Dear Whoever, Spencer Dennen [best english books to read for beginners .TXT] 📗

Well first things first my name is Spencer Dennen.I have two sides to me like most teenaged girls.I play the role of a sweet outgoing girl who everyone wants to be around and I also play the stay in my room don't want to talk to anyone girl.Some people say I'm hard to keep up with but really maybe your just too slow.I'm mostly a layed back chill kind of person.Yup I'm a leo.Which I have to say is one of the best signs out there.I'm a animal lover and have a love for music deeply.Anything else I didn't write here should be in my bio.So now that's all out of the way this book is mostly going to be about the ups and downs of being a teen.The rough patches with family members to not having a family at all.A life full of lying,cheating,arguing,drugs,and all that good stuff.We all go through it from time to time.Some have it better than others.I look forward from hearing from you guys about your life struggles.Who knows maybe we will have something in common.Feel free to message me or comment.I will write back when I can.

                            XOXO SDF

 Life is a simple thing.Wait now that is not true...Life is full of sadness and regrets.Is it not?For a normal human being life is fine.School is great.Making friends is great and family is wonderful.Their life is perfect.The only worries they have is being good enough to be on a sports team.For a human being like myself life is nothing but stress.I stress constantly about my school grades even though I give it my best.I stress about my weight and my beauty.Whether someone will like me or not.I worry about everything in my life.For a teenager who just barely turned 17 should be excited for taking the next step which is college.My next step when I turn 18 is to move as far as I can from these people I'm supposed to call my family.Truth is I've had my mind set sence I was 14.I want nothing more but to get out of this house.There is not a word in the world that could explain how much I hate these people.I have no family.I like to think I kind of just dropped out of the sky.There is nothing but hate here.I've been praying for god to take me but I know that will never happen.I cry myself to sleep everynight.I have all these questions of why god would let these things happen to me.If he really did love his child why would he let me hurt so much?Just like my so called mother...She says I'm her sanity and her love but why does she still have the person who melested me and my baby sister in our home.She is supposed to protect us from harm not put us right smack in the middle of it.I not only cry because of my own demons but I also cry for my baby sister.She's my best friend.My everything.It kills me everyday to see her so depressed.Everytime things get hard and seem so unbarable I remind her that our life when I turn 18 will be like heaven.I tell her to just bare through it and the outcome will be worth it.I know it will.I'm taking 10 classes extra to graduate early.I'm going to go to by Radio Canyon" href="#">college and get a job at the same time.I'm doing everything I can for my baby sister.I break my back for her everyday.When we argue I remind her we are in this together and she is not alone.I try so hard and no one really sees that but me.

                          XOXO SDF

 Hey SDFs!!!!Sorry for not writing.My laptop was down for a few weeks.Just got it to work again so I'm pretty excited for that.Anyways I've got news.My mother has got a job.That's good news for me.So for all those of you that just tuned in to this little adventure I have severe depression and bad eating habits.The more my mother works the more I get to work on my body.Winter has almost passed and I've gone from 104 to 120 which is not good at all.I'm very disappointed in myself.At first I was doing an expierment about how much I could eat before gaining weight again and I kind of got stuck.Now its really bad...Its to the point where I don't even know when I'm hungry or when I'm not.Which is bad....Sometimes I scare myself.I remember one time I went for a whole week and a couple of days without eating and didn't even realized it until my mother started badgering me.I remember I cried because I knew I couldn't control it anymore.So I learned to deal with it better than to hurt over it.I tell myself to do what makes me happy.If being thin makes me happy and not self harm my legs then I'll do it.I don't care what anyone says.I'm doing me.So starting today I'm fasting until I see a difference.I want to be 104 again.My biggest fear is if I can notice my weight gain then others can too.I don't want them to.I don't want them to be okay with it.I used to look thinner than my little sister and I want that again.I'd die to be back to what I was before winter hit.My little sister notices.I know she does.She doesn't let me wear some of her jeans and I want it to change.Taxes are coming soon and I get a new I phone 6.So go follow me on instagram @sworninspencer.I can't wait.I'll be posting more pics then.

                                          XOXO SDF

 I woke up this morning with the worse stomache ache ever.I know its from starving myself but It's never been so bad that I would throw up....I took a pill that would settle my ache and skipped school.I could barely walk and every suddent movement made me want to vomit.But I still will not give in.Like I said I will die to get back down to 104.Summer is coming and I need to get into shape.I feel alot better now but I have no idea how I will feel tomorrow.I had my sister turn in my work for me at school.I'm craving chinese food but I will not give in.I want to be thin.I have to be thin for tomorrow.My mother just got payed and we are going down to the mall.I want to look my best.Hopefully my shirt I bought online will be in the mail by tomorrow so I can wear it.So warp tour line ups so far are gay.I don't know anyone who is going.For all of you who don't know what warp tour is....Its a music festival in every june.If it doesn't get better then my whole summer is ruined....Well that's it for today SDFs.I didn't really do much today other than work....Maybe I'll add more tonight if something cool happens.

                            XOXO SDF