Jolt!, Phil Cooke [reading women txt] 📗

Even at the highest levels of business, control and manipulation are commonplace. Boards can manipulate CEOs, senior executives can manipulate staff members, and managers can manipulate employees.

That’s why you need to understand personal boundaries. We all have friends who tend to be domineering, overpowering, and sometimes obnoxious. It comes from a number of reasons—insecurity, powerlessness, a need to feel as if they’re in charge. Whatever the reason, you have to move ahead.

There are some cases where serious psychological and even pathological issues are involved. This sometimes happens in the case of abuse victims, whose lives are manipulated by the abuser to keep them isolated and away from other people. In other cases, I’ve encountered unhealthy relationships between mothers and sons, where mothers tend to influence their sons to an amazing extent far into adulthood, as if their sons have some type of weird spell cast over them. Those are serious problems that require serious help. If someone is violating your boundaries to that extent or you’re experiencing intense manipulation, I would urge you to seek professional advice and counseling.

Most people, on the other hand, just wrestle with people who refuse to honor their decisions and their individuality.

Early in my career, I briefly worked for a television producer who liked to dominate and control his employees. He would carry a gun in his briefcase to intimidate people and would humiliate and embarrass them in front of others at the studio.

I’ve seen others who used money and salaries to control workers, or used office perks to favor some and hurt others. Even in an age of political correctness, sexual manipulation still happens at the office.

Realize that having strong boundaries helps other people understand who we are.

When we learn to say no, we’re helping other people learn where to draw the line in dealing with us. How far they can go with jokes, social matters, romantic notions, appropriate behavior, and more. Although we’re often afraid we’ll hurt people’s feelings by drawing solid lines, we’re actually doing them a favor and saving them from embarrassment. It may be awkward and uncomfortable, but it’s nothing compared to the potential pain of having to confront them later. Just speak up. Let people know where your boundaries are and how to respect them.

» Boundaries are a critical key to taking ownership of our lives.

More than five hundred years before Christ, Greek philosopher Thales said, “Know thyself,” and his advice is just as important today. Knowing our strengths, weaknesses, gifts, talents, and abilities is an absolute in the journey of change.

Make it thy business to know thyself, which is the most difficult lesson in the world.

—MIGUEL DE CERVANTES, NOVELIST

I’m amazed at the number of people who fail in life because they haven’t examined their lives closely. They don’t know what makes them motivated, depressed, angry, or tired. They don’t know their limits or their stress points.

It’s similar to the red line on the speedometer of your car. We all have days and sometimes weeks when we’re in overdrive. But people who know their boundaries recognize when they kick into the red line, and they adjust accordingly.

They realize that within a short time, they must have a break or a vacation. But those who don’t understand their boundaries and limitations live in overdrive 24/7. They live in a perpetual state of stress, working too hard at the office, juggling too many activities with the kids, or overcommitting their time and resources. And before long, they begin to break down.

Worse, they allow others to exert far too much control over their lives.

Understand your boundaries. Know your limitations.

Personal boundaries are invisible, and unless you point them out, you’ll become invisible as well.

» JOLT #9

THE POWER OF FOCUS

Selective Thinking Is the Key to Breakthrough

A mind troubled by doubt cannot focus on the course to victory.

—ARTHUR GOLDEN, MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA

Focus 90% of your time on solutions

and only 10% of your time on problems.

—ANTHONY J. D’ANGELO, THE COLLEGE BLUE BOOK

We can’t talk about disruption without mentioning the advertising industry. Right now, advertising and marketing are experiencing a very challenging time, and change is happening on a daily basis. I know because I’m a cofounder of a production company that produced two Super Bowl commercials in 2008. At the time, broadcasting thirty-second spots during the Super Bowl cost $2.2 million each. That doesn’t even count the cost of producing the commercials, which can be in the $1 million-plus range for high-profile spots.

Why in the world do Super Bowl spots cost so much? The power of focus. When millions of people are focused with such intensity, thirty seconds is all you need to get your message across.

Major advertisers have long understood the power of focus. As a media consultant, I meet people all the time who tell me, “Television doesn’t affect me. I can watch for hours and it doesn’t have any impact at all.” I read recently that the average American watches more than four hours of television a night, and my experience indicates that it’s not so unusual for people (especially young people) to view up to seven hours of television and computer entertainment on a daily basis!

People may think it doesn’t have any impact, but most professionals like me beg to differ. Advertising agencies know that thirty-second commercials affect behavior, and they are willing to spend millions of dollars based on that belief. And if thirty seconds affects behavior, think of the impact four to seven hours a day can have.

The point? In television as in life, focus matters.

In the last ten years, “multitasking” has become all the rage. Doing multiple tasks at the same time has become the ultimate symbol of accomplishment. If you can write a book, make phone calls, keep your appointments, finalize the presentation, and solve an employee problem all at the same time, you’re considered a corporate genius in today’s economy.

I know, because I’ve become a master at multitasking. I’m sure it’s