Real Strange Vibes Volume 10, Al Calm [kiss me liar novel english .txt] 📗

So I'm driftin', me family don't give a shit about it now. How many fuckin' breakdowns can people have before they don't really give a fuck anymore? Fuck me, I'm fucked! I juzz wanna keep doin' shitloads of gear, any fuckin' shit I can get me fuckin' hands on before hittin' some paint thinner. Drinkin' fuckin' cheap sherry n Buckfast then spark up shit loadsa homegrown weed doin' rounds, real cheap, but gotta really pack a zoot, get me?

Fuckin' pack in shitloads only way gonna get high, probably mixed with Khat, cheapo cathinones for poor people. Lucky I found some apinaca. It's still cheap online, fuckin' sold as incense like the best things in Blighty. Anyways, it all good to mixe n match. Wash down a SpongeBob with some Buckfast, tastes like shit but all synthetics do. It what happens when fuckers don't have any money, regular doe, end up getting' fucked on fuckin' cheap shit what turns out to be legal in some cases. I shouldn't really be drinking Buckfast, tucked into some nail polish remover last night. But I blacked out. I can't remember shit no more. Fuckin' had enough, it way too stressy n tripped out, prefer to go on a wipeout – a mind wiper sweet as for shit. Way too much blood on me hands, hope I don't nothin' daft, pick tiny bits of glass out back of me hand. Classic, if I back-hand snort get me fuckin' blood in me fuckin' gear, fuckin' jokes! Fuck it all prefer to be broke than be stressed!

Odd I never seem to be real brassic, dunno how, I got enough cash gettin' gear in, sort me right out for time. I find a wad of notes – mainly tens n twenties - I must've ripped off off someone. Probably some random cunt, as I always knock out random shit n overcharge people. It's standard. I don't do it to mates but to randoms, sure. They must think they're gettin' a good deal but I give them a bit of wicked shit then hand over a pack in the cheap bath salts. It still not bad, it all synths – I really like em even if prolonged long-term use can give you heart failure. The buzz worth it, even when you mix n match em with the rockin' real deals, doin' apinaca after poppin' a few pills is mad, takes you over a week to comedown. They could find it all legally online if they knew what they lookin' for. Some daft student called Clive had got lumbered with eight thousand fake pharmaceutical methedrine pills, they were low dose can't remember but they were really low. Only eighty pence each, a fuckin' joke. No fucker wants them, you'd need to take shitloads of them even though they claimed to be pharmaceutical. Clive some kinda drop out - real eternal drop out stuff, he even knew DJ Hog before he lucked out n went commercial, I can't remember his other name now. Hog a total dick anyway -like Clive to be honest but Clive totally screwin' – really random, we all said the only good thing for cheapo methedrine gotta crush em down n add 'em to somethin' stronger, even fentanyl ends up in shit, even in coke now. The 4CMC creeps into everythin', it cheaper than 2CB and 2CI – do get a mad hallucination on it if double drop, easy to happen if reckon not doin' shit. But it only to give it kick.

I can't even remember; I was trying to eat, eatin' a real fuckin' mare like a wad of tasteless shit, it won't break down: chewin' n chewin', what I don't like, everythin' tastes bad n tough to get down, no problem gettin' pills down but food – all these trendy hipster yuppie raves do food, quinoa sarnies, they all want people eatin' buy lotsa food there – fuck fuckin' chompin' yuppie food, too busy chewin' me fuckin' face off!

Me ear rings, real pain – then clock it me missus, Tanya chattin' n chattin'. Ear rings again: Huh? Wha'?

Don' fuckin' makeout yercan'tfuckin' hearme, Chazz, oi – I kno' y'kno', fuckin' kno'y'kno'!CHAZZ! Oi!

Easy baby, easy –

DON' FUCKIN' EASY BABY ME, Y'CUNT! WE'RE GETTIN' FUCKIN' EVICTED IN A FEW FUCKIN' WEEKS, WHY DO WE GOTTA BE FUCKIN' STATS, CHAZZ - FUCKIN' WHY CHAZZ?

Tanya's cryin' , all tears n snot, knocked over the bowl, the kitchen a state anyway. I mean, I ain't good at real time emotional chatter – I prefer to get fucked n snore it off. I noticed her kid from her other boyfriend, a boyfriend who's doin' time, before ended up wimme, looks at us. A child's look always goes right through you: makes your eyes misty, makes me think of me own childhood, real rotten as fuck in Maggie's Shitty Blighty, gettin' beat for fuck all. Got beat up at school, came home sport a big a shiner, broken tooth - only to get a hidin' off me folks as I'd been fightin' at school. Me old dear had a breakdown; me Dad always worried about his job, drinkin' n drinkin' then they laid him off in the end – bottle of whisky a day easily. Fuckin' awful times, always in the wrong. It back again, it's a Tory-Labour cycle, they all buy democracy it cheap, I got no idea whatta say to Tanya.

Amazed haven't had a seizure tryin' to formulate the words. Child stares right at me. Tanya got five or six kids – I'm sure only one maybe mine, so she says - but I can't remember any of their names! Fuckin' classic fuckin memory slippage. I dunno how Tanya remembers, she used to chuff more SK than me. I still chewin', I can't think. But I smile n say: Chill babe, chill, it's all a pile o' shit. UC, government, all of it. The jobs are shit, it's all shit!

Tanya keeps on: real tears n sniffles, a proper blubbery meltdown.Her nightie a bit see through, I spy she grown her bush a bit more. Love a bird who still gotta bush. Tanya wails; kids scamper away real ghost kiddo biz. Shit, neighbours'll think I'm knockin' her about, they know what a fuckhead I am!

Tanya keeps cryin', I feel her leg but she feels cold, God, what a fuckin' materialist, be wantin' stiff upper lip Phil n fuckin' poshbags Kirsty to hook her up with a pile in Sandbanks next. Tanya looks fucked now, I still like her even if we kinda grown apart as I'm always out gettin' fucked. I think she wants a dull mug who gets a shit job , eighteen hour days, fuckin' too fucked to fuck at end of every week, worried gonna OD on Viagra then back to clock in. But it's slavery – no politician will do it, even though they blame loads of fuckers it a whole divide n rule bullshit game to those useless fucks.

It really not cool tryin' to feel her up n hug her when I'm burpin' real bad but it's these synthetic pills, make me burp whereas as real MDMA, real pills, always make me fart. Total rancid farts as never can eat before or after on a decent dinger, real mad.

I watch Tanya blow her nose, it all goes slow motion. I blame all me cheap spice, it's all got tranquillisers in, don't matter where from, but it's doin' weird things to me vision. I can't knock it on head now. Sure those SpongBob's got no MD in: Tanya stares at me as she twigs me starin' right at her.

Chazz, how do we get so fucked up - it's real tough.

Wanna toke Tanya? It's good, it's a health supplement these days.

Nah Chazz, I don't want any – I'm happy wiv a fag n a coffee. It all I can fuckin' afford. We're fucked.

I remember the notes. I split the tens n twenties, pull out half from me pocket. Yeh, it'll tide us over. It's cool, I gotta bop.

Tanya looks amazed. Who y'rip off, Chazz?

Rip off? Nah, fuck nah! It's a bit I'd saved. I was gonna get a oz, maybe some more pills n a quarter oz of bugle. It's all cool. I'll leave it – take it, put some to rent arrears or some to the food, make it looks good pay off fuckin' shitty arrears, they all like it!

Tanya nods. She says, You definitely done some poor fucker right over, ain't yer Chazz? I get guilty whenever got notes to pull out. It not on a pay slip so must've fucked someone over right?

Serious Tanya, it's all cool. It's off a mate, he owed me.

Yehyehyeh, it's always off some fuckin' mate!

Tanya looks all mad, but she pockets it all. Fuckin' power of wedge, it a shit system but need it to live. No freebies but it easy to coast. Still can't remember who I ripped off. But vaguely recall I ordered some cathinones to cut some shit down. It gettin' popular, kids dig it. I can't believe I ended up bein' savvy, people know I must have loads – loadsa post-lockdown pills rocketed even though they crashin' in price over in the Dam. the synths well strong now. I think: Chazzie, gone n finally lucked out! I gotta coupla legal formulas Dibble can do shit about! I go to hug Tanya, but she looks all angry, thought she'd be well pleased but women get weird when a fuckhead like me gets smart.

Gets some toys for the kiddies babe, they need some fun - get em a likkle book what those middle class plums dig, too. They too young readin' Class of 88 though would some 2000 AD be cool? I loved readin' those comics when I was a kid, fuckin' classic, read fuck all else.

God, Chazzie, it totally fucked. You gotta slow down on it, it'll mess you.

It's too late for me, I'll always dig it but luv yer n kiddies - even if none of em really are mine, it all cool.

Tanya starts to cry again. Bad move tryin' to get a sneaky kitchen table fuck before boppin' – she knows she in a jam, why bother wiv total fuckheads like me, though Tanya thinks who else gonna want to shack up wivva bird who's nearly forty who 's got five kids wiv three different fellas? Exactly!

Shit, fuck knows, what I thinkin' maybe still trippin' out, look down, see me cup melt in me hand then me flesh on me hand starts to melt - man, glow-in-the-dark bones! Goin' all Funny Bones! It not too odd: I been here before, it cool. Some old geezer at Euston station bus stop looks through me with their tiny laser eyes - motherfuckin' third eye blind trippin', some ol geezer's got me soul now - argh, fuck it! Makes me laugh, I feel love. Old geezer says, Some weird foreign backwards language, he seems to know me. He looks like a old Teddy Boy, I hand him some green Ghostbusters n go on a walkabout.

I know fuck all about fuck all, it when I got all these lovely packets delivered to me door. I couldn't score me usual shit - always a half bar of hash, couple ounces of superskunk, yeh had to cut down on me greens, fuckin' mad how pricey it gets! I'll then switch between coke n pills, maybe a ounce of coke then a coupla hundred pills - some dark web prescription dodge but I even be cool rockin' Yabba. Though started droppin' these synthetic ones: some liquids in little bottles n little packets full of various research powders. I didn't know I used me body to test on me self, but it