Dating & Courtship, Stephen Picklesimer [e textbook reader TXT] 📗

Introduction
Chapter One –DATING TODAY
Chapter Two – A FATAL MIXTURE
Chapter Three – LUST AND INFATUATION—THE WRONG FOUNDATION
Chapter Four –ESTABLISHING THE RIGHT FOUNDATION
Chapter Five – TRUE LOVE—AND HOW IT RELATES TO DATING
Chapter Six –THE PURPOSE OF DATING
Chapter Seven –THE ART OF DATING
Chapter Eight –ADVANCING TO COURTSHIP
Conclusion –NOW THAT YOU ARE ENGAGED


Dating and Courtship
Countless millions of shattered families began with wrong dating habits. These habits made proper courtship impossible. And the results have been tragic. The almost universal effects of modern dating demonstrate widespread ignorance, even on the most basic points of right dating. Almost no one understands the real PURPOSE of dating or of the courtship that can ensue. The next step, achieving a happy marriage, then also becomes impossible. There is a right way to date! What is it? And there are right and wrong people to date. How can you know the difference? It is time to unlearn the wrong principles, acquired from society—and to learn and apply GOD’S true principles, leading to HAPPY marriages and families! Presenting God’s perspective, this book reveals those principles.
Introduction
The world is ignorant of almost every RIGHT VALUE that produces the RIGHT RESULTS all people seek. While everyone wants to be happy—and assumes that following the established norm is the right way to achieve happiness—most remain miserable and never know why. This is especially true in the world of modern dating. Dating, followed by courtship, is supposed to lead to a happy marriage. But marriage cannot be happy if it is not built on the RIGHT FOUNDATION. Most couples have no idea that the foundation of a successful marriage begins long before the wedding day. In addition, a direct by-product of the wrong foundation is that most people have no idea how to select the right mate.
Just what is dating? A sampling of opinions reveals a variety of definitions, with seemingly no two alike. In the simplest form, a date is merely a set time agreed upon by two people to engage in an activity. The most commonly recognized definition is “an appointment for a specified time; especially a social engagement between two persons of opposite sex” (Webster’s Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary). What about courtship? Most know little or nothing of this lost art, and many no longer know—let alone use—the term. Those few who do, know virtually nothing about the principles of courtship—or its true PURPOSE. As a result, if two people are “dating,” this could mean they have dated only twice, yet have become interested in pursuing marriage. Even if both were serious, and technically courting from this point (this is often the case today after just two dates), most would still refer to this as dating.
In fact, there is no common understanding of just what dating and courtship are, or the plain difference between the two—and there is a BIG difference!
Also, because it sounds too “official” and “old-fashioned,” teenagers today rarely even use the term “dating.” The idea of a date—when a man formally asks a woman, for instance, if she would accept an engagement for dinner—is nearly non-existent. Many simply slip or tumble into dating situations, seemingly not caring how this happens, or even what happens. Instead, they seem more concerned with “going with the flow.”
Yet, you should care! Too much is at stake not to. There are many important principles behind dating that one must consider in order to successfully date—and be able to eventually move on to the more serious courtship and pursuit of marriage. You must have a means of knowing if or when you have found that special person. There are specific processes involved in proper dating that will help lead you down the right path.
When was the last time you either heard or used the word “courting”? Again, this term is very rarely used in society today, and most do not have any idea what it really means. Webster’s states that courting is “to engage in social activities leading to engagement and marriage.” Most would reply, “But isn’t that dating?” The answer is no. Courting is a separate but important and intricate part of the process pointing toward and leading to marriage. Therefore, you must also come to understand and apply the right way to court.
And then there are those who may want to date, court and marry for the second time. Of course, some lose a spouse to death. Many others, having already established a pattern of marital failure, hope to do better “the second time around.” But no one is telling them how to do better. Wounded, and perhaps feeling burned, many stumble into a “rebound” relationship, often choosing the exact same kind of person they just left behind! These people need guidance as well, and this book offers it.
There are many manuals available, written from the human perspective, on how to date, court and find a mate. And there seems to be no end of sociologists, psychologists, marriage counselors and others considered to be experts, who are only too willing to offer what are no more than the opinions of people. This book does not merely present my perspective—my view—of the subject. That would be of no more worth than so many others.
Consider the intensifying debate about the status and legal recognition of same-sex couples. The United States and other Western countries are caught in the middle of a conflict—an outright WAR—over whether homosexual partners should be granted marriage licenses. In America, civil unions have already been permitted for some time in certain states. As the battle lines continue to form, the U.S. President and his allies are pursuing a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriages. Frustrated that “the courts are defining marriage” for the whole country, he stated that “marriage should be defined by the people.”
But is this true? Is it really “the people” who have devised the institution of marriage? Should “the people” decide who and what constitutes a marriage? If so, then is it also human beings who should define the traditional means of selecting a mate pursuant to this goal? The answer to all these questions is an emphatic “NO!”
Let’s be clear. While religionists and theologians assume that this is God’s world, it is not! Let me repeat, this is not God’s world—it does not reflect His Way. Its customs, beliefs, values, philosophies, traditions and practices are not of God. But God is calling—and working with—a small number of people, whom He is training for a very special purpose. Who and how one chooses to date, which can lead to courtship and marriage, is inseparable from this purpose.
This book is far more than another manual containing dating “tips” or “helpful hints.” What you will read here reveals what God has to say on the matter. What people may say or do—and the “will of the people”—is irrelevant and usually just PLAIN WRONG! It is GOD’S perspective—His view—that offers the way to everything good in life.
God intends that every human being enjoy a HAPPY MARRIAGE. This is directly tied to whom and how one dates—and courts—prior to marriage!
In order to fully grasp the many principles that apply to dating, courtship, engagement and marriage, much foundation must first be laid. Be patient with the need to establish the right framework. It is essential to appreciating—to truly COMPREHENDING—all that follows. The reader makes a big mistake by skipping over or skimming through any early portions of this book in search of “specifics” describing what should happen on a date. If this is your interest—if you are merely looking for “keys, tips” or “good ideas”—this book is not for you. While it does contain, later in the book, a great many specific points for application, these latter chapters simply cannot be properly applied without first understanding the vital backdrop of the preceding chapters.
A word to parents and teens: Parents, this book can be absolutely invaluable to you in training and preparing your children throughout the years preceding the eligible age of marriage—if you use it! Teenagers, this book will also guide you—and will protect you from endless, and usually unseen, traps and pitfalls. Read it. Study it. Adhere to it. You will be enormously glad you did!
Dating and Courtship – God’s Way is truly different, and applying its contents could change your life forever!
Chapter One –DATING TODAY
Why do you need to learn more about dating and courting? Is this not something people just pick up from others and “learn as they go”? Is there a right and wrong way of dating or, like learning to walk or ride a bike, can people just naturally figure it out as they experience it?
The cold, hard facts are that today’s standards of dating, courting and engagement are wrong—ALL WRONG!
But how can I say this? All you need do is look at the astonishing array of ill effects in millions of relationships to realize that the dating and courtship practiced today are far off-track. But, before we address this, the principle of CAUSE and EFFECT must be explained.
The Cause-and-Effect Principle
Most people live their entire existence completely unaware of WHY things either “go right” or “go wrong.” They seem unable to grasp that what they do, or do not do, has a direct effect on their lives. Most do not recognize that for every CAUSE there is an EFFECT—or, conversely, for every effect there is a cause. Nor do they know that this is a law. Scientists recognize this in physics, but society is unaware that the same is true in life—that the law of cause and effect is no less immutable than any law of science.
Let’s reason together, considering a few basic points. How does the law of cause and effect work in one’s life? Some simple examples:
If you routinely eat too much, what happens? You will become sick or overweight—or both! There is no mystery to this.
If you drink too much alcohol, you will become intoxicated. This could lead to a long list of bad effects: A next-day headache, being arrested, or even an auto accident resulting in injury or death to yourself or others. Again, there is no mystery here.
If you break society’s laws, the effect is that you might go to jail or prison. This will hurt your family, your career opportunities and your entire future. Once again no mystery to this.
In this fashion, the law of CAUSE and EFFECT directly impacts your life—and the life of everyone on earth. The ways that this happens are endless.
Let’s go further. If industry pollutes the environment, the result is contaminated air or water, or even the much-debated problem of global warming. If countries go to war, the results—the effects—are economic upheaval, disease, famine and general misery for all involved. If parents neglect the proper rearing of their children, or if children do not obey their parents, the effects could be poor performance in school, drug addiction, criminal conduct or worse.
Of course, none of this is hard to understand.
God’s way of life—including the principles of right dating, courtship and engagement—is also based on the law of CAUSE and EFFECT. The Bible contains hundreds of laws and principles, each carrying the power of cause and effect for those who KEEP—or BREAK—them!
Whether one identifies and knows all the laws and principles of the Bible is not relevant to whether breaking them will bring certain punishment. Just as speeding can result in a ticket, whether the driver knew the speed limit or not, so those who break the laws of God reap penalties, whether they know they are violating specific laws or not.
Look at the world around you. It