Kerplunk - It's Over!!, A.W., H.R. and Our Girlfriends [best biographies to read txt] 📗

in alcohol or anything else. You know better!

Learn from your past and use it to rebuild your future.
Now it’s your turn to finally build the life you have been dreaming of. Getting past this first hurdle of divorce is like Dorothy’s first few steps on that yellow brick road. You’ll take short steps at first, as you gaze at the changing landscape around you. Then before you know it you’ll be skipping along that path with a smile on your face and a song in your heart. We’ll be waiting for you in Oz!
Follow this girlfriend’s advice and you will never make the same mistake again.
“It is very important to set appropriate personal boundaries with your husband, family, girlfriends, anybody.” We do NOT have A RIGHT to treat one another with cruelty. Be willing to set a healthy boundary at the risk of losing a friend for your own well-being, safety and for your kids. Some of your friends will not like you for setting up healthy boundaries. I guess they are not your friends after all. Huh?” – Marcy, 33
“I have learned so much! I am smarter. Keep going, take care of yourself, do your hobbies, cook for yourself, get together with friends – no matter how hard or exhausted you may be.” – Alyssa, 36
“What I remember most are the few days I got out, I taught fitness classes, I met with friends for dinner, enjoyed movies on the couch with my BFFS – the dark stuff is a blur now. It’s in the past. What I remember are my true and wonderful friends!” – Maggie, 43
“I don't know if divorce is ever easy, especially when there are children involved. I do believe that good can come out of any situation. I am grateful that I know my Ex's parents because they have been a wonderful part of our lives. I am also grateful that I was blessed to have a wonderful child that is wise beyond his years. So I guess, I would do it all again. That sounds stupid, but I would have missed out on a lot of great blessings, so much more to mention.” – Rhonda. 49
Wow! There you have it! You have just read some incredibly powerful wisdom from our girlfriends! We know the path you are on is a hard one (that is an understatement). We know you feel miserable right now, your stomach sour with the decisions you face. But you can do it. Take just a few of these "lessons learned” with you and you will begin to feel better, more positive and more empowered. Remember, it is your decision to choose what step will be next, and isn't that exciting? We know what a strong woman you are–even stronger since you first began reading this book. Harness the all the power and energy and wisdom you now possess. Listen to your heart and make your decision. If it means closing this chapter of your life, we know you can do it. The rest of your story is just waiting to be written and we know it will have a happy ending!
….whew….




Chapter 11 Checklist: Parting Wisdom – Hindsight really is 20/20

___ Review the list of Barriers to Leaving Your Partner. We know you are filled with anxiety. Make a list of things you can do to overcome your personal barriers.
___ List the top 3 examples of Parting Wisdom from our girlfriends’ that helped you the most:
1)_________________________________________________
2)_________________________________________________
3)_________________________________________________
___ Reward yourself for proactively researching the unknown, depressing, scary and tactical world of divorce. We suggest an invigorating walk, try a new hobby or take a class.
___ Suggested Reading: Our culture does not teach women to value themselves. Women are not taught self-approval and self-respect. We love you! Love yourself! If you are really stuck here, please pick up a copy of What You Think of Me Is None of My Business by Terry Cole-Whittaker. Check out the chapter, “The Power of Making a Decision” and watch for lots of light bulbs that go on in your noggin!
The Nine Rooms of Happiness: Loving Yourself, Finding Your Purpose and getting over Life’s Little Imperfections, Lucy Danizger & Catherine Birndorf, M.D.


CHAPTER 12
Reflections on our old life – Coming Full Circle
When we say full circle, we really mean full circle! Living through a separation and divorce (and criminal trial) it sometimes felt as if we were on a traffic circle, a roundabout, a Ferris wheel, or a merry-go-round. No matter how hard we screamed, we could not get off. We just had to simply ride it out as best we could and hold fast to the knowledge that one day it would all be over.
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Thankfully living in the present
It is a bright sunny morning and we’re driving on the highway, Starbucks coffee in hand, singing along to songs on the radio. We are happy. No, I mean honestly happy! We’re looking at the flowers that just began to bloom along the highway, the leaves in bud and the flowering trees exploding with color. Everywhere we look – beautiful violets, reds, whites, and pinks.
Mile after mile, we are soaking it all in – and then it hit us! Wham! Three years ago we could not see the colors and beauty of Spring from the dark hole existed in everyday. The world was monochromatic. Your eyes see nothing but gray when you are in the middle of a painful, bitter, expensive and violent divorce. Three years ago driving to our attorneys’ offices all alone, nervous, with knots in our stomach, and contemplating how to navigate our own divorces. We didn’t know each other. We were in the spin cycle of divorce and didn’t have all this advice from girlfriends who were in the know. Three years ago we were struggling and we felt like our souls were completely crushed.
And now here we are! Together. Eyes more open than before and more thankful than ever to be able to see in full color again. We are driving to an attorney’s office, just like three years ago, but this time to help another girlfriend begin her journey in planning her own divorce. We will lend her support, make sure she is okay and that she stays focused on the important details. Three years ago! Gasp! Tears come to our eyes as we realize how far we had come in a few short years.
During the meeting with the attorney, we watch our girlfriend closely – she cannot see from our perspective. Today, she sees the world only in shades of gray. She is afraid to talk. She is so embarrassed of the situation she has found herself in. She thinks she is to blame for the demise of her marriage. She is ashamed that she has relinquished her power in the relationship and allowed him to control her by hiding their entire financial information – he told her she wasn’t smart enough to understand their family finances. We understand. We’ve been there too. It goes on and on – we stop listening to the words and began to watch her grow in strength, grow in confidence and emerge from this awful meeting into someone beautifully empowered. This is the path she has chosen; her own journey towards divorce. We will support her and hopefully limit her exposure to the nausea and confusion of the roundabout so that her own experience can come full circle more quickly.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Oh yes, there really is life after divorce. We promise and all of our girlfriends promise! The maelstrom is over. Your plans have been successfully executed. You have a roof over your head (and it is YOURS), food in your stomach (and YOU are actually hungry again), money in your account, your kids are safe and YOU have your life back. And you’ve stopped crying everyday. It’s better, honey. Finally, it’s better.
Today is our Girlfriend-aversary. We met one year ago today and shortly thereafter realized that the universe brought us together to research and write this book so that our collective knowledge can help other women. While writing this book has been hugely cathartic, more than anything, it has taught us to rise above the drama, to trust our guts above the din of voices talking at us, and to drop the shield and pick up the sword. As we conclude this effort tonight…celebrating under the full moon with our favorite pizza, shiraz and Tagalong Girl Scout cookies we toast to ourselves to our perseverance and also raise our glasses to send positive energy our 12+ girlfriends who, this very night are feeling broken as they are struggling through their own personal hells to decide whether to stay in their marriage or to divorce. Hang in there, girls. Life gets easier. We swear it.
As you can see, we did it and our girlfriends did it, AND YOU CAN DO IT, TOO. Stay tuned for our next book where our girlfriends help us tackle the next 365 days!

WOO HOOOO!


Kerplunk – It’s Over! RESEARCH STATISICS

When you are contemplating separation and divorce, or when you are actually mired down in just trying to live through this new life as a singleton, you might feel as if no one understands your motives and needs–that you are completely alone in your fears and anxieties about ending your marriage. We’re here to tell you, ladies YOU ARE NOT ALONE! In researching Kerplunk – It’s Over! we surveyed and personally interviewed hundreds of women just like you, age 24-76, who had each chosen to divorce their intimate partner. The results from our research here prove that most women share common qualms and fears about divorce…just like you.

What was the Main Motivation for Your Choosing to Divorce?
(Most Women Sighted Multiple Reasons)
30% - Gross Unhappiness
- Didn’t love each other anymore
- Had grown apart
- Tired and drained
- Husband did not want me or love me


30% - Loss of Trust
- Infidelity on his part
- Husband was internet dating

20% - Husband did not have a job
- Husband was a dreamer
- I shouldered the burden of the family (raising kids, earning money)
- Financial manipulation when the woman was the primary earner

10% - Husband abused alcohol
- Husband abused drugs
10% - He was Jealous, Controlling and or Abusive


What was the Final Straw?
15% - Infidelity was the final straw
70% - Abuse was the final straw - mental and verbal abuse.
- Jealousy
- Controlling and narcissistic personality
- Bullying
Some girlfriends we interviewed did not realize until after the marriage ended that they were being manipulated and abused both verbally and emotionally.
15% Other – Undefined reasons

Cost of Divorce