The OOBS, CC Raz [best ereader for academics txt] 📗

the emails. And that you're able topost them on BookRix. So you obviously are having quite a bit of timeonline. And... we aren't hearing from you. THAT is what's driving menuts the most. The fact that I can think of SOOOO many ways that youcould communicate to us. Through BookRix especially. And you're notdoing it? Why? I honestly would NOT be surprised if that was the causeof my hives (which, by the way, were completely gone by the time Iwoke up this morning. But now they're back again. ??). It scares me somuch. Are you not replying because you can't or because you don't wantto? Why would your family LET you check your email and LET you poststuff on BookRix? If you were told no technology, I assume they wouldhold you to that. But if you're doing all this in secret, then whyaren't you saying SOMETHING? Just read one less email and send us alla short one or something. SOMETHING. I don't know. None of it makes sense to me.
The part that scares me is that you don't want to contact us. I am scared that your mother's plan worked. And I hope and I pray SO hardthat that is not the case. But... what am I supposed to think? You'resmart and you find ways to communicate. I even tried thinking that thetitle of your book (those random letters) aren't really so random, andthat they are really an acronym. But I couldn't find anything thatthey would mean that would make any sense. I just... I don't know. Iam just freaking out here.
I'm not trying to put more stress on you by saying this. But Gwen. I.NEED. to hear from you. I was bawling this morning because I haven'theard from you other than the book. But that just stresses me out evenmore because it brings out SO MANY new questions that outnumber theones I had before. Every fact is a puzzle piece. But they don't fittogether.

Your mom said no technology.
You found technology. You have access
.This means that:
You are sneaking it. Or
They let you check your email and post on BookRix

But if you're sneaking it, it doesn't fit with the fact that you're not responding.
And WHY THE HELL would they allow you to do that? If they're breakingyour mom's rule, you'd think that they'd let you send SOMETHING, atleast so we know you're still our Gwen. But they wouldn't allow you todo it at all because that would break your mom's trust.

None of it makes sense. AT ALL. And it's causing me to burst intotears and get hives and it's all I can think about. At all.

As soon as I get a computer that works with BookRix (all the computersI have access to right now only have Internet Explorer, and thatreally isn't too compatible with BookRix. So there are differentreasons why I can't download any other browser for several reasons andit just is overall not working), I'll start putting my emails andstuff in there, as well as sending them to your email.Until then... I'll be waiting for an answer. Something. Anything. Asmiley face. A frowny face. A simple "mud" even. Just SOMETHING. Ineed to hear from you, if you can. If you can't, I trust that there'sa really good reason. And that the only reason why it doesn't makesense to me is because of some giant chunk of knowledge that I'mmissing, and I'm sure you'll explain it to me when you get back.

Still waiting. Anxiously.
Still praying, still doing my best to stay strong
Love,
CC Raz

OOB#Bi, not di

6/4

On a lighter note (bi, hydrogen, lighter... *cue Mr. Thomas flippinghis wrist like he always did when people got bi and di confused*),that won't make us di(e)...

Bailey and I hung out today. :) We ended up going to Surprise withNana because Nana had to go down there but she didn't want to goalone. So we went and had lots of fun. And we were at Hobby Lobby inthe card section... Brian Regan would have had a hay day (I don'tunderstand that phrase) with this section. Sadly, we did not find anOld Baby section. However... We did find (and I have pictures- I'llsend them later):
Belated Birthday
Loss of Pet
If We Could Have Coffee
Life Change
Coping With Cancer
I Can Relate
You Make a Difference
Job Stress
Divorce/Separation
Baby Special Day
Stepping Out in Faith
Youth Pastor Appreciation
Women in Ministry
Love Birthday
On Your Side
Don't Worry
Life is Messy
Stay Strong
Christian Father
Dad- Witness
Pretty. Dang. Cool. Don'tcha think?

My nana gave me some meds for the hives. But they're making me sleepy.Which sucks. Because I have a feeling that Oscar will be up all night.I have that feeling because I have a feeling that he's been in thecage all day, because no one wants to take care of him. And he'd notpotty trained yet, so if you aren't watching him, you might step insomething. So, pretty much I don't like leaving him. Because I don'tlike the thought of him being all alone all day, in that littlekennel. He needs to go out and play a little. You know?

Mom's gonna be here soon to pick me up (I'm at Nana's again). But I'lltalk to you again soon. Maybe tonight. Or at like 2 AM because I'll beawake because I'll probably fall asleep as soon as I get home at like8:30.

Legs are super sore from stunting. But it feels awesome. :)

Gotta go. Love you

Still praying, still staying strong
Love,
CC Raz

OOB#Eighth text

6/4

OOB#Hives
I have hives. Bad. It looks like I have some gross skin disease. Or burn scars from when I was really little. But it's only on my stomach, sides, thighs, and wrists. Wierd. It's probably on my arms too, it just hasn't showed up yet. I dunno. They aren't itchy so far. But it'll prolly come soon. Good thing I don't have practice tomorrow. I have a hunch that I won't be up to it.
But DANG! I was gonna go to Bailey's house tomorrow. I hope I still can.
I'm trying to think of what would have caused these.
1. It could be the soap I used today. After practice I came to my nanas. Showered here and used some soap that I've never used before. So it could just be a reaction to that. But I've gotten hives as a reaction to soap or detergent before. And it takes more than a couple hours. At least it always has in the past. Sometimes its even taken a couple days. But I dunno. I haven't gotten hives in several years. So maybe it's different now after puberty or something.
2. Stress. But what am I stressed about? You. Of course. But I've been stressed about you for a loooooong time. Months. Why would I be getting hives now? And what else? Shelsey. Whether being at dad's house is gonna be good for her. If she'll be okay. If mom will be okay. All that stuff. But... Would that give me hives? I've been more stressed about more things before. Especially because with these problems I've kinda just been ignoring it and only looking at the good parts of this (get my own room. And with you.... Wel I know you're getting our emials. That's good). So I'm not really stressed out. I am, but I'm ignoring it. Could that give me hives?

I don't know. I give up. The fact is that I have hives.

And now that I've informed you of my skin problems, I'll go to bed. Because it's late and I'm tired. So Goodnight Pengwen.

One week down. I'll see you soon. Love you. Just keep praying and you gotta keep your head up (hey ey).

Still praying, still staying strong
Every day
Love,
CC Raz

OOB#Ninth text

6/4

Just wanted to say goodnight. The kids and I are all in here listening to lullaby. :) nice and calming.
i'm falling asleep so this won't be long.
Just wanted to tell you g'night

Still praying, still staying strong
Love,
CC Raz

OOB#Tenth text

6/5

Hey there. Sorry I haven't sent anything to you today. I haven't been home at all, except for this morning, and I had to get ready and take care of the puppy and all that.I'm about to fall asleep though. I just wanted to tell you g'night. But I promise that tomorrow, I'll send you some more stuff. More than just this little text message. I don't have anything planned for tomorrow, except I have to meet with Diana and Gema about the Stuebenville thing in July.
But that won't take long.
I'm thinking that I'll grab a box and put the rest of Shelsey's crap in it. The whole top shelf of the closet is full of it. And I have things that need to go in there. Plus I wanna move your stuff out of the living room. Because it's just sitting there and the kids can get into it, or Oscar. I don't let him go over there. But... If I'm not home and someone else lets him run around the apartment, I can't trust that they'll watch him and make sure he stays out of your stuff. So I wanna get that off the floor.
I'm staying the night with my aunt tonight. Lately... I dunno. I