Brain on Porn (Social #1), DeYtH Banger [red queen ebook .TXT] 📗

will have little or no effect on the days ahead. If you want to make a difference this year it will come from your choices and actions. So plan ahead.

A good New Years resolution is written down and contains SMART (Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, Timely) goals and real steps. Take your time with it and think hard about what you want to accomplish and how you’re going to get there. Do you want to have a porn free year? Of course you do. So how are you going to have a porn free day, week, and month? Break down your resolution to simple attainable goals that you can measure every day.

Resolutions must be resolved and strong. Remember, you cannot make real change on willpower alone. Recovery is about patience and practice so your 2016 goals should reflect that.

 

Looking Back To Learn

 

Remember how we said you should look forward, not back? Well, we lied. Kinda.

This last year was a good one. For two simple reasons: if you are reading this article you are still here and you are still trying. So no matter what happened in 2015 and before, there were good parts, really good parts. When you are making your plans and goals for your future, the experiences from your past can be very useful. They are not necessarily an indicator of what you can do or are capable of, but can be a learning tool.

Look back on your experiences and examine them like a scientist. Try not to put pressure on yourself or any type of guilt or shame. If this is a little too hard for you focus on the positive. Find good experiences and victories and look at what you did to make theme happen.

When examining your setbacks and mistakes, just let them be. The past is a record and it is useful but it is also dead and gone. The year 2015 no longer exists but we can study it’s bones and learn it’s secrets. If you can handle it, look at things that lead up to bad days and use the information to build an even better resolution. Look back through your Battle Tracker trends and find things that can help you make goals and strategies.

For example, if you notice that the majority of your setbacks occur on a specific device, make a plan accordingly. You could try filtration software or even getting rid of it for a while. When making these plans and strategies it can be very, very useful to include your accountability partner. They are a part of your past and can help you create a better future too.

So go ahead, look back, but only if you use it to build a better future.

 

365 Days To Mess Up

 

Ok, Porn Free in 2016. Can you do it?

What if you mess up?

What if you already have?

Well, our friend Brad messaged us and we think his story might help answer some of these questions.

“This was going to be my year.

On my way home from the parties on New Year’s Eve, friends and I discussed our resolutions. “Get in better shape”, “Do better in school”, and “Travel more” were all pretty common answers. I nodded my head in agreement and listed the cities and countries I wanted to visit this year with the others but I knew there was only one goal I really cared about.

I was learning, and growing. I was doing the Fortify Program and really seeing some progress. I wasn’t perfect yet but my streaks were getting longer and my setbacks were getting shorter. I had good battle strategies and I was finally going to get an accountability partner. Being porn free was my very first goal for 2016. On top of it all, I had a plan. A pretty good one I thought. I had broken my life down into categories that were important to me and made simple daily and weekly goals for each one. Even things like daily exercise and more socializing, less video-games. I was committed to recording my progress in my battle tracker every day, and I was sure it was going to full of victories.

I made it to January 2.

I felt so stupid.

That’s it. It’s over, I thought. New Year’s Resolution done. But then I realized that I had been looking at this thing all wrong.

Porn Free in 2016 sounds like a great goal. It’s catchy and motivating but it misses the point. It’s missing a why.

I knew that I had two options, the same two options I always had: give up or keep fighting. So yeah, I couldn’t give myself a sticker that says “Porn Free in 2016” but I still had 363 days left. My new year’s resolution wasn’t just about being able to check all those days off as victories. It was and is about become a better version of myself. It’s about learning to be in control of my life and learning how to be happy. Learning how to love and grow and change the way that I want to and know I can. I still have 363 days that I can make good days, and I am not going to waste them.”

Porn Free in 2016 is a great goal but if you don’t have a why behind it, it can be fragile. When you make your resolutions and plan out your future, don’t be afraid to aim high. Just remember what you are really fighting for, write it down and make it a real part of your goals. Make a list if you have lots of reasons, the more the merrier. The reasons why you fight can carry you when you fall. They can turn a resolution from a nice idea, into an immortal mindset.

Always remember why you fight.

 

 

 

The 7 Mental Traps That Porn Addicts Fall Into

 

 

 

Have you ever wanted anything more than a porn-free life? For most Fortifiers, their desire to break free from their addiction has been as all-consuming as their addiction itself. Even when things get discouraging and we want to give up, that desire never truly fades. When we are actively pursuing our recovery, that hope tends to burn brighter and brighter. It is motivating and wonderful, and can keep us moving on the right path. However, if we aren’t careful, our determination can send us charging recklessly off the tracks. Recovery is most effective when it is pensive, methodical, and consistent. Anyone who tries to fast forward their recovery is in for a rude awakening. It’s all about balance. Keep moving forward while still remembering that recovery is a process.

 

As important as it is to support a positive outlook throughout your recovery, it is equally important to make sure you aren’t falling into any mental traps. When dealing with addiction, we end up combatting things like depression and anxiety. As a result, even if you’re working really hard on creating a positive lifestyle, this backwards thinking won’t get you very far at all. Here are some ways of thinking to be aware of and try to avoid.

 

All-or-nothing thinking – Looking at things in black-or-white categories, with no middle ground.
“If I have one setback, I’m a total failure.”

No porn is good porn. No setback is a good setback. But does watching porn or having a setback make you a bad person? NO! In recovery, there is no such thing as failure. Yes, we have missteps and mistakes, but there is never a “point-of-no-return.” Failure is what happens a person is no longer trying. As long as you are still breathing, you can work on becoming the person you want to be. It is impossible to be a Fortifier and a failure at the same time.

 

Overgeneralization – Generalizing from a single negative experience, expecting it to hold true forever.
“I can’t do anything right.”.

This mentality can be disproved by a law of nature. First there is no such thing as an absolute. Nothing is always anything. There are exceptions to every rule. The idea that you can’t do anything right or that you will always be a failure has been repeatedly disproved by you trying to quit. So stop ignoring the evidence! The most fundamental principle of nature is not permanence, it is change.

 

Diminishing the positive – Coming up with reasons why positive events don’t count.

“She said she had a good time on our date, but I think she was just being nice.”

We can be prone to this way of thinking as a result of some of the insecurities our addiction has injected into our life. Remember, fighting for happiness is moot if you don’t believe you deserve it. Don’t let the annoying little voice in your head tell you otherwise. Try drowning it out, literally. If you find yourself diminishing the positive, try giving yourself a pep-talk, out loud. It’s fun and it works. Try it.

 

The negative filter – Ignoring positive events and focusing on the negative instead. Noticing the one thing that went wrong, rather than all the things that went right.
“I didn’t look at anything but I was close. Why am I so messed up?”

Every victory counts. Don’t disregard your progress because you aren’t perfect yet. Enjoy the journey! If we aren’t working on something, then we are just being bored and lazy. Take pride in the fact that you working on bettering yourself. Work on being a little bit better and give yourself licence to celebrate the little things.

 

Jumping to conclusions – Making negative interpretations without actual evidence. You act like a mind reader or a fortune teller.
“They must think I’m pathetic. I’ll be stuck in this addiction forever.”

This comes into play a lot when dealing with other people, like our accountability partners or people who we care about what they think. We assume that they are going to judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves. Think about that for a second. How would you react to someone else in your situation? You’d obviously be sympathetic and understanding. Stop assuming that others are judging you and start believing they have your best interest in mind.

 

Emotional reasoning – Believing that the way you feel reflects reality.
“I constantly feel like such a loser, therefore I must be a loser.”

Just because we think or feel something, that does not make it true. Separating yourself from what goes on impulsively inside your head is a valuable skill and will be very helpful to your recovery. Try slowing down and taking time to react to your own experiences. It might sound cheesy but breathing and meditation can be a big help for this. Be curious about your feelings and challenge them, don’t just blindly accept them. People who do this are more logical, rational, and better at making decisions.

 

Labeling – Self-identifying based on mistakes and perceived shortcomings
“I am a porn addict. I’m a loser, a failure, a weak person with no self-control.”

We say again; you are not your addiction. Who you are is not the same as where you are.

Moments of weakness don’t define you. You are not the result of some sad events or simply the victim of an addiction.Yes, you have struggles; yes, you have weaknesses; but those things do not matter because you have the ability to be free. You just have to unlock it. Tap into your potential step by step, day by day, learning and growing.

Take the time to think about the mental traps on this list. They may not all apply to you but it is very probable that you are prone to at least one of these ways of thinking. Take these lessons and build them into your battle strategies and plans. Take things one day at a time and practice being self-aware and patient. When you work towards your recovery you can be aware of your own mental pitfalls and make even greater changes. Stay tuned in and you’ll stay on the path to freedom.

 

 

 

 

Note: YOu could be having a great day, free from anxiety and depression... but what now?

 

 

Afraid to look in people's eyes - Feel of shame