The Reed Security Relationship Manual: A Reed Security Romance, Giulia Lagomarsino [acx book reading .txt] 📗

your wife. I’m talking about fucking her so much and so hard that your little swimmers have a fighting chance. The baby goes down for a nap? You’d better have her on her back and screaming from orgasms. It’s bedtime and she’s exhausted? Don’t let her go to sleep. Make sure that your dick is firmly seated inside her before she’s asleep. Yes, she’ll be mad that she’s pregnant again, but in the end, she’s going to be overjoyed when that baby pops out.

3. By this point, she’s definitely going to be more on board with the whole baby situation. You shouldn’t have to fight to get her to have another baby. Maybe wait a tad longer than the last time. Still, if she fights you, fuck that insanity out of her.

4. Baby number four…not many men can achieve this feat. Not all men are cut out for four kids. But if you’re up for the challenge, you should be able to knock her up again. Here’s the thing…there is some trickery involved. You say that you’re getting a vasectomy, but you really don’t. Yes, I know that’s deceptive, but you have to ask yourself, how much do you want that baby?

5. Alright, this is where it gets tricky. She thinks you’ve had a vasectomy. Eventually, she’ll figure out that you really didn’t…right around the time she finds out she’s pregnant with number four. So, getting to number five is a little more difficult. She may withhold sex. She may fight you tooth and nail, but that just makes it all the more fun. Now, in order to achieve this fifth pregnancy, you’re going to have to stage an intervention. Now, I’m not talking about you gathering women around to convince her that she needs another kid. I’m talking about chasing her down and fucking her hard. Make sure that it’s soon after the last kid is born. She won’t be on birth control yet, and there’s a narrow window where you can get her pregnant. So…it’s not really an intervention.

6. So, the last pregnancy resulted in an Ultimate Frisbee Team…Congratulations. You’ve reached level ten on the douchebag husband scale. Well, that’s what she’ll think. You have seven kids. You should be grateful, but at this point, it’s almost like trying to see how many times you can get away with it. She thinks you’ve had another vasectomy. You went through all the motions. You have a witness. Hell, there’s nothing here for her to question. Now’s your chance to move in for one last kill. And trust me, it’s your last chance. You won’t be getting another. You may die before the baby is born, but if you have the balls to try, you have to take that chance.

Good luck and Godspeed.

Dating 101

How To Successfully Date Your Teammate’s Sister

Here’s the deal. Dating a friend’s sister is a little like calling a woman fat. You’re taking your life in your own hands with this one. No matter what your friend or teammate thinks of you as a person, you will never be good enough for his sister. Any extracurricular activities that were once funny are now heavily criticized. If you can withstand the inevitable anger and violence, you may have a shot. Don’t fuck it up with the sister after you have approval from the brother. Follow these tips to achieve success.

These first rules are things that should be avoided should he accidentally find out about you and his sister.

Do not answer the door half naked at her house.

Do not tell your friend it was just a night of fun.

Do not tell your friend all the dirty things his sister said to you.

Do not tell your friend that his sister has an amazing body.

Do not tell your friend that his sister has a magical pussy.

Do not admit to not knowing his sister’s name before you fucked her.

Do not tell your friend that his sister is old enough to decide who to fuck.

When questioned about fucking his other sisters, do NOT ask what they look like.

Do not admit that you didn’t actually talk before taking her home to fuck her.

Alright, now that we’ve covered the basics of what not to say once your teammate finds out about you and his sister, let’s move on to some other rules, once you’ve been taken to a random warehouse where he will eventually beat you to death if you say any of the following. None of these are acceptable answers.

If he asks you to explain why you were fucking his sister, do not answer that you didn’t know she was his sister. This leads to other questions, like “Did you screw the other sister too?” In which case, do not ask what she looks like. See above. It’s all written there.

If he asks if you knew she was married, do not respond with, “We didn’t exactly do a lot of talking.” By now, you’re well on your way to having your face smashed in.

Do not say that you were just going out to find some pussy. This is not an excuse when it comes to his sister. Again, this will earn you another punch to the face.

If he threatens you with a wedding chapel if you go near her again, don’t remind him that she’s already married.

Do not mention his sister fucking random dudes. He doesn’t want to think of his baby sister spreading her legs for anyone in a bar.

Now that you’ve had your first beatdown by your teammate, let’s go over ways to behave around him and others when also around his sister.

Do not stare at his sister in public until you have talked about the situation with your friend.

Choose your friends wisely until you have successfully transitioned into dating her. Make sure those friends will be loyal to you and not rat you out.

Understand that the rules that applied to other friends going after a woman will not apply to you.

Holding her kids in front of your teammate will