Love Leaps: A Short Story, Karen Jerabek [snow like ashes TXT] 📗

back and keep ontyping. But then, I stop, swivel around in my chair and call out toRoger to come back for a second.

“Hey, are you heading to lunch?” I ask,trying to be nonchalant.

“Yeah, just to the deli across the street.Do you want anything?” he asks with a smile.

“I could use a break, do you mind if I tagalong?” I ask sweetly. Roger and I are friendly but we're moreacquaintances than lunch buddies.

“Sure,” he says and shrugs, still smiling atme.

As I get in his car, I try to make politechitchat with him about his dog and his girlfriend and his weekendplans. I just nod as he answers without paying much attention.

“Okay, so I really need your help,” I say,sounding a little more desperate than I had hoped.

“Um, okay Em, what is it?” he asks, glancingat me curiously.

“So, my boyfriend, Gray, and I have beendating almost a year and things were great or well, they werepretty good but then last night he said he felt like he was livingsomeone else's life and that he needed space to figure it all out.This makes no sense to me at all!” I say exasperated.

“Of course it doesn't,” he chuckles. “You'rea girl.”

“Okay, but what does it mean?” I ask.

“Girls don't need space. They thrive inrelationships. But, men need some space here and there to getthings figured out,” he says.

“Why?” I ask dumbfounded.

“I don't know why,” he says. “That's justhow we're programmed, I guess.”

“But, he's never needed space before,” Ipout. “Why now?”

“My guess is that he's really stressed outabout something. And, he probably did need space before and eitherdidn't take it or only needed a day or two so you didn't reallynotice it.”

“So, what am I supposed to do?” I say,feeling no more closer to understanding this need for space thingthan I did before.

“Just leave him alone,” Roger says.

“That's it, just leave him alone?”

“Yep, he'll figure it out,” he says with alevel of confidence that I don't share.

“What if he doesn't?” I ask quietly. This isa question I haven't really allowed myself to think until rightnow. As the words leave my mouth, I'm flooded with this stomachturning sense of fear.

“He probably will but if he doesn't, thenyou'll just need to let him go,” he says practically.

“And so what am I supposed to do in themeantime?” I ask, starting to feel some anger bubble up inside ofme.

“I don't know, hang out with yourgirlfriends more, I guess,” he offers.

“So you're basically saying that you thinkhe's normal, that he'll figure it out and that he'll come back tome?” I toss at him.

“No promises,” he says, trying to avoid anyfuture blame. “But yeah, I think that about sums it up.”

“Alright,” I sigh. “Thanks for the maleinsight.”

“Sorry it isn't what you want to hear,” hesays and pats my shoulder. “Just give him some space and it willall work out.”

“Well, do you think he's trying to break upwith me and is just using this as an excuse?” I ask.

“No, I don't think he'd be that selfish.I've only met him a couple times at the office, but he seems like adecent guy. Try not to worry about it,” he says with a shrug.

“Thanks,” I say, realizing my shrink timewith him is up. We walk into the deli and order a couple sandwichesto go, while I make some more mindless chitchat that is totallyirrelevant.

The next several days go by in a blur. Ispend countless hours pouring over relationship advice articles.I'm devouring everything on the web that is available yet nothingseems to make me feel better. I'm trying to respect Gray's decisionto take some time for himself but it's killing me not to talk tohim. We used to text several times a day, see each other mostnights out of the week and when we didn't see each other, we wereon the phone to check in before we went to bed. Now, all of thathas been ripped away and I'm left with a gaping hole. I checking mycell phone obsessively, hoping he'll have texted or called. Hehasn't. I try to remind myself of that fact before I check my phoneagain for the hundredth time but I can't help it, I look anyways. Iwant to call or at least text him to see how he's doing, but allthe self help articles beg me not to do that. They say that thelonger you chase after a man who needs space, the more time he'llneed before he's ready to come back to you. And so, I bite my nailsinstead. It's a disgusting habit that I still haven't been able tobreak as an adult. But, it's better than eating Ho Hos, Ireason.

Jessica made me promise her that when I feltthe urge to call Gray, that I'd call her instead. She agrees withthe psycho babble that I'm reading about respecting a man's needfor space, especially if you want the relationship to continue. AndI do, I think.

I say “I think” because while I've beenobsessively checking my phone, calling Jessica multiple times a dayand reading online articles incessantly, I've also developed quitea bit of anger. I'm really pissed off and I'm not quite sure I wanta relationship with a man that will just take off with some vaguereason of needing space and no agenda or time limit in mind. I wanta man that will never walk away. After reading a couple hundredarticles on the subject, I'm beginning to wonder if that's evenpossible to find. They keep insisting that all men need space andthat they all take it in their own ways. Women on the other handdon't really need space, they need to talk about their feelings andget reassurance. Of course, that actually makes sense to me. But,running away and hiding, while you wait for an epiphany makesabsolutely no sense to me whatsoever. Men!

I glance at my phone again, and it's blank,as usual. I blink back some tears that well up in my eyes. Myemotions are ping ponging around. I go from being pissed off tobeing sad to being hurt to being angry. It's all jumbled togetherand I don't like how I'm feeling. It