When The Light Falls - Book 3, N. Y. [good beach reads TXT] 📗

The glowing candles on the table flicker in the wind.

 

The cool sand beneath my feet dug around as I sat. He sits down across from me.

 

 

 

''So what do you think, about our last full day here? Was it fun?'' he asked.

 

''Yes, it was fun and worth the competition.'' I replied, grabbing a glass of white wine.

 

 

I held it up to my lips as I took a sip.

 

 

It was delicious, nothing i've never tasted before.

 

I wondered if he spent money just to get a good quality of it.

 

 

''I'm so glad competition is over, now we can relax. What do you want to do when we get back from Brazil?'' Jacob asks.

 

''I don't know, maybe we can discuss marriage some more.'' I replied setting down glass.

 

 

I look down to the plate with chocolate dessert on it. I smiled down at it before picking up my fork.

 

Jacob chuckled in response.

 

 

''Marriage? Didn't we already address it this week?'' he said with a smile.

 

''Yeah, but I want to go into full discussion on marriage. I mean we've been together for a long time right?'' I replied.

 

I took a huge bite of cake as I wait for him to answer.

 

 

''Don't you think it's a little too early right now? I mean we just started getting along again.'' he cuts in.

 

''What do you mean getting along again? We have since we started dating.'' I replied.

 

 

It kind ticked me off about the fact that he didn't think about marriage again.

 

We both want to be together and that also means we'll get married.

 

I just hope he's still on the same track.

 

 

''I know, but ever since-'' he started, then trailing off.

 

''Please don't bring up where I was last year, I was in a difficult position.'' I replied.

 

"You're not the only one in a difficult position last year." he exclaimed.

 

 

I set down my fork as my eyes set to the table again.

 

I didn't look back up at him again, I was determind to continue talking.

 

 

We both looked down, not saying another word.

 

 

''It just kind of hurts me to think that I was in a difficult position too." I say suddenly.

 

"I lost you for over a year and you did nothing to fix our relationship.'' Jacob finally says.

 

 

I finally look up at him with hurt eyes.

 

''What's that suppose to mean? I put effort into our relationship when I got back from jail. Like you did.'' I replied.

 

 

I sat up straight in the chair as I stared down Jacob.

 

I was angry at this point. I needed him to understand that i've been through a lot and we both need reassurance.

 

About our relationship.

 

 

''Yeah, but I made the first move. I made sure you were okay and asked if you missed me. You left us, all of us. Me and the gang.'' Jacob replies seriously.

 

 

''And I expect you to forgive me. This is the future. We need to let go, i'm still learning to let go.'' I replied quickly.

 

 

I sat back angrily in my chair, not saying anything for a while.

  

 

''You know, it just seems weird to me that we reconnect on this vacation and how weird it's going to be when we go back home, knowing we don't have someone interuppting us all the time. Summer is here, and we have to talk about-" he starts.

 

"Marriage some time soon.'' I interuppt.

 

 

 I reached my arms back over to my glass of wine and I took a big swing.

 

Jacob finally leaves his plate full of uneaten cake and sets down his fork.

 

He stands up and walks far off from the table.

 

 

He stares at the sun in the distance going down.

 

I cross my arms over my chest as U sat quietly at the table, waiting for him to say something.

 

He looks back with his hand covering his mouth.

 

 

''It's always about the future with you, why can't we just live in the present?'' Jacob says.

 

 

I get up on instinct, walking over to him.

 

''Because we are. The present is what's happening right now. We have to start thinking about the future, because also,...the future is now.'' I replied getting louder.

 

 

He sighs as I continue to look back at him. He didn't understand.

 

Girls have a tendency to see the future in most people and guys don't. They just seem to think about right now.

 

 

But we talked about this. We wanted kids and to get married. Now I really regret our new connection brought on by this vacation.

 

 

''Can we for once just not think about the future, can we focus on us.'' he replied silently.

 

''We've been focusing on us this whole time. But what about our future? Are we just gonna let it pass by without thinking, if we deserve a good future-'' I started.

 

 

''We do deserve a good future, together. But not everyone needs to plan for their future. Can't we just forget about it.'' he said back.

 

 

I shut up in utter awe. I've never seen him like this since our last big fight in Paris.

 

It;s the only thing keeping me from that thought of breaking things.

 

 

''Wow, you're gonna stand there and tell me to forget everything i've dreamed about. Jacob, I just got out of jail a while ago, I want to start a new future. I'm not done thinking about having a,...perfect future.'' I shot back.

 

 

Jacob lowers his head, then looks back up at me.

 

I walk slowly near him.

 

''While I was suffering, serving my time, I never thought about what my future was gonna be after I get out. I felt like I didn't deserve a good future after what I did.'' I said.

 

"But you got one." he says.

 

 

Jacob still continues to look at me.

 

''I've been at the moment when I wanted to forget what my future is going to be. But life gave me hope. I had a new plan for once.'' I replied softly.

 

 

''You always have a plan to fix everything.'' Jacob said.

 

 

I choke back on my words, I swallowed the lump in my throat.

 

Even the tone set by his words made me silent.

 

He didn't mean that. Right?

 

Was he actually being serious?

 

 

''I wanted to fix what I had lost and broken. Rhe world seemed to stop in time. It stayed frozen when I was gone. I am n trying to fix what I left behind.'' I said.

 

''Well you can't fix it.'' Jacob says raising his voice.

 

 

I felt tears begin to form, this wasn't Jacob.

 

It was nothing like him to say any of this to me.

 

 

''The past already holds what made you the person you are now. Everything's changed Elle, you can't fix it again. You made a choice in the past and took a risk for your life. You can't think about having a great future after what you've done.'' he replies.

 

 

I finally realized what he was saying. That most of my past and future is based on me.

 

How I felt and what I wanted to change, how it was effecting me now.

 

 

I tried to hold back on tears, but one just seemed to fall.

 

This was not at all what I wanted to think or talk about with Jacob. And it hurts.

 

 

''What happened to thinking 'no matter what people say i'm still going to be with Elle'. The one you fell in love with. Where are you now Jacob?'' I said.

 

 

A breif moment of silence passed as I saw the sky turn grey. The water crashes on the sand.

 

Wind blowing against our skin.

 

 

''What are you saying now? What's done in the past will stay in the past? But now we need to think about the future-''' I said.

 

 

''I...i, just don't want to talk about the future right now. It's too much.'' Jacob interuppts.

 

''So when are we gonna talk about the future, when Jacob?'' I replied with full tears in my eyes.

 

 

I let out a slight sob i've been trying to hold as I continued to look at him.

 

 

''Another time, just not now.'' Jacob says walking past me.

 

 

I turn around to face him as I watched him leave.

 

''The future is now, we can't escape it. We need a plan if we're going to be together!'' I yelled to him.

 

 

The wind picked up speed as I watch him walk ahead of me, heading back to the hotel.

 

Cloudy skies begin to form.

 

 

Thunder roared from above. I looked up to feel sprinkles of rain begin to form.

 

I look back over to Jacob.

 

 

''What are we going to do now?'' I replied softly.

 

He still continues to walk as I watched him. 

 

 

I begin to shake my head. This was not at all what I expected from Jacob.

 

I pushed my hands to my face as I wiped my tears before letting them down again.

  

 

''What happened to you?'' I said in a sob.

 

 

There's no reply or even a hesitation from Jacob, only the sounds of thunder and pattering rain falling down.

 

Rain slowly growing and eventually covering the sand.

 

 

I look up to the grey sky and rain pouring down, drenching my dress. My hair begans to ripple in the movement of the rain.

 

 

I was completely soaking wet, in the rain.

 

 

This wasn't the Jacob I knew, he wouldn't start an argument about the future just like that.

 

He wasn't himself.

 

I just want him to tell me what's wrong. Why he didn't believe that we could have a good future together.

 

 

But instead,  I cried softly on the beach.

 

Was he afraid that I wouldn't be happy if we didn't continue on together?

  

--

 

Everyone was enjoying dinner down as I starting packing my stuff u. Still no sign of Jacob anywhere. 

 

 

I don't know if i'll be able to talk to him without fighting. This relationship took a sudden turn I was afriad to think was happening.

 

 

It isn't always rainbows and sunshine in relationships, it's hard work. And i've never worked so hard to persuade Jacob into thinking we could be alright in the future.

 

 

 

The door clicks as I turn to see Rikki and Marybella enter in.

 

I tried to hide a sob as I continued to pack.

 

 

In the rain.

 

In the freezing rain, he left me there.

 

Thinking if we were gonna be alright.

 

 

I felt the dirty pit feeling you had when you know you can't make something right.

 

The feeling of despair and anger, the feeling of regret.

 

Denial.

 

 

The thought of thinking we'd be happy for once.

 

I cry softly as I lifted my big maroon sweater up to my eyes to wipe my tears again.

 

 

Maybe he ran away because he was scared of a huge commitment.

 

But I can make it alright, I can tell him commitment is just another word for the rest of your life.

 

 

I think he was more afraid of the future than I was.

 

 

My frustration turns to Rikki and Marybella with their worried faces fixed on me.

 

 

''Where have you been? We missed you at dinner. Be glad that their still serving, so get dressed.'' Rikki says.

 

 

The feeling of another voice in the room made me wallow in silence, I was upset.

 

I wasn't happy for once.

 

 

''Get up, why are you dressed like a mom?'' Marybella asked me, approaching Rikki's side.

 

 

It was safe for her to say that, I had on a big sweater and sweatpants.

 

I was dressed as if nothing mattered.

 

 

Then he comes into my mind again.

 

Jacob would have seen me as a mom. Marybella was my inspriation for being a mom soon.

 

 

''What if Jacob doesn't want a future with me?'' I said.

 

 

My thoughts turn upsetting as I began to cry again in greif. I ducked my head down as I slowly began to sob again.

 

 

Rikki and Marybella stood in silence watching me. I sniff and try to remember why i'm here.

 

 

''Come on Elle, get up, why are you sad?'' Rikki says sitting up on the bed near me.

 

I whine into my sweater again. I didn't want to tell anyone.

 

 

''Elle, what happened? We saw Jacob leave with his things from the hotel.'' Marybella said.

 

My head pops up at the end of her words.

 

 

''What, he left?'' I asked.

 

 

My last few tears stopped forming as i'm alert to hear her words again.

 

I sat up at attention, this brought pure shock to me.

 

I was too busy thinking he wouldn't want to talk anymore.

 

 

''What do you mean he left? We just talked earlier.'' I said.

 

''Yeah, I tried stopping him but he said he didn't want to talk about it. Something off about Jacob i've never seen before.'' Rikki replied.

 

 

''Wasn't Jacob with you on the beach?'' Marybella adds.

 

''We got in a huge fight and