Love Comes Knocking, Kathy Cakebread [top novels of all time txt] 📗

need some serious therapy and I know exactly the place.” Jose paused slightly, a mysterious smile appearing on his lips.

“Where is this place? Where are we going?” Ben demanded.
“It’s auction night at the Wackodollars it’s going to be a blast!”
“Auction night? What? How?”
“A man gets auctioned off a night to a unlimited number of women, however many want to have him basically. The main purpose is you get to have some sort of courtship with these women and one of them has got to turn out good! Don’t I come up with great ideas!?” Jose grinned.
“Oh yeah, you should be a philosopher.” Ben said dryly.
A middle-aged lady met arriving backstage the duo, she looked at Jose then glanced curiously at Ben.
“So gentlemen, is this polite, strong looking man our auction for tonight?”
“Sure is.” Jose grinned, slapping Ben on the back.
“What’s his name?” she said, addressing Ben as if he was a child.
“Ben Dover.” Jose said boldly.
The lady stared hard at Ben, her eyes roving his
“I just hope he’s good with his hands.” The lady muttered, walking off.
Ben gulped; these women sure seemed forward. Why did Jose have to drag him into this?


As the cue to go onstage grew nearer Ben could feel his heart slowly begin to gain pace. He could just imagine what it would be like out there: the audience used to a load of bronzed, toned baby oiled hunks will be welcomed to an excessively large slab of reality. Before he knew it Jose was ushering him out onto the stage, the host excitedly announcing Ben’s arrival. Ben gulped anxiously. Staring back at him from the audience were around 10 rows of women…old women. Now these ladies certainly weren’t what he expected to be sharpening the knife on a daily basis. Hoping the ladies were all wolves in sheep’s clothing and would suddenly burst into a whirlwind of young skin and modern clothes Ben waited in anticipation. Suddenly the prop assistant ran on stage with a vacuum cleaner, plugging it in quickly they handed the object over to Ben.
“Right ladies, Ben will now demonstrate how good he is with his sucking skills.”
Ben’s mouth dropped open in a large oval shape. Who would have thought it hey, what these old ladies hide under their bingo and knitting routines? Stuck to the spot through shock Ben just gaped at the host.
“Come on now Ben darling get on with your sucking.”
He obeyed immediately and picking up the vacuum put his mouth to the nozzle – and lo and bygone he started sucking in what became a close competition with the vacuum winning.

The host and audience were mortified and stared at Ben as if he was something that had escaped straight out of an asylum.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing!?” the host yelled.
Ben put down the vacuum and rubbed his now throbbing lip.
“I was doing what you told me to do… sucking…” the realisation slowly dawned on him.
“I meant suck the dust off the floor you nincompoop! What sort of sick sex show do you think this is?!” the host screamed.
“So this wasn’t an auction for hungry young females who wanted a date…?”
“No… this was a auction for ladies who wanted a helping hand in their cleaning NOT THEIR KNICKERS!”
Ben suddenly felt very humiliated, and he knew who was right at the foot of the blame - JOSE!
Just as he went to walk off stage Jose came running breathlessly through the side exit.
“Ben, Ben, we got the wrong place… it’s the Wallodollars not the Wackodollars.”
“You’re telling me.” Ben hissed slowly.

Sensing a hostile aura Ben knew he had to leave. Turning his back on Jose he stormed towards the exit.
“Ben, wait up!” Jose shouted.
Ben carried on walking.
“Come on Ben you know I didn’t do it on purpose!”
“Do you know how humiliated I feel?!” Ben said without stopping.
Jose sighed.
“I made a mistake yeah, and I’m sorry. Why can’t you see the funny side of it? Where’s the old Ben gone?” Jose asked sadly.
Finally Ben stopped. His shoulders slumped and his face fell.
“I’m just so lonely Jose, everyone thinks I’m some sort of joke and for once I want to be taken seriously. Just because I’m big doesn’t mean I don’t want a girlfriend, a family. Why wont anyone give me a chance?!”
Joes’s eyes widened as he saw his usually strong and defiant friend’s face transform into one of wretched misery.
“Why won’t anyone take me seriously Jose? Why?” Ben said once more, his eyes full of sadness.

Hating the sight of his best friend looking so sad Jose pulled Ben into his arms. He had to think of some way to get Ben a girlfriend, one who would respect Ben for who he was. But how? His last idea went down the pan and Ben was unlikely to go to another charity auction in a hurry. Then as if a light had gone on in his head Jose got an idea. Joining a gym! Girls aplenty were bound to be working out, getting in a sweat and looking for men in Lycra surely?
“Hey Ben I’ve got an idea!” Jose said brightly.
Ben pulled away wiping his eyes on his sleeve.
“Another bright idea?” he sneered.
Jose smiled.
“This is a really, really good idea to get a girl.”
“Enlighten me.”
“Well let’s join a gym!”
Ben’s mouth dropped into a large oval and Jose realised the implication of what he’d said.
“Oh I’ve done it again haven’t I?” Jose realised upon seeing Ben’s mortified face.
“I know I’m fat Jose but no need to rub it in! Jesus is that all you’ve got to say lose weight and you’ll get a girl, is that it? No ladies for you at your size hey Ben. You’re just a fat, ugly loser with no hopes!” Ben yelled.
Wishing the ground would swallow him up Jose grimaced. He had to put this right, somehow.
“You know I would never think that Ben, okay sure you would probably do better if you lost a few pounds but...”
“Oh I knew it! I thought maybe you didn’t mean what you said but hey that just confirmed it!”

Turning on his heels Ben went to leave. Grabbing his shoulder Jose pulled him back. The pair stared at each other, Ben’s eyes full of hurt and Jose’s apologetic.
“No! God why do you keep getting the wrong idea?? Look, like I said your chances would increase if you were slimmer but I wanted you to join a gym because girls are there, lots of them!”
Ben’s face softened.
“Really?” he said quietly.
“Yes! I just want you to be happy Ben that’s all.”
“Maybe I could lose a few pounds while I’m there too…” Ben said.
“Whatever makes you happy.” Jose laughed.
Unbeknown to Ben Jose’s fingers were firmly crossed behind his back.


6. Gym will fix it

A bold, red banner illuminated the gym’s entrance, immediately introducing itself as Big Bob’s Bionic Gym – the one for big biceps, big brains and big packages.
“So Ben, big I mean old chap you ready to meet some ladies?” Jose asked chirpily.
Ben turned away from the gym’s name and turned to face Jose.
“What’s with the name?” Ben enquired.
“What name?”
“The gyms name of course.”
Jose glanced up at the banner, unfazed by what he saw he turned back to Ben.
“Oh that.”
“Yes that…?”
“You mean the big packages thing?”
Ben nodded.
“Well duh.” He continued.
“Don’t worry Ben even you qualify for this one.” Jose laughed.
Ben stood motionless for a second not quite aware of Jose’s meaning. Was Jose insulting him? Confused he hurried to catch up with his friend.

The interior of the lobby was extremely well lit and had a strong smell of chlorine that stung the nose like an angry wasp stings its foes. Ben glanced around taking in the interior fixtures. Two female clerks, both sat in identical positions with identical bored expressions engraved in their features manned a reception area. One slowly filed her nails whilst the other stared into space. Working in a gym must be such a riveting occupation Ben thought dryly. Aside from Ben and Jose there were little customers, obviously the result of the girls apparent boredom. Still at least they wouldn’t have to queue, Ben thought brightly.
“Hey Ben I’ve already got a membership here so I’m just going to get prepped while you register, is that okay?” Jose asked.
“Yeah sure, go on. Just come back here when you’re ready.”
“Sure thing, see you in a minute.” Jose grinned, walking off in the direction of the opposite door.
Following Jose’s leave Ben reverted back to his analysis of the gym’s lobby. By now only one receptionist remained and still she maintained that constant, steely gaze of nothingness. Guessing the other clerk had gone to check out things in the back Ben felt fairly confident in approaching the counter; he smiled waiting for a response. He didn’t get one.

Unaware of whether the remaining receptionist was rude or just damn right stupid Ben waited a few minutes more. Still receiving no response Ben began to get angry. Waving his hand in the girls face he couldn’t understand why she didn’t even flinch – blink – move even… what was wrong with her? Did she have some sort of muscle paralysis?
“Hello anybody in there?!?” Ben shouted.
Once more all Ben heard was the echo of his own voice. Sustaining her eerie, steady and overbearing gaze the clerk’s stare blared at Ben instantly sending a shiver of anxiety down his spine. He couldn’t help but notice how awfully unnerving her look was – it was like she had been framed or something. His eyes searched desperately for the other receptionist but found nothing, nothing but this poor excuse of a receptionist - what ever happened to customer service? Frustrated Ben tapped robustly on the girls arm and to his shock her body seemed to tip over, falling heavily to the floor.
“Dear god, all I did was tap her!” Ben exclaimed through his shock as the other clerk finally came rushing in.

Rushing to see the commotion in the lobby, Lola, the vacant receptionist, appeared again. As she approached the doorway her eyes locked on Ben’s desperate, uneasy figure. His eyes roamed anxiously whilst portraying an emotion of deep despair. Glancing away from Ben her eyes fell on her companion – the customer service cardboard dummy. Oh dear – another day, another sucker. How many more people were going to think dear old Susie Service was real? Surely that scary scare should ring some bells in people’s minds. Glancing back at Ben’s frantic face she changed her mind – obviously not.
“Oh no you killed her!” Lola exclaimed.
Ben gasped; it was only then that he’d noticed the second receptionist had returned.

Up close she certainly seemed more attractive then far away. Her eyes, framed by lashings of mascara, were a deep sea blue, her nose a mere button, her mouth a crescent of smooth, unmarked skin. Tiny freckles were scattered on the base of her nose and extended onto her cheeks. Her blonde, layered hair fell loosely around her shoulders, as Ben watched she automatically tucked several hairs behind her ears.
“Yep, she’s a goner. In fact…” reaching down she gathered up the dropped leaflets that were once sat neatly in Susie Service’s deposit tray.
“Here’s her lifeline now.” Lola laughed as