, said she hopes you're here next year.
              Everybody. Loves. Gwen.

Don't Lie
You've got it all figured out
That smile
Has got me spinnin' around
Don't even try
Actin' like it ain't no thing
Cause I can see you movin in closer closer
Girl I gotta