Straight Talk, No Pretense, Abasiodiong Ekarika [books you need to read .TXT] 📗

Author's Note

I have observed sadly how the youths have continued to drift away from full maturity because of ignorance. One thing I know, is that living excellently demands discipline and this discipline begins with the mind not the body. One must be able to set goals and be ambitious because success is not for a specific gender. It is not a crime to be independent and comfortable. Focus and achieve your goals, don’t be distracted.

Finally, marriage is honorable, before you get married understand the dynamics of a relationship and successfully have one. Think creatively and set your priorities right, don’t let time run out before you realize the right thing to do.

I wish you well!

ABASIODIONG EKARIKA

Chapter 1: Single and not married

 A single person is someone who is not married or in a relationship. The word “single” is often used to refer to a person who is not in a relationship. He/she may be widowed or divorced. A single man is referred to as a bachelor while a single woman is referred to as a spinster. Most times a man will be addressed as a mister while a woman will be addressed as a miss and not a mistress. These titles have historical backgrounds.

The Nigerian law regards a single man or woman as one to whom there has been no promise to marry or any existing marriage celebrated under the provision of either the law enforcing it, custom or both.

A married person is someone who has celebrated marriage under the law and not someone who is acting as a dry cleaner when a man has not paid her bride price. An individual cannot be said to be married person when he/she is cohabiting with a partner who has not being recognized by the family.

There has been a lot of misunderstandings on who can be called a single man or a single woman. A man or a woman is single regardless of the fact that he/she is described as a father or a mother. The mere fact that one celebrated a marriage without the presence of family members and well-wishers but only biscuit and a ring does not qualify him/her as married because there is no legal foundation to it. The law only recognizes a marriage when it has been celebrated in accordance to the provision of the law.

The period of singlehood is an important period that must not be joked with. It is in this period one develops and determine what he/she can offer in a marriage. An individual’s single years should be spent; learning how to deal with common issues and personal issues, learning how to pray, learning how to be business oriented and supportive.

As you journey don’t forget to; hone your skills, study the word of God, improve your relationship with Christ, be the best, practice sacrificial love, show support, be a problem solver, be a good listener, become educated, be hardworking, be friendly, live a good life, be a cheerful giver, serve in God’s Kingdom, be obedient, pray and flee from fornication.

Chapter 2: Being the Chosen one

 It will interest you to know that there are a number of persons with your qualities. Currently, the percentage of the total population of men and women in the world is 50.4% and 49.6% respectively and they are not aliens, they are persons with like minds meaning you are being outsmarted by someone somewhere every day. This should awaken you to the fact that you need to stop lagging behind and begin improving yourself.

As an individual you have the right to believe that there is no one like you however you cannot compel someone to be in a relationship with you if you are not up to standard. Failing to realize this earlier in life will only make you hate yourself because when you know the truth the world must have already advanced and left you behind.

Being someone’s choice is not a gamble. It is knowing what to do and doing it excellently. There are basic things that attract a man/woman to his/her opposite like; cleanliness, spirituality and intellectualism. These are primary things a man/woman considers before choosing a partner. Truth be told, choosing a partner is work. It’s like selecting a dress to buy. A man/woman cannot choose a dress that he/she is uncomfortable wearing because it has been neglected by other customers, he/she will select a dress that he/she loves moreover he/she will always be excited to flaunt it.

The basics are foundational and lifelong guidelines that serve as determinants. They include; cleanliness, spirituality and intellectualism. Cleanliness is the state of maintaining proper hygiene consciously and unconsciously. It is maintaining proper hygiene at all times not occasionally, frequently or as you are led. It takes a disciplined person to be clean, cleanliness cannot be enforced on someone it is a personal choice. Cleanliness has great advantages; it increases attraction, it improves your value, it increases your self-esteem, it boosts your self-confidence and it helps you maintain an optimum healthy lifestyle.

Cleanliness cannot be faked, it is not pretending to be brushing when you are only imagining thoughts in your head. Cleanliness is being able to brush your teeth and using a deodorant, roll on, body spray or perfume whichever is convenient with a body oil without being told. Cleanliness is being able to clean your surroundings every time and not when you are expecting a visitor, it is being able to use the toilet brush without being reminded, it is being able to wear clean clothes at home when no one is watching you without repeating them, it is being able to wash your clothes well and iron them neatly without looking for a drycleaner, it is being able to use an handkerchief to clean your nose and not pick it with your hand, it is being able to wash your undies and towel without being reminded when you read a post on health and hygiene.

Cleanliness cannot be faked. If as a young adult you cannot wash your underwear but only soak it till whenever then buying a new one it is disastrous. The truth is someone will always know when you’ve not washed your underwear or stocking for the past three days, the unattractive smell despite the amount of perfume use will sell you off. For example, the first sign someone will use to identify a dirty underwear is the color of the material; whether it is clear or dirty or muddy or flaky. Secondly, a man/woman will be able to spot someone that has not washed his/her personal belongings well from the distinct smell that emanates from him/her. Thirdly, from the way he/she scratches an itching body, the color of his/her handkerchief and the reaction to living in a dirty environment.

Spirituality can be described as an individual’s connection to the spirit realm whether positive or negative. On the positive side, it is having a spiritual connection to God. As a Christian, it is vital that you are conscious of your spiritual relationship with God and your willingness to grow from being a babe who is fed with milk to being a spiritually mature Christian who can boast of nothing but his/her salvation in Christ.

Speaking in tongues is not a qualification that you are matured Christian, there are tongues that are inspired by the devil and there are tongues that are inspired by God. The qualification is the baptism with fire, the outpouring of the Holy Spirit upon you, your commune with the Holy Spirit, holiness and the manifestation of the fruit of the Spirit.

It is no hidden truth that those who have been called into Christ are free from bondage. You cannot be chosen when you have not been found worthy by God. Also, you cannot fake spiritual maturity as a spiritually unsound person can be spotted immediately. A spiritually unsound individual does not have the Holy Spirit, he/she needs affirmation from the Pastor, and he/she does not know why salvation is key. He/she defiles the body, desires to be used by the devil, lies, condemns and claims to be a god.

Intelligence is the ability to understand and apply things learnt excellently. Intelligence is not head knowledge, it embraces everything that relates to interaction and management, that is, the ability to control emotions when pressurized, the ability to manage the reactions of others, the ability to discern the Spirit of God and the ability to pass excellently when practical questions are asked.

Stupidity can be faked but intelligence cannot. An unintelligent person will believe every lie and listen to anything he/she hears without questioning. An unintelligent person is not necessarily stunning, as a result of ignorance stunning individuals have been tagged dumbed even when the reverse is the case because society teaches so even when it is well known that an opinion on beauty is purely subjective and the ugliest ones can also be daft and unintelligible.

It’s not hard to make a good impression. Admire but still be able to make wise choices without spiting the disabled. Be your own kind of unique and still be able to think forward not backward. Determine in your heart that you’ll be better and aim for it, if you cannot speak English, attend evening classes where you can learn the language while still rocking your mother tongue when you have the chance to, if you cannot calculate excellently have a calculator with always, if you cannot spell learn. Choose to be a better person even as you desire to be paired with another individual in life.

Chapter 3: Living Alone

 Learning to be alone is very important,