Googol Boy and the peculiar incident of the Great Quiz Trophy, John Michael [white hot kiss txt] 📗

going to bore us to death with your foolish drivel?”

Savani could sure be annoying, it wasn’t only what she said but also the way she said it. She had a real knack for rubbing you the wrong way.

“It’s Barney okay!” I blurted out.

“You’ve picked Tweedledum?” gasped Savani as she let out a boisterous laugh. Her debating troupe joined in and they cackled and guffawed for a good five minutes. Finally, Savani was able to compose herself and she reverted back to her sourpuss expression.

“No seriously?” she retorted.

“Of course I’m serious,” I replied as I looked over to Barney for reassurance.

Barney’s face, however, looked like someone had smacked him with a sack of spuds. He then sidled up to me and whispered in my ear. “Are you crazy?”

“C’mon Barn! It’ll be fun!”

“Fun? Yeah about as much fun as using toilet paper made out of sandpaper.”

“Yes, it’ll be... Huh? What are you on about?”

“My Uncle Louie is a real cheapskate and buys low grade toilet paper and –”

“Eeew! Never mind that. Think of it as an adventure Barney... we’ll be like the three musketeers, all for one and one for all!”

“Huh? With my Uncle Louie?”

“Uncle Louie? What? The toilet paper guy? No!”

“But there are only two of us,” whimpered Barney.

“Whatever! We’ll be the two musketeers then!”

“Aw... I dunno.”

“Come on buddy! We’ve gotten through worse than this − look at how we managed to beat Corporal Punishment.”

“But that was all you... all I did was rip my shorts and everyone saw my underwear and –”

“Yes but you believed in me... and you gave me support.

“Well, I guess that’s true... I did help you a little.”

“And what’s the worst thing that could happen? No one expects us to win anyway!”

“The worst thing? Well how about Savani ridiculing and mocking us for the rest of our high school years?”

“Hmm... good point Barney but won’t she be doing that anyway?”

“Well I guess so... but I don’t want you thinking that I’m going to answer any questions or anything like that!”

“Don’t you worry Barney. I don’t see that happening.”

“You promise?”

“Yeah. I promise.”

“Okay... I guess I’ll do it,” responded Barney somewhat hesitantly.

We stopped whispering to each other and faced Savani and her gang.

“Ahem...can I borrow that bell please?”

The squat boy was somewhat reluctant to hand it over and I had to yank it out of his pudgy little mitt.

“Hear ye! Hear ye! Hear ye! After very careful consideration, I, Howard Milton Sootfell, have decided on my partner for the Great Quiz.”

I looked around at the group of debaters who, I must say, looked as enthused as a pack of brabbensacks being herded into a slaughterhouse.

“It was a very easy decision and in all honesty, there were no other worthy contenders as I refuse to work with anybody but my best friend and, hence, there could only be one winner.”

I could feel an uneasy tension in the crowd. Savani, in particular, looked like she was constipated but it was difficult to determine whether this was her usual face or not. Penelope was the only individual who seemed supportive as she offered a slight smile.

“Fellow students, I give you Barney....um, Barney...”

It was at that moment that I realised that I didn’t know Barney’s middle name.

“Um... just a moment everyone.”

I quickly turned to Barney and whispered, “What’s your middle name?”

“Huh?”

“Your middle name?”

“No!”

What do you mean no? Come on Barney! This is embarrassing!” I uttered through clenched teeth.

“Well... alright... ah... it’s... Cuthbert.”

“It’s what?”

“Cuthbert, okay!”

“Did you say Cuthbert?”

“Yes, that’s right − Cuthbert!”

I had never heard of any guy called Cuthbert before but this wasn’t the time nor the place to make fun of Barney... I was going to do that later.

“Yes alright. Got it. Thanks.”

I recomposed myself and continued with my speech.

“I give you Barney Cuthbert Barwick.”

There was some ill-mannered snickering from Savani’s group of debaters but I ignored them and forged ahead.

“Barney has an open mind, outstanding eating skills, tremendous ability in, um, tying his own shoelaces. He was born right here in Quockingpoll Flats, up the road at Quockingpoll Flats Hospital in fact. He has been exposed to literature, history and mathematics during class time, and he has often been able to sit in a chair behind a desk in class for extended periods and he has even received a ‘satisfactory attendance’ award at our school. Barney is somewhat fluent in English and has been presented with a ‘participation’ award numerous times. Furthermore, he has been the undefeated lunchtime klonkers champion two months running. Without further ado, I give you Barney Barwick!

Savani and her band of debaters all stood there stone-faced and the square-headed squat kid snatched his bell back from my hand.

Barney had a big smile on his face. “Thank you Howie... they were some of the nicest words anybody has ever said about me!”

Savani took a few steps forward and looked at both of us like we were something she had dug out from underneath her toenail.

“I am going to squish you like a bug Sootfell!” she vowed, spitting out each syllable with vigour.

Savani then turned to Barney. “And you... you I’m going to squish like a slug!” She then proceeded to stare at Barney... a cold unwavering stare. She was using psychological warfare and it was working. Barney began to blink excessively, then he started to sweat and, finally, he started to tug at his ear... perhaps there was still some food in there.

At that point in time I decided to step in and salvage Barney’s dignity. “Okay Savani... we get the message... bug and slug and lots of squishing.

“That’s right Sootfell! And don’t you forget it!”

“Don’t you worry Savani... we’ll be ready and waiting!”

“Today will be your day of reckoning Sootfell! The Great Quiz will separate the sheep from the goats, and you shall meet your doom! See you at 2pm in front of the Royal Pavilion and don’t be late!”

Savani cackled an evil laugh and then strutted back to her group with an air of victory in her stride, as if she