Straight Talk, No Pretense, Abasiodiong Ekarika [books you need to read .TXT] 📗

I think about it every day and I believe it should be taught exclusively the same way sex education is taught while we are children.

For most part of your life, you’ll live with others whether or not they are your family members. This communal living tends to make separation and living independently very difficult and problematic especially when you have cohabited with others for a long period of time. As a Nigerian, there is every probability that you’ll live alone when you are a young adult. As a young adult, you’ll be enrolled as a student in any tertiary institution of your choice which may or may not be close to home. As a result, you’ll make a decision of either residing in the hostel or off campus. In school, you’ll have to spend a considerable amount of time adapting to your new environment and making friends because you’ve never been there or survived alone within that environment for a long period of time.

Living alone is not scary it will only be when you desire it. Living can be dangerous if you want it to, living alone can be risky if you want to, living alone can also be a learning process if you want it to.

I believe living alone is a learning process. Living alone allows you to appreciate your weakness and improve on them while making ample use of your strength. When an individual lives alone he/she will have to literally take care of himself/herself being his/her own physical support system, spiritual support system, emotional support system and mental support system.

A person who lives alone will likely be lonely. This loneliness can cause a feeling of emptiness, unworthiness and hatred. In order to fight it he/she will have to learn how to communicate with relations, study the word of God not because he/she wants to beat time but because it is beneficial for spiritual growth, engage in extracurricular activities and work not just within the home but outside.

If you do not feel motivated have in your home things that bring you joy and stir you up to push forward, have your personal pictures and family pictures in a binder, write notes to yourself that cheers you up, play a worship song and an uplifting song, watch movies. Don’t do it for a day but every day so as to avoid such situation from occurring. Never let loneliness make you indulge in any act that is not Christ worthy.

If you are living alone as a single man or woman let it be an opportunity to learn how to be yourself and not depend on another person for support. Learn how to come home without being hugged, kissed and told all the beautiful things in life. Learn how return from a hectic journey to a silent house and no food on the table. Learn how to give one hundred percent attention to completing a task that may not be appreciated or noticed without feeling pained and angry. It is important you learn this because there will be days you’ll work like a donkey at your office and never get appreciated but you have to chill out and smile rather than cause an outburst of emotions. Furthermore, learn so that you don’t become a burden, it will be very catastrophic if you will always need the presence of your partner at home before you can do anything productive at home or in the office. I believe, you don’t want to start crying like a baby complaining on how much you miss the love of your life who will be away for a one day training.

Living alone opens you up to be able to manage responsibilities with wisdom. An individual who lives alone will be able to take wrong financial decisions and get corrected. He/she may feel like he does not need to purchase an item beforehand because a kiosk is close by and he can manage. As much as this is true, a person living alone learns to be intentional in all his/her financial action. If you are knowledgeable on finances go for training, attend seminars, practice what you’ve learnt and then engage in an activity that brings income. When you get your profit don’t sideline saving, save promptly and invest promptly, the fact that you are living alone should not give you reasons to spend your money recklessly and in a manner where you want to impress friends knowing you will be able to hide at home sipping garri for three days straight.

As a young person, it is imperative on you to build your future. You are not committed to anyone so therefore do whatever your hand finds honorable to do. Don’t just do but do it excellently. Prioritize your needs, you don’t need to watch the latest movie, you don’t need to buy the newest shoe in the market or purchase the dress in vogue. If you have enough to give it with kindness and compassion to those who are limited and are begging, make donations, purchase gifts and give to the orphans.

Your silent moments as a single who is living alone is not a time for you to imagine all the deadliest creatures you can think of or practice fornication, it is not the time to call that hormonal man or woman to have sex with you because you believe you own the space. You lie, nothing is hidden under the sun. Use this time to communicate with God, study the word and reflect on your life or read a book, volunteer in a non-governmental organization. There are many NGOs in Nigeria and in your territory locate one and commit your time and skill, don’t leave your mind idle, don’t use the moment to plot an evil scheme or carry out any fraudulent act, don’t use it to smoke any illegal drugs rather work on yourself and resist giving yourself to the devil.

As a Christian, living alone should not be leeway to forget the basic salvation principles you learnt when you were younger. Give yourself a duty of locating a living Church or center of worship when you get to a new area. Don’t do it alone, by your strength you will fail, let your choice be based on the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. When you locate one, attend events that will be of benefit to you, don’t stay idle.

Be safety conscious, value your life. Have a security number you can call anytime, pray and be prepared for anything. Learn to be indoors, like solitary, practice solitary. You are single and not committed to anybody so use this time to do that which you’ll have no time to do when you get married.

Chapter 4: Personal Development

 Personal development is developing your skills and strengths. Personal development is not motivation, it is a choice that involves all conscious and unconscious attempts to better your life. It is creating value, increasing status and choosing excellence. Personal development is for your own benefit and not another, it’s necessary to develop yourself because you have to make it in life and be a better partner, a better colleague, a better parent. Personal development increases your self-esteem, doubles your social status, impacts your social influence and allows you to appreciate life. It’s necessary to develop yourself because you have to make it in life, be a better partner, a better colleague, a better parent.

You don’t need to let someone label you as an olodo before you read, spend money to buy books. Know why you behave in a certain way, gain understanding of social influence, read in advance, read wide and read now, if you are not reading then you are not ready for marriage. If you want to marry you should be able to know how marriage works. As a single man/woman you gain knowledge on the dynamics of marriage through reading. Read on how to succeed financially, you don’t want to be begging for food or feeling intimidated by your spouse money neither will you want your child to be described by his peers as someone whose father/mother begs for everything; seasoning, gas, money, leaf, matches.

If as a single man/woman you have an opinion on a controversial issue that could ruin your marriage learn more about it and know whether you are ready to risk it. If you believe in equality back your thoughts with truths, give veritable reasons why a man/woman must work at home. You will not be doing this in courtship, it is now that you are single.

Attend trainings, attend seminars, partake in educational lectures and know your strength. Nobody will tell you who you are even if you are to be great you have to know it for yourself and take steps to be great. Be prepared, answer questions smartly, and know how your body reacts to certain things. Don’t be someone that doesn’t know what he/she is allergic to or his/her blood group and genotype. Go for tests, spend money to do the right tests and don’t be ashamed when the results come out. If you need to take drugs start immediately.

Improve your skills, learn important things now don’t wait to learn it in marriage, let marriage be where you display what you learnt when you were single. Learn to change nappy now, you will not learn it in school or in marriage, know how to cook, be prepared to execute responsibilities without complaining. Be able to multitask, have problem solving skill, learn to be resilient, learn to be compassionate, learn to stay humble, learn how to manage pressure because you will face it in marriage. Develop an excellent communication skill, don’t be the man/woman who gets married but does not know how to communicate with the wife/husband because you are shy, refuse to be a researcher case study of couples who chat on the phone to handle issues instead of talking face to face.

Be purposeful and look beyond, if you have a B.Sc. now strive for more. As the world is moving forward, move forward with it too or you will be lost. Attend professional trainings, take opportunities and don’t doubt yourself. If you are doubting your eligibility for a promotion then something is wrong seek to clarify the issue. If you are not satisfied with your career be bold to leave and head for another career. Let your work bring you wealth and not poverty.

Stop killing your spiritual life, you are lying to be filled with the Holy Spirit if you can attempt watching pornography without blinking an eye. Pray, pray always, the Bible teaches that Christians should not relent in prayers. Build of your salvation, seek to know Christ, worship God in Spirit and in truth don’t do it for eye service. It is very obvious when you position yourself where the photographer takes pictures and fake tears so that you will be called a true worshipper, your heart is truly empty, seek God and he will save you.

Exercise, nobody likes an unhealthy person. Don’t eat junk food, you really don’t need to eat beyond 12am, you are killing yourself. Don’t drink alcohol rather drink fruit juice, don’t smoke, smokers’ are liable to die young. You deceive yourself when you engage in unhealthy lifestyles and then pray