The Reed Security Relationship Manual: A Reed Security Romance, Giulia Lagomarsino [acx book reading .txt] 📗

“You’re just like your mother.” This is one that no man should ever say. Even if your wife loves her mother, there are always flaws, and when you say this, it’s pointing to the negative. And if you say this in a positive way, I’m going to question your relationship with your mother-in-law.

“It looks like you’ve put on a little weight.” I can think of only one or two instances in which this would be a good thing to say. If your wife is extremely ill and has lost way too much weight and is finally putting it back on. Again, you have to be careful how you say this. It should be followed up with, you look healthy, or something equally profound to let her know that you’re only concerned with her well-being and not her actual weight. Another reason you could say this is if she’s been kidnapped by a serial killer and has been starved for days and is rail thin. Has your wife been kidnapped? Then keep your damn mouth shut.

“Did you take your pills today?” Seriously, if you say this to your woman, it’s like asking to unleash a deadly virus on the world. Is she in a bad mood? Of course, but if you ask her about pills, you’re taking into account her mental stability, insinuating that she needs to be medicated in order to be normal. And if your wife DOES take pills for anxiety or any other mental disorder, well, run the other way. You’ve insulted her and she will most likely smother you in your sleep.

“Isn’t your chain getting a little too long?” Yes, we know you’re trying to be funny. She’s the little housewife and belongs in the kitchen. You’re frickin’ hilarious. You’re also the stupidest man on the planet. No sane man would ever suggest in this day and age that a woman’s place is in the kitchen. It’s Dinty Moore Beef Stew for you for many nights to come.

“Did you see how beautiful she was?” There are many variations of this one. Each one is an insult to your woman. Sure, they can ogle men all day long, but one look at another woman, and you’re in the dog house. If she asks who the most beautiful woman is that you’ve ever met, you know you’re in trouble. Never ever mention another woman’s looks. Anything you say can potentially be turned against you. “Did you see how fat she was?” Now you’re insulting another woman and she will most likely take offense to this as well. “Her thighs are too big.” And then she’ll ask if you’ll still love her if her thighs get that big. See? There is no simple, easy way out of this. Keep your mouth shut when it comes to another woman’s looks.

“Is the maid coming this week?” This is right up there with saying her chain is too long. Not only are you implying that she can’t handle the housework on her own, you’re also telling her she needs to get on it. Understand that while most men assume their wives sit around eating bonbons all day while they watch soap operas, you are never allowed to voice this to them. You have your life during the day, and the minute you start pointing out what she’s doing during the day is when she’ll start checking up on you at work. Do you really want her to see what you’re doing all day? Face it, guys, you really aren’t busy all day at work.

“Your ass is juicy.” There are many variations of this one. Just don’t go there. I know what you’re thinking. It’s a compliment. Men love a nice, big, juicy ass to grab onto. More cushion for pushin’. That’s what we all say…but that’s not the way they take it. Women are all about appearances, even when they think they aren’t. Under no circumstances should you ever tell a woman she has a big ass.

Firearm Protection

How To Find, Disarm, and Hide Your Woman’s Firearms

How To Find, Disarm, and Hide Your Woman’s Firearms

Women are dangerous creatures. You never really know what they’re thinking, and that puts you in a fragile position. She could walk in the house, completely pissed, and you’ll have no idea why. Now, there are several ways to handle this. Trust me, however you handle it, it’ll be the wrong way. There’s just no way to truly read a woman, but there are ways to diffuse the situation if you can find the subtle hints.

For the first part of this lesson, let’s cover the basics. First, there are two types of women. The first is fragile like a flower. This type of woman is more likely to start crying when she gets angry or sad. The second type of woman is fragile like a bomb. Now, here’s where you have to be really careful, because if you don’t hide those guns, you’ll end up with a grenade in your hand, sans pin. Trust me, I’ve been there and it’s not a good feeling.

The first type of woman is almost more deadly than the second. If you can’t handle the crying, you’re going to end up with the second woman in combination with the first. See, that’s where women get you. You think that you have them figured out, and then they change on a dime, and you’re dealing with an entirely new creature.

Okay, so, the real point of this first part is to basically tell you that you won’t find out what you did wrong with a crying woman. They don’t make sense, so don’t try to understand them. I know in previous chapters, we’ve given you ways to handle them, but basically, it’s all bullshit. If you don’t know how you fucked up, you’re screwed. Ride out the storm and move on with life. Sex is not recommended unless you want a cast