Garry Potter And The Same Old Nonsense, David Backhim [the mitten read aloud txt] 📗
- Author: David Backhim
Book online «Garry Potter And The Same Old Nonsense, David Backhim [the mitten read aloud txt] 📗». Author David Backhim
Just take the man. Show him no mercy.” I must confess that as an unwanted person, I envy Bin Laden for being such a wanted and much sought after man.
Apparently, Osama Bin Laden is held responsible in absentia for the 9/11 massacre in the United States. Put simply, Bin Laden was basically the travel agent who arranged for the flights into the World Trade Center. However, if you went on holiday and the pilot crashed the aeroplane, who would you blame: the pilot or the travel agent? Personally, I would be having it out with the pilot for careless driving. I would not be storming round to the travel agents to complain.
I actually feel quite sorry for any young Muslim who genuinely wanted to pursue a career as an aeroplane pilot. Their chances of securing such a position since September 2001 must rest somewhere between nil and zero. Can you imagine a job interview where a Muslim male waits to be quizzed about his application. He passes the time by pulling out a copy of the Koran and starts reading it. Then suddenly he is called for his interview and he absent-mindedly walks into the interview with the Koran in his hand. Oh dear, I don’t think he’s going to be short-listed, do you?!
So why has Osama Bin Laden never been apprehended then? Well, there are two main reasons. Firstly, he is being hunted by American ‘intelligence’ forces. He’s perfectly safe then. Secondly, think about it: what happens when you go on the run? Let me explain. You don’t just pop back to your abode and pack your belongings. No, in your desperate desire to go into hiding immediately, you simply don’t have the opportunity or time to collect such essentials as deodorant, a clean pair of boxer shorts, a fresh pair of socks, nor after shave, nor shower gel, nor the shower itself. As a consequence, Osama Bin Laden went into hiding with no toiletries or change of clothes. The guy obviously stinks. His cave must be filthy and rotten in the extreme. Thus when the intelligent American intelligence come near Bin Laden’s cave, they exclaim that “there is absolutely no way we’re going near that cave over there. There is a foul stench coming from it.” So, if you’re looking for old Bin Lid, the misunderstood travel agent, his cave is the dwelling with the unbearable odour.
THE MIDDLE-EAST: A CULTURE OF BRUTALITY?
I have just completed my reading of Robert Fisk’s epic study of the Middle East, entitled ‘The Great War For Civilisation’. The publication was a real eye-opener on a host of subjects, not least Mr Fisk’s revelation of the twentieth century’s first (secret) holocaust – the ethnic cleansing of Armenian Christians by the Turks. Mr Fisk also graphically recounts the deadly consequences of the ‘civilised’ west’s pernicious use of depleted uranium shells against Iraq, resulting in innumerable child deaths from cancer in a country where healthcare provision was drastically undermined by the impact of economic sanctions.. The agonising suffering of these innocent infants doesn’t get reported on the front page of British tabloids because these wretched children are not middle-class, blue-eyed white girls. Fisk’s book also reinforced my sympathy for the dispossessed Palestinian people at the mercy of the merciless Israeli occupation. However, more than anything, I came to the realisation that the Middle East, both Muslim and Jew (not to mention ‘Christian’) is an area afflicted by a widespread culture of barbarity and violence.
Take Iran for instance. I grew up in the mistaken belief that the 1978 revolution ushered in a period of repression, only to discover that life under the Shah was no more pleasant for police detainees than it would be during the reign of the Shi’ite extremists. If Iran has been devoid of human rights for more decades than the west cares to admit, then the picture in neighbouring Iraq is even more grim. There, anyone who suffered arrest would brace themselves for the likelihood of an early death, or merely painful torture if they were particularly fortunate. Fisk writes of one interrogation centre where pedestrians were not permitted to walk on the pavement outside, in case they should hear the screaming of the internees held within. For all their alleged devotion to Allah, I am overwhelmed by the intense pain and suffering that Muslims actually inflict on each other! So much for brotherly love and fellowship.
This brings me on to something else. Whatever regime one cares to mention, one finds the Middle East is weighed down by a plethora of violent organisations determined to wage a war of insurgency, and frequently on each other. Such is the sense of disunity among the Muslim peoples that off the top of my head I could list such fearsome phenomena as Al Qaeda, the Taleban, the Mujahideen, the PLO, Fa’ata, Hamas, Hizbollah, Islamic Jihad, and then throw into the melting pot such diverse groups as the Sunnis, the Shias, the Kurds, the Jews, not to mention the Americans, the British, and previously the Russians, and one has an almighty political volcano.
Of course there are many followers of Islam who are perfectly peaceful men and women, but I cannot help but draw the conclusion that that the Arab-dominated (or American-dominated?) Middle East is a region awash with brutality and violence. If I was to climb onto a stool in the centre of Baghdad or Beirut and repeat this remark, the likely reaction of the locals would almost certainly confirm my worst fears.
THE ALL BLACKS
A dear friend of mine once participated in a rugby tour of South Africa and recalled how on one occasion his team played against an opposition that was composed entirely of coloured men. “Were they the All Blacks?” I quipped. Well folks, at least I think it was funny. Actually, the purpose of this item is not to pay tribute to the fearsome also-rans of rugby union that hail from New Zealand, but to draw attention to the multitude of young women who frustratingly choose to adorn themselves in all black outfits.
From bitter personal experience, it seems that many women all too predictably opt to wear all black on a date. What’s that all about? I have been reliably informed by my dearest sibling that black is worn by females who are insecure about their figure. I recently dated a woman who wore a black top and black trousers, and lo and behold three weeks later I met another female who wore an uncannily similar drab-coloured outfit. Is it my imagination or does the same black clothes get circulated on demand from one woman to another? It’s hugely ironic that after years of complaining about school uniform, young adult females find themselves dressed in another uniform. In fact there is scarcely anything more uniform in the real sense of the word than scores of young women in black clothes. Sorry ladies, but black clothes are not gothic chic, or symbolic of cool and glamour. They are funeral wear and represent a lack of creative thinking or individuality. At best, black suits can be confined to dressing formally for the office or black dresses for a formal, but black tops and trousers are otherwise run-of-the-mill. Worse still, what greater indictment is there for the lack of fashion sense in modern young women than to find more men dressed in a variety of colours than women who all wear the same dreadful colour.
Call me old-fashioned but shouldn’t one expect women to wear brighter colour clothes than men? I want women to be women and look like women. All black outfits are either intended to mask a poor figure or are half-baked macho chic, as one might expect in a spaghetti western. I would like to see women wearing skirts and flip-flops in the summer and skirts with boots in colder weather. Women wearing black trousers is the equivalent of a man wearing a pink skirt. Let women be women and men remain as men, instead of the revisionist thinking that straddles the accepted norms of what constitutes fashion. Oh how sexist you are, I can hear the bra-burners scream. Well, when I see a woman dressed in the ritual black, I exclaim “Oh no, not again.” Sorry folks, but a lady in a black outfit is just Johnny Cash with tits.
THE FRUSTRATIONS OF FLIRTING WITH FLOOZY FEMME FATALES
I do so loathe the F-words. No not fornication, but in particular the words ‘fun’ and ‘friendship’. If you have been foolish enough like me to waste many hours trawling through internet dating, you will find many young women and men who seek ‘fun’. Well, ultimately we all want to have fun, and even the most boring people are capable of engaging in fun. However in the context of dating adverts, ‘fun’ is just a euphemism for another three-letter word. Yes folks, you’ve guessed it. Anyone seeking fun is merely desiring sex. I find this contemptible because a person requesting ‘fun’ is really stating that ‘I am not equipped to cope with the fluctuating fortunes of an adult relationship, but I am a cheap whore.’ Sorry ladies, but anyone looking for ‘fun’ might as well wear a tee-shirt with the words ‘I am an irresponsible slag’. Speaking of which, apparently the Islamic extremists choose to bomb night clubs because they are appalled at young female women degrading themselves by dancing around drunk and scantily clad like glorified prostitutes. Do you know what? The Islamic extremists have my sympathies.
Then there is an even more frightening F-word. It’s called ‘friendship’. For me, friendship with a female is just a relationship without the intimacy or a pretend relationship where I am subjected to my female friend pouring out her heart about her boyfriend troubles while I am confined to the role of a eunuch. I personally find a female’s request for a friendship to be deeply insulting. It is akin to declaring that ‘I like you, but in a non-sexual way, because I don’t find you physically attractive, although I would dearly like to use you as someone whom I can burden my problems on.’ Oh yes, I need that situation like I need a hole in the head. It is quite true that young women and men cannot be friends because one tends to desire the other. A friendship is just a virtual relationship which has ‘virtually’ no appeal to this friendless fool. I do actually subscribe to the lyrics of that personable John Lydon who once sang about friendship ‘rearing its ugly head’. As I said, I cannot stand the F-words, and perhaps the most frightening F-word of all is females!
HALF A PERSON
It was no accident that God gave Adam a female companion to assist him. Call me old-fashioned but I think that we all need a partner to support us through the struggles of life. In a relationship
Apparently, Osama Bin Laden is held responsible in absentia for the 9/11 massacre in the United States. Put simply, Bin Laden was basically the travel agent who arranged for the flights into the World Trade Center. However, if you went on holiday and the pilot crashed the aeroplane, who would you blame: the pilot or the travel agent? Personally, I would be having it out with the pilot for careless driving. I would not be storming round to the travel agents to complain.
I actually feel quite sorry for any young Muslim who genuinely wanted to pursue a career as an aeroplane pilot. Their chances of securing such a position since September 2001 must rest somewhere between nil and zero. Can you imagine a job interview where a Muslim male waits to be quizzed about his application. He passes the time by pulling out a copy of the Koran and starts reading it. Then suddenly he is called for his interview and he absent-mindedly walks into the interview with the Koran in his hand. Oh dear, I don’t think he’s going to be short-listed, do you?!
So why has Osama Bin Laden never been apprehended then? Well, there are two main reasons. Firstly, he is being hunted by American ‘intelligence’ forces. He’s perfectly safe then. Secondly, think about it: what happens when you go on the run? Let me explain. You don’t just pop back to your abode and pack your belongings. No, in your desperate desire to go into hiding immediately, you simply don’t have the opportunity or time to collect such essentials as deodorant, a clean pair of boxer shorts, a fresh pair of socks, nor after shave, nor shower gel, nor the shower itself. As a consequence, Osama Bin Laden went into hiding with no toiletries or change of clothes. The guy obviously stinks. His cave must be filthy and rotten in the extreme. Thus when the intelligent American intelligence come near Bin Laden’s cave, they exclaim that “there is absolutely no way we’re going near that cave over there. There is a foul stench coming from it.” So, if you’re looking for old Bin Lid, the misunderstood travel agent, his cave is the dwelling with the unbearable odour.
THE MIDDLE-EAST: A CULTURE OF BRUTALITY?
I have just completed my reading of Robert Fisk’s epic study of the Middle East, entitled ‘The Great War For Civilisation’. The publication was a real eye-opener on a host of subjects, not least Mr Fisk’s revelation of the twentieth century’s first (secret) holocaust – the ethnic cleansing of Armenian Christians by the Turks. Mr Fisk also graphically recounts the deadly consequences of the ‘civilised’ west’s pernicious use of depleted uranium shells against Iraq, resulting in innumerable child deaths from cancer in a country where healthcare provision was drastically undermined by the impact of economic sanctions.. The agonising suffering of these innocent infants doesn’t get reported on the front page of British tabloids because these wretched children are not middle-class, blue-eyed white girls. Fisk’s book also reinforced my sympathy for the dispossessed Palestinian people at the mercy of the merciless Israeli occupation. However, more than anything, I came to the realisation that the Middle East, both Muslim and Jew (not to mention ‘Christian’) is an area afflicted by a widespread culture of barbarity and violence.
Take Iran for instance. I grew up in the mistaken belief that the 1978 revolution ushered in a period of repression, only to discover that life under the Shah was no more pleasant for police detainees than it would be during the reign of the Shi’ite extremists. If Iran has been devoid of human rights for more decades than the west cares to admit, then the picture in neighbouring Iraq is even more grim. There, anyone who suffered arrest would brace themselves for the likelihood of an early death, or merely painful torture if they were particularly fortunate. Fisk writes of one interrogation centre where pedestrians were not permitted to walk on the pavement outside, in case they should hear the screaming of the internees held within. For all their alleged devotion to Allah, I am overwhelmed by the intense pain and suffering that Muslims actually inflict on each other! So much for brotherly love and fellowship.
This brings me on to something else. Whatever regime one cares to mention, one finds the Middle East is weighed down by a plethora of violent organisations determined to wage a war of insurgency, and frequently on each other. Such is the sense of disunity among the Muslim peoples that off the top of my head I could list such fearsome phenomena as Al Qaeda, the Taleban, the Mujahideen, the PLO, Fa’ata, Hamas, Hizbollah, Islamic Jihad, and then throw into the melting pot such diverse groups as the Sunnis, the Shias, the Kurds, the Jews, not to mention the Americans, the British, and previously the Russians, and one has an almighty political volcano.
Of course there are many followers of Islam who are perfectly peaceful men and women, but I cannot help but draw the conclusion that that the Arab-dominated (or American-dominated?) Middle East is a region awash with brutality and violence. If I was to climb onto a stool in the centre of Baghdad or Beirut and repeat this remark, the likely reaction of the locals would almost certainly confirm my worst fears.
THE ALL BLACKS
A dear friend of mine once participated in a rugby tour of South Africa and recalled how on one occasion his team played against an opposition that was composed entirely of coloured men. “Were they the All Blacks?” I quipped. Well folks, at least I think it was funny. Actually, the purpose of this item is not to pay tribute to the fearsome also-rans of rugby union that hail from New Zealand, but to draw attention to the multitude of young women who frustratingly choose to adorn themselves in all black outfits.
From bitter personal experience, it seems that many women all too predictably opt to wear all black on a date. What’s that all about? I have been reliably informed by my dearest sibling that black is worn by females who are insecure about their figure. I recently dated a woman who wore a black top and black trousers, and lo and behold three weeks later I met another female who wore an uncannily similar drab-coloured outfit. Is it my imagination or does the same black clothes get circulated on demand from one woman to another? It’s hugely ironic that after years of complaining about school uniform, young adult females find themselves dressed in another uniform. In fact there is scarcely anything more uniform in the real sense of the word than scores of young women in black clothes. Sorry ladies, but black clothes are not gothic chic, or symbolic of cool and glamour. They are funeral wear and represent a lack of creative thinking or individuality. At best, black suits can be confined to dressing formally for the office or black dresses for a formal, but black tops and trousers are otherwise run-of-the-mill. Worse still, what greater indictment is there for the lack of fashion sense in modern young women than to find more men dressed in a variety of colours than women who all wear the same dreadful colour.
Call me old-fashioned but shouldn’t one expect women to wear brighter colour clothes than men? I want women to be women and look like women. All black outfits are either intended to mask a poor figure or are half-baked macho chic, as one might expect in a spaghetti western. I would like to see women wearing skirts and flip-flops in the summer and skirts with boots in colder weather. Women wearing black trousers is the equivalent of a man wearing a pink skirt. Let women be women and men remain as men, instead of the revisionist thinking that straddles the accepted norms of what constitutes fashion. Oh how sexist you are, I can hear the bra-burners scream. Well, when I see a woman dressed in the ritual black, I exclaim “Oh no, not again.” Sorry folks, but a lady in a black outfit is just Johnny Cash with tits.
THE FRUSTRATIONS OF FLIRTING WITH FLOOZY FEMME FATALES
I do so loathe the F-words. No not fornication, but in particular the words ‘fun’ and ‘friendship’. If you have been foolish enough like me to waste many hours trawling through internet dating, you will find many young women and men who seek ‘fun’. Well, ultimately we all want to have fun, and even the most boring people are capable of engaging in fun. However in the context of dating adverts, ‘fun’ is just a euphemism for another three-letter word. Yes folks, you’ve guessed it. Anyone seeking fun is merely desiring sex. I find this contemptible because a person requesting ‘fun’ is really stating that ‘I am not equipped to cope with the fluctuating fortunes of an adult relationship, but I am a cheap whore.’ Sorry ladies, but anyone looking for ‘fun’ might as well wear a tee-shirt with the words ‘I am an irresponsible slag’. Speaking of which, apparently the Islamic extremists choose to bomb night clubs because they are appalled at young female women degrading themselves by dancing around drunk and scantily clad like glorified prostitutes. Do you know what? The Islamic extremists have my sympathies.
Then there is an even more frightening F-word. It’s called ‘friendship’. For me, friendship with a female is just a relationship without the intimacy or a pretend relationship where I am subjected to my female friend pouring out her heart about her boyfriend troubles while I am confined to the role of a eunuch. I personally find a female’s request for a friendship to be deeply insulting. It is akin to declaring that ‘I like you, but in a non-sexual way, because I don’t find you physically attractive, although I would dearly like to use you as someone whom I can burden my problems on.’ Oh yes, I need that situation like I need a hole in the head. It is quite true that young women and men cannot be friends because one tends to desire the other. A friendship is just a virtual relationship which has ‘virtually’ no appeal to this friendless fool. I do actually subscribe to the lyrics of that personable John Lydon who once sang about friendship ‘rearing its ugly head’. As I said, I cannot stand the F-words, and perhaps the most frightening F-word of all is females!
HALF A PERSON
It was no accident that God gave Adam a female companion to assist him. Call me old-fashioned but I think that we all need a partner to support us through the struggles of life. In a relationship
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