Dear Whoever, Spencer Dennen [best english books to read for beginners .TXT] 📗

 Hey guys I really like all the friends requests I'm getting.It makes me happy to know I have friends.Here where I live I have no friends whats so ever.Everyone makes fun of me or talks shit about me.But that's okay because I have my sister who never thinks low of me.But for some reason I still feel like I can't talk to her about my problems.I feel like I'm scaring her or she's not listening.I feel like no body is listening.I feel like I'm in a pool drowning deeper and deeper.Most of the time I feel like screaming but nothing comes out.It's like a nightmare I can never wake up from...A part of me wants to reach out for help but I feel they can't help me.I need it to go away.I just want someone to take it all away...I've tried everything to keep me from going into a deep depression but it beat me once again.I know this one will not blow over in a few days.This is a big one and I hate them.I had one last summer and almost went suicide 3 times.Last summer was the worst and nothing mattered to me.I was reckless and a rebel.I stole and did drugs for my pain.For all the shit I stole I should have went to jail...I feel so bad for it but I still did it.And having my best friend at the time doing it with me just made it worse.It became a bad habit.Every store I went into I stole something.Not getting caught made me think I could keep doing it.When my sister got caught for stealing a soda that was it.We all three decided our stealing days were over.Words can't explain how scared I was of what would happen to me if the cop found out I stole everything in my bag.Thank god I had a job at the time and said I just bought them.I couldn't cover for the soda because they caught her on camera.She ended up doing community services and a paying a ticket.My mother was beyond pissed until I lied to her and said Aroura was going to pay for the soda when she had to go to the bathroom and put it in her purse to keep safe.Afterwards she forgot she had put it in her purse and they said she stole it.Quick save on my part.My sister was so thankful.After that we took the bus back home and partied.

                                      XOXO SDF

 I hope you guys liked my little trip to the past.It was a dark time for me but that chapter is over now.Thank god haha.Anyways daily update on me.Yesterday I went to the mall and bought some band merch.It's been awhile sense I bought a band t-shirt.I bought a my chemical romance one and a slipknot shirt.I also bought some skeleton bone tights.I was looking at the piercings and decided I want a piercing.So I want to hear your guys opinions on me getting a belly botton piercing.Or on belly botton piercings in general.I felt my body was too plain.I thought what the hell one piercing is cool.I'm more of a tattoo lover but I'm not 18 yet sooooo...And as for today I went with my mom and Aroura my sister to pay bills.On our journey our tire popped and we needed to find a place to fix it.There is nothing more hotter than a guy working on cars.I love it.This guy was most likely in his twentys and baby blue eyes.It took me by surprise of how he made me feel.After my harsh breakup with my ex after spending one year together I hated men.I wanted to be single for a long time and I still do.I'm young and I want to have fun still.What scares me is I think I'm ready to get out there again.

                                     XOXO SDF

 I feel like I'm sleep walking.Like everything I do is a dream...I've been watching a guy named Johnnie on youtube for a while now.You guys should go check him out.He makes me laugh when I'm haveing a bad day.He makes funny random videos invovling challenges.He also does q n a videos and depression videos.Him and kyle hall are pretty much my life right now.I've got school work to do still so that's the reason I haven't been writing lately.I have to get out of here soon...There's no way I can spend another year here.I'll die.My plan is to finish school early and then move to Vegas.Away from these people.I want my life to be better than this.Better than some mental case...I'm hanging on to see the light through this hell I'm living.I want to be that proof of someone getting better without therapy.They can't help me...No one can...

                                      XOXO SDF

 So mostly I'm just going to be writing in here when I feel like something is worth writing about.I'm pretty much just ordinary most of my life.It's the weirdest thing.The only time I leave my house is to go to school once a week pretty much.I hate people and love to be alone.Like right now I'm laying in my bed in the dark cuddling with my dogs.I just got done doing my homework.The only time I actually go out to be social is at warp tour.I guess it's because I'm with people who are just like me.We are all there for the same reasons.I feel calm and at home there.I feel like I can let loose and be myself.I mean who doesn't want to mosh out their problems to music they love.Anyways I'm pray for a better line up of artists.I want to rock out this summer.I want bring me the horizon to go again but they are working on a new ablum so...I just want one band I know.I'll go still if one band doesn't go I know just to get out of this prison house.I'm just sitting here waiting for summer to role around.I've got like three more months of school left and can't wait for june when warp tour comes.I'm so excited that I'm working on my summer body early.I want to be a twig by the time warp comes around.I got my shirt in the mail that I bought for that event.It's so cute just like I imagined it.I'm trying to make this summer better than the last.Last summer was pretty good but only because I had my friend Cate and my sister to spend it with.Now I just have my sister to spend it with.Which is still cool but I really miss Cate.We were like to gether.Like sisters.I miss walking out of my room in the morning and going for a morning smoke with her.I miss our talks and all the times we talked shit about our boyfriends at the time.I miss smoking weed with her in my shed and getting stuck out there for hours.For some strange reason with all the drugs we did we still managed to get good grades in school.Well at least I did.I can't really tell you what happened to our friendship other than my mom kicked her out because she said Cate was doing dark magic.Something about Cate and my little sister is they are into witchcraft.Well my grandmother is a witch.She has a spell book and everything.What happened is She passed it onto my little sister.Cate had her gift from her mom who used to do witchcraft back in the day.My mother said she was evil and told her she couldn't be over here anymore without supervision.Also we got caught smoking weed because my stupid nasty brother told on us.So all that mixed together destroyed our friendship.Now I'm so lonely..The last time I saw her was on my birthday which was last year.I miss her a lot.Sometimes I just wish everything would go back to the way it was...Back when all that mattered was weed and alcohol.I was actually not happy back then.I was very sad and very suicidal.Cate is who talked me out of it.Well after we smoked some weed.Weed took all my problems away.Everything that was bothering me was gone and I was fine for awhile.Most of my summer was spent stoned and out on the streets.We never wanted to go home.We blasted music and danced until we dropped.We were killing ourselves and didn't care.I still don't.I mean Cate was the worst.Make two inches with your fingers and that's what she was like from the side.She didn't care about anything so why should I tell her how skinny she looked?We were doing it together.Once the drug cocaine came up in a conversation we all were having.My little sister was like I would never fuck with that and me and Cate just smiled at each other.We both knew if there was a sack of cocaine of the coffee table me and her would snort it together.We were bad.We snorted all kinds of pills together in my room.No one knew but us.I would steal them from my ex who had a pill poping problem.He would lie to me but I knew he still did it.I didn't really care cause I was doing them too.He just thought I drank every once in awhile.He didn't even know I smoked weed and cigarettes.No one did but me and Cate.We had so much in common.We had the same type in guys,we loved sex,and loved drugs.Our birthdays were two days apart for crying out loud.We