Our American Cousin, Tom Taylor [best color ereader .TXT] 📗

Is this all? Abel Murcott No; the key of his private bureau is on his watch chain, and I can’t get it off. Asa Trenchard Take watch and all. Abel Murcott No; he will accuse us of robbing him. Asa Trenchard Never mind, I’ll take the responsibility. Mr. Coyle moves. Abel Murcott He is getting up. Asa Trenchard Well, darn me, knock him down again. Abel Murcott I can’t. Asa Trenchard Can’t you? Well, I can. Pulls Abel Murcott away. Knocks Mr. Coyle down; is going towards D. in F., meets Mr. Binny with tray and glasses; kicks it, knocks Mr. Binny down and exits up staircase, followed by Abel Murcott, carrying candle. Dark state. Mr. Binny rises; Mr. Coyle ditto. Blindly encounter each other and pummel soundly till change. Quick change. Scene 4

Chamber in 1, same as Scene 2.

Enter Lord Dundreary and Harry Vernon, L. 1 E. Lord Dundreary stops, C., and is seized with an inclination to sneeze. Motions with his hand to Harry Vernon. Harry Vernon My lord! Business Lord Dundreary sneezing. Your lordship! Lord Dundreary same business. Louder. My lord! Lord Dundreary There you go; now you’ve spoiled it. Harry Vernon Spoiled what, my lord? Lord Dundreary Spoiled what? why a most magnificent sneeze. Harry Vernon I’m very sorry to interrupt your lordship’s sneeze, but I merely wanted to express my gratitude to you for getting me a ship. Lord Dundreary Sir, I don’t want your gratitude, I only want to sneeze. Harry Vernon Very well, my lord, then I will leave you, and this gives you an opportunity for sneezing. Crosses to R. But in return for what you have done for me, should you ever want a service a sailor can offer you, just hail Harry Vernon, and you’ll find he’ll weigh anchor and be alongside. Hitches up breeches and exits, R. 1 E. Lord Dundreary Find him alongside? What does he mean by a long side? and he always wants to weigh anchor. What funny fellows the sailors are. Why the devil won’t they keep a memorandum of the weight of their anchor? What’s the matter with the sailor’s side? Imitates Harry Vernon. Oh I see, he’s got the stomachache. Exit, R. 1 E. Scene 5

Library in Trenchard Manor in 3 or 4.

Enter Mr. Buddicombe, R. 1 E., following Lord Dundreary. Mr. Buddicombe A letter, my lord. Lord Dundreary Takes letter. You may go. Exit Mr. Buddicombe, R. 1 E. Opens letter. “My dear Frederick.” He calls me Frederick because my name is Robert. “I wrote you on my arrival.” Why, I never heard from him. “But I am afraid you didn’t get the letter, because I put no name on the envelope.” That’s the reason why I didn’t get it, but who did get it? It must have been some fellow without any name. “My dear brother, the other day a rap came to my door, and some fellows came in and proposed a quiet game of porker.” A quiet game of porker, why, they wanted to kill him with a poker. “I consented and got stuck⁠—” Sam’s dead, I’ve got a dead lunatic for a brother⁠—“for the drinks.” He got on the other side of the paper, why couldn’t he get stuck all on one side. “P.S.⁠—If you don’t get this letter let me know, for I shall feel anxious.” He’s a mad lunatic. Exit, R. 1 E. Change scene. Scene 6

Mr. Coyle’s Office in 2. High desk and stool, R. Modern box center against flat. Cabinet, L.

Asa Trenchard discovered looking over papers on box. Abel Murcott looking in desk. Asa Trenchard Have you found it? Abel Murcott No, Mr. Trenchard. I’ve searched all the drawers but can find no trace of it. Asa Trenchard What’s this? Abel Murcott That’s a cabinet where his father kept old deeds, the key he always carries about him. Asa Trenchard Oh, he does, does he? Well I reckon I saw a key as I came in that will open it. Exit, R. 1 E. Abel Murcott Key, oh, my poor muddled brain, what can he mean! Asa Trenchard Re-enters with axe. Here’s a key that will open any lock that Hobb ever invented. Abel Murcott Key? what key? Asa Trenchard What key, why, Yankee. Shows axe, begins to break open Cabinet. Enter Mr. Coyle, R. 2 E. Mr. Coyle Villains! would you rob me? Abel Murcott Stand off, Mr. Coyle, we are desperate. Now seizes him. Asa Trenchard Here it is a sure as there are snakes in Virginia. Let the old cuss go, Murcott. Mr. Coyle Burglars! oh, you shall dearly pay for this. Asa Trenchard Yes, I’ll pay⁠—but I guess you’ll find the change. Mr. Coyle The law⁠—the law shall aid me. Asa Trenchard Wal, perhaps it would be as well not to call in the law just yet. It might look a little further than might be convenient. Abel Murcott It’s no use to blunder, Mr. Coyle, you are harmless to us now, for we have that, that will crush you. Mr. Coyle Well, what are your conditions? money, how much? Asa Trenchard Wal, we warn’t thinking of coming down on your dollars. But you have an appointment with Sir Edward at two, haven’t you? Mr. Coyle Well? Asa Trenchard Well, I want you to keep that appointment. Mr. Coyle Keep it? Asa Trenchard Yes, and that’s all I do want you to keep of his, and instead of saying you have come to foreclose the mortgage, I want you to say, you have found the release which proves the mortgage to have been paid off. Mr. Coyle I accept. Is that all? Asa Trenchard Not quite. Then I want you to pay off the execution debts. Mr. Coyle What, I pay Sir Edward’s debts? Asa Trenchard Yes, with Sir Edward’s money that stuck to your fingers naturally while passing through your hands. Mr. Coyle To Abel Murcott. Traitor! Abel Murcott He knows all, Mr. Coyle. Mr. Coyle Is there anything more! Asa Trenchard Yes, I want you to apologize to Miss Florence Trenchard, for having the darned impudence to propose for her hand. Mr. Coyle What more? Asa Trenchard Then you resign your stewardship