Dear Whoever, Spencer Dennen [best english books to read for beginners .TXT] 📗

only drinking every once in a while.And don't act like you don't drink too.Every teenager does.Some just have a problem with it.I mean my mother and father were alcoholics.My father was one until the day he died.My mother stopped only because she had a problem medically.It's in my blood to be one but I never thought it would come so fast.I mean I'm only 17...Just another problem to add to my list of fucked up.It's hard to control my depression all the time.Everyday it's a battle for me.I'm weighed down.I'm drowning currently and no one notices.One day I will loose this fight but until then I will help you guys get through your issues.I feel my time is near but I'm trying like hell to pull myself through.I'm lossing color in my skin and I feel shaky.All the symtoms of starving.I just want to be pretty and happy for once.I just want someone to want me.That's all.

                                       XOXO SDF

Chapter Eleven

 Hey guys just a short update.I've decided to toss my book Colton Lynnk noticed me.Yeah I'm sorry for the ones who loved it so far but I didn't want to write it anymore.I've been writing this new book that I feel you guys will be more interested in.It's already up on my porfile if you want to go check that out.Tell me what you think so far.I'm pretty excited about it.I've never wrote a book about murder or jail so bare with me.I've finished all my homework except for two classes so I'm free to chat.Just inbox me or something.So should I post pictures in here with every entry I write?If so message me.I think I should.I've been slacking on writing on here but like everyone else I have a life to do.I've been listening to music a lot more.I want to know what you guys are listening to.My top fav right now is Tyler Carters' new ablum.Go check that out.My day really just started so I really have nothing to write about right now but maybe later I will.

                              XOXO SDF

 

Chapter Twelve

 So Jimmy Matts' brother wanted us to go with him tomorrow to see Matt.I mean I want to but just not right now.I'm not really ready to see him and expesially with everyone else around.I'm probably going to go to hell for saying this but I don't think I want to see Matt ever again.I just think it will make everything harder for me.I saw what my last relationship did to me and I don't want to do that again.Besides do I really want to sit here wondering if he's doing something with one of the girls there in his home...We decided not to go and I know Matt's going to be very disappointed.But I'm sure Jimmy will explain something to him.I gave up on him.I'm 17 and got a long life ahead of me.I need to see what's out there for me.I don't need to be trippin over this guy who probably doesn't even think of you.He probably just thinks of you as a great fuck or something.I mean why would he be interested in me.I'm so fucked in the mind that I can't even handle myself sometimes.So tell me why I would want to get involved with someone just as fuck up as me?

                                          XOXO SDF

 

Chapter Thirteen

 Hello SDFs.How you been?I've been hanging in there as usual.I'm serious about loosing weight again.Like it's crack down time.We are supposed to get our taxes tomorrow.I'm getting a new I phone so I'll be on instagram a lot more and I'm making a new snapchat so if you already didn't go follow me.Expect lots of stupid videos of me and my sister.I've probably never told you guys this but I twerk a lot.I do it for exercise and just for fun.It's on of my biggest passions.So expect booty pics and twerking clips from me and my little sister.I've decided not to be ashamed of my body.If you have it why not show it.I'm going to order these cheekster bathing suit bottoms offline for the summer.I want zero tan lines.I'm still on the hunt for my perfect warp tour outfit.The shirt I bought offline was not what I expected.It's just not warp tour material.So far the only band I know that is going is New Years Day.If you don't know them go check them out on youtube.Gawd youtube is life!I've been listening to this guy named Austin Jones.He writes his own music and does youtube videos.I'm mostly just going to be doing homework and working on my body until june.I get out of school in may.I'm going on spring break next week and can't wait.I want to visit my grandma and go to the beach.I need to get my body into shape for spring break too.I'm going to be busy this week with you know shopping and stuff.I might not have time to write on here this week but next week I will definately be on all the time.

                                      XOXO SDF

                                        

Chapter Fourteen

 Hey SDFs!!!!I'm so sorry I've been gone for so long.My laptop took a shit on me and doesn't want to go on the internet.So I'm going to be using my moms' new laptop.I can't promise to write everyday but I can promise to write once a week.And I know I said I would post a pic as well but as I told you I'm not on my computer.So no pictures guys sorry.So anyways yes I finally got my Iphone and I love it.I just like the thought of having a phone finally.If you want to see pictures of me and keep up with me go follow me on the phone app called instagram @sworninspencer.I post alot of things on there too.My depression is here and there.It's everywhere I go and I'm really thinking about getting evaluated to see what is wrong with me.I need to see.I feel I'm ready now.All I have to do is take a test and that's it.Seems easy enough right?If any of you have ever been evaluated if you don't mind please share with me about your expierence.I want to know all the facts.I guess I've been okay with my depression.It hasn't been really bad in a long time.I think one of my problems is I might be suicidal.I think about it all the time.Even when I'm not depressed.It scares me actually.I can't be alone for too long or I start thinking about it.Honestly the only reason I'm still here is my dogs and my little sister.Not so much my sister because I know if I died she would die to but mostly my animals.They need me and I need them.The only good thing in my life right now is I have a new boyfriend.It took me two days to actually say yes.I wasn't sure I wanted to be with him.The person I'm talking about here is Matthew my fiend that got locked up.He's doing really good now and he's about to come home this july.I'm so excited.I miss him so much.I'm glad I said yes to him cause I really needed him right now in my life.He's very sweet and he keeps me emotionally fed.My little sister like usual is a little upset.I totally understand why she's upset because she thinks I'm going to ignore her like I did for my last boyfriend Tj.But I'm not going to with this one.This one is different.We were all friends before.He adores my sister.I finally have a boyfriend who gets along with my baby sister.He's too perfect its unbelievable.I really hope this oneworks out.

Chapter Fifteen

 Hey hey hey SDFs!!!!So yeah I lied I'm sorry....I'm not going t be on here once a week either....I'm contemplating on whether to delete my account